KEIR STARMER M.P.

It has just been announced on the BBC that a statement from Starmer Towers, home of the Dowager Duchess Keir of Starmer has said that this old woman of new Labour will propose Remain (of course, duckie) or a *CREDIBLE* deal.

The old motherfucker hasn’t said what the “credible” deal could be. Of course we all know that Corