Kelly Cates

Kelly-Dalglish372

Kelly Cates (nee Dalglish), presenter of the new pile of arsewank on Channel 5 called Football League Tonight, an utter abomination of a football highlights show, as with all new TV shows it’s all about ‘fans’ ramblings on Twitter, come on get involved with the hashtag #IAMAFUCKINGNARCISSISTCUNT

She has a face that resembles Odo from Star Trek DS9 (or she sat too close to a naked flame and her face melted)

She is only on TV because her Daddy was Liverpool (legend?) Kenny Dalglish and has about as much sex appeal as a holed-out Melon with fake hair glued to it to resemble pubes, Her voice annoys the hell out of me to the point I want to stick pens in my ears.

Nominated by: Boaby

34 thoughts on “Kelly Cates

  1. Haha Ordo ?… not quite but I don’t see why she is hosting Football League Tonight just because daddy managed Blackburn Rovers once or twice daddy’s connections obviously. Twitter and facebook should be banned from existence for being a shite place to vent your frustrations at life and if you say the wrong thing it could cost you your job or make you look like a wank, twitter is for cunts I could understand if you use it as a business advertising tho or other.

    • Dalglish was a legend for Liverpool, but he was/is still a massive cunt…
      Never seen his spoonfed daughter on the telly, and I don’t want to… She looks like an E’d up horse…

  2. and now for something completly different.

    I would like to nominate the British Legion for a total cunting,
    You would think it difficult to cunt off such a fine and outstanding organisation however as a member I would like to state my case.
    The legion was founded at the end of the first world war and has made a lot of precedence on that particular war and its veterans to the almost exclusion of other veterans from other conflicts (and trust me there has been a fair few since then) .
    To whit with the above, with my legion magazine I seem to be inundated with offers for incontinence pads, rubber pants, lap trays, plastic tat, hearing aids, commemorative plates, in fact every conceivable item that I would expect to find in a charity shop or residential home.
    In fact since stepping down from active service I have been targeted with these mailshots to the extent that I actually wonder how I managed to do the job with my leaky bladder, joint pain, deafness, poor eyesight and bowel issues!
    Seeing that this has been going on since I was 32 I would like to cunt the legion for its shit marketing department.

    • Got the ‘Rememberance Catalogue’ through my door yesterday… It’s mostly tacky and stuff that wouldn’t be out of place in a Studio Cards christmas catalogue…

    • I’m down as a Cunt in the village, good judge of character our committee, because I won’t help with the christmas lights. I told them to fuck off the first and only time they asked, and for why? because they start weeks before Remembrance Sunday. A token nod towards orespect wouldn’t hurt. Oh, and I’m a lazy Cunt too. Besides, I can’t be doing with all that forced seasonal jollity.

  3. i would like to nominate ‘Talk Sport Radio’. gawd help us! for a start by sport they mean football because thats what its about for 95% of the time. you can tune in any time of the day or night and there are fuckin idiots phoning in talking about ‘flat back fours’ or ‘making a run from the back’ or’ diamond formations’. they take it so fuckin seriously. i really think the presenters must think to themselves ‘ who are these fuckin idiots’ but on the other hand they are keeping us in a job.its absolutely dire.

    • Alan Brazil is the biggest cunt on radio, now or ever…
      He is also the most useless player I have ever seen at Old Trafford…
      He really was fucking shite…

  4. Another porridge wog cunt presenting a football show?! That other one on Sky news can be cunted at the same time, Jo fucking haggis monkey Wilson. Fuck off back where you came from you cunts!!

    • Fat Rich, clearly you were the little fat specky cunt who was buggered senseless at your English public School. I feel sorry for you but irrespective I still think you are a cunt.

      • Yes, an English cunt though, infinitely superior to the caliber of cunt found North of the border.

      • Actually, I went to a public school, was seriously overweight and wore glasses.
        But what on behind the bike sheds stays behind the bike sheds.

        Mind you, I was glad to see the back of the fagging…

  5. That cunt from coast!!!! he’s a cunt, also why the fuck are there no dolly diggers like in time team, you cant heave one out to a trawler!!!!

  6. Nah….Odo was MUCH better looking than that munter. I’d say she looks more like a blonde Pak’ma’ra from Babylon 5.

    • I agree, that is fucking funnny….

