I´ve been more or less stuck with my 90-year-old mother-in-law over the last year because of covid and don´t know how much longer I can sit opposite her at the dinner table and watch her eat.

She has the appetite of a lion but eats at the pace of a snail so while I have finished and am desperate to leave the table, she´s still noshing away, with one eye on what´s coming next. She loves meat and chicken and chews away at the bones and legs like Henry VIII. This is usually followed by a salad dripping in olive oil that runs down her wrinkled old chin.

I literally shudder at times and am constantly leaving the table under the pretext of fetching salt or clearing dishes away. My wife has noticed this and I suspect knows why and forces me to stay.

Things weren´t so bad when I had a bottle of wine to help me through the meal but I have given up drinking for Lent and water or a fizzy drink doesn´t help at all.
(Can you spot the tactical error he made? – NA)

Nominated by: Mr Polly

Change is a cunt.

In this case it is my local council who are being cunts by having a perfectly functional and fairly new, expensive system of recycling waste by combining the dark ages of only having one bin which is emptied weekly with a “eco deco” waste sorting factory which separates the muck from the recyclables.

Now they are soon to be introducing a system of several bins collected much less frequently, the types I have seen when I work away and get told to put stuff in specific bins to which I respond “what the fuck is a cardboard bin, are not all bins created equal?”.

While they are at it, they have announced they shall not be providing a bin for glass recycling and helpfully suggest you (I) take your glass to the nearest council recycling centre of which there are few and very hard to get to for tens of thousands of locals who don’t drive in this mostly rural area

I generate plenty of glass waste and I can take mine to wherever, but there is plenty who cannot so I predict a lot more broken glass on the street as a direct result of these lazy, money wasting cunts policies.

Nominated by: Cunt of all trades

Femi Oluwole is a British political activist and co-founder of the pro-European Union advocacy group and an absolute cunt.

My blood was boiling when he was on TV today claiming that
A) Brexit had no bearing on our vaccination rate being greater than the whole of the EU put together.
B) That our leaving actually resulted in the EU programme being chaotic eg. It 8s somehow OUR fault.
C) That all the teething troubles of import/export are “what YOU voted for.”

He repeated that last phrase again and again just in case WE didn’t get it.

He is clearly too thick to see that A and B are obviously mutually exclusive. And as for C he expects US to believe that anything good post Brexit is nothing to do with our leaving whilst any negative issues definitely are.

What a crazy mixed up cunt he is.

Nominated by: Lord Helpuss

Congratulations to J R Cuntley who correctly predicted Peter Lorimer would be the next person of note to pass on. Lorimer was a professional footballer. Noted for his powerful shots from distance, he made his name playing for Leeds United. He also represented Scotland at international level.

On to Dead Pool 206.You Know the Rules:

1) Pick 5 famous cunts you think will conk out next. It is first come first served. You can always be a cunt and steal other cunters’ nominations from previous pools.

2) Anyone who nominates the world’s oldest man or woman is a cunt and will be ignored.

3) It must be a famous cunt we have heard of.

4) If your pick has already been taken, tough titty. Pick someone else because we can’t be arsed to check.

So on your marks, ready….set…..go!

I’m not going to dwell on Hewitt, but all I have to say is this,.

He is a thick cunt waaay out of his depth, floundering around in his Mrs wake.

What a tool. What an enormous thick, twat, non British cunt (wait till you have to pay US tax fucko).

I cannot wait for the turd to come over here to unmask his mums statue.

Nominated by: Smug Cunt

Seconded by: Big Al

I’d like to nominate Prince Harry, I’m not a massive fan of the Royal Family myself but what the fuck is Harry thinking of? If ever someone needed to ‘man up’ it’s this pussy whipped, out of touch buffoon. Does he really expect the public to feel sorry for him and his millionaire wife because they have been feeling a bit depressed at a time when other people’s businesses are going bust and they are having to bury loved ones and watch their funeral on a laptop?! We could have expected his wife to play the victim card but for Harry to dump his own family in support of her is an utter betrayal. The way I see it is that when Harry made an open statement about racism within the institution of his own family it was obvious to me what he was doing, he is saying Britain is an institutionally racist country, and Brits are racist. BLM sees the British Royal Family as still too powerful to take on directly, so they look to weaken its popularity with the one claim that can see your life destroyed, but never needs a shred of evidence for a public crucifixion (racism). Then once the Marxists smell the blue blood in the water they will move in for the kill.