Chimney sweeps…fucking chimney sweeps.

Now you wouldn’t think that such an innocuous occupation would earn a cunting,would you? Well you’ve never met the pair of shysters that I had to deal with today. Normally I sweep the chimneys myself,but this one is in a room that I hardly ever use and I knew that there had been a crows nest down it since spring,so I thought that I’d better get someone in to do it. I had a chimney fire once….scared the shit out of me.

Anyhow, father and what I took to be his wife,but turned out to be his son,turned up and set to to. Talk about making a fucking meal of it,you’d have thought they were doing a heart transplant,not just sticking a few rods up a chimney. Eventually I asked them what the fuck was taking them so long. They couldn’t string it out any longer and started to put their gear away. I immediately bolted for my workshop and fired up the big Husqi chainsaw,revved it like fuck for a few minutes while numb-nuts stood with his bill in his hand.

Eventually I put the saw down and took his bill off him. Just as I suspected,it was twice his original quote. “We had to put the camera up,that’s an extra 50,and removing and disposing of the nest is extra too” the eternal optimist announced. Told the Cunt to throw the nest on the woodchip heap and that it was hardly my fault if he couldn’t do his job without a fucking camera,the old sweeps always managed.

Between the idling chainsaw,the dogs and being a thoroughly unreasonable Cunt,I managed to negotiate a discount…a discount to what his original basic price had been.

Greedy bastards.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

EA games are royal class cunts for fucking up on what started out as a decent franchise I’m of course talking bout Battlefield. From somebody who use to play BF Bad Company 2 and Battlefield 3 religiously online before the mod community fucked it up. At its peak it was very enjoyable and heaps better then most shite Call of Duty games

What EA has effectively done to the Battlefield franchise is rape it to near death and stabbed it several hundred times with a katana blade then dousing it with gasoline and setting it ablaze infront of their fans The DLC whoring, The buggy lauch despite the massive pre order support it got from fans, The massive updates for glitches and fuckups they should of been fixed before it was even fucking released EA and VICE studios you are complete and utter cunts for being greedy and mismanaged cunts!

Nominated by Titslapper

I would like to cunt drivers of Kia Sportages. Apparently not a bad car for the frugal outlay, despite it having the longevity of a prawn sandwich.

No it’s the fucking arrogant prick drivers running around in what are pound shop Evoques, who are attempting to steal the crown of cuntitude from traditional BMW and Audi cocksuckers. Several occasions I have been overtaking in the fast lane only to have one of these wretched bum grumbles drive about 3 feet from my rear bumper, only to tear past me at 90mph plus, like Jack fucking Regan as soon as I move over.

High priests of the Church of our Cunting Saviour are these Sportage drivers.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

I would just like to state for the record that my Kia of choice is an 11 year old piece of shit Rio CRDi and not a Sportage. A Sportage is a poor man’s Chelsea Tractor and I don’t care how poor you are………. if you drive an unnecessary and oversized car which is hard to see past and over at T-junctions……….. you are a cunt by definition.

Nominated by Two In The Stink

Silly job titles are due a good cunting.

For instance, “Customer Service Executives” are not rich old executive codgers in a corner office doing themselves in the arse all day with a fountain pen. They are of course the minimum wage plebs who ensure we receive the universally rotten standards of customer service that we have become accustomed to.

Noninated by Junior Emergency Cunting Operative