      Apparently a couple of Russian misslies have ‘fallen on Iran…
      Shame they weren’t nuclear, though…

  7. i fuckin’ hate cunts who drink real ale and fart indiscriminately – are they fickin immune to their stench or just totlally inconsiderate cunts

  8. cheapo pub hand driers that take ages to kick in and turn off after 4 or 5 seconds so you have to repeat the process or more likely wipe ypour hands on your strides – cunts, you’d think (public) health and safety would do something about it, cunts

    • on that I would cunt openinward doors on toilets, have you noticed how many people do not wash there hands and grab the handle and exit…..sort of defeats the object of me washing my hands just to grab an efluent encrusted door handle.

  9. i want to cunt my mate mike’s weird drink, in a particular pint glass and 23.5667788 ml of lemonade before it’s topped up with weak fucking lager – he calls it a lager bottom, i call it a pain the arse when he orders if 1st and the barmaid dunno what the fuck he’s talking about and i’m fucking gagging for my drink

  10. Northern cunts who “borrow” and have no concept of returning borrowed goods.
    I lent a blackadder box set to one because his missus was away 2 weeks and i though it cut down on his wankin – this was over a year ago, has he given it back – has he fuck, i expect the cunt’s sold it on ebay
    lisa – if you read this tell your old man to do the decent thing, the cunt

    • Borrowing people items is a lost cause retrieving it is like pulling teeth I advise against it, best friends maybe but even then its still a hassle in the arse.

      • I lent someone my Creedence Clearwater Revival albums many years ago… The first, and only, time I ever did it… The thieving cunt…

      • Try to get it back or steal something of them just a thought . CCR are pretty good I liked green river anyway, The Golliwogs(Pre CCR) had a few decent songs too but god those Fogerty brothers are cunts especially John and how they screwed over the ex members maybe Tom Fogerty was right when he called John “the meanest bastard and biggest backstabbing liar ever, he deserves hell for what he’s done to us”.

  11. Pamela Anderson is a cunt… Apart from being at least 90% plastic/silicone/Fibreglass
    and having the dignity of a blubottle on a turd, this silly old cow is still flaunting herself in lad’s mags… I went in the paper shop for a (Manchester) Evening News and the daft bitch is on the cover of FHM… First off, FHM must be hard up for dolly birds if this is the best they get these days… That Tulisa cumbucket was bad enough, but a plastic granny?!
    Also, isn’t it pathetic that, 20 years later, the old tart is still getting her kit off to get noticed or paid? And the face on it? It’s surgery gone mad/wrong on par with Michael Jackson…
    It’s like that other (well overused) cunt, Madonna: dressing like a prossie when she’s pushing 60… Where’s the class or self respect? Give it up. grandmamas…

    • Madonna is getting more evil and it’s embarrassing at this point, she has no shame she’s trying out whore lady caca they are both untalented cunts who copied off of kate bush but dirty slag versions of her. Madonna is obsessed with her secret society Kabbalah these hollywood whores are pure evil if you ask me.

      • Fake titties are cunts. Especially the saline type which look and feel about as natural sticking a couple of cricket balls to your chest with sellotape. Silicon ones are slightly better in that they feel marginally more realistic but they still don’t look right. If there are any ladies out there thinking about having fake tits let me implore you not to do it. The only type of bloke you are going to attract with fake titties are cunts and if your present man wants you to do it then dump the cunt immediately, no trial separation, pack the cunts bags for him and give him his cards.

        A nice big pair of squishy wobbly sagging tits, preferably with stretch marks are the way to go.

      • Rich there’s a reason why women get a reduction though to help sagging breasts prop them up, breast cancer, and complaints of neck, back, shoulder pain, breast sensitivity, rashes, infection, and upper extremity numbness. Haha they aren’t doing it just for kicks to piss you off, so it will never be outlawed as you say.

  12. Glad to see that rotten gaping cunt, Blatter is now on the ropes..
    And that anti-English, bent bastard, Qatari shagging Frog Cunt, Platini can get fucked and all…

    • First we hear he’s gonna bloody resign then he comes out and says he won’t resign. The sepp blatter timeline is laughable, now finally he’s suspended this won’t stop corruption in footy. I still won’t hold my breath septic bladder has enough reach to conduct his bidding while being suspended through his buddies. Who knows though heres hoping

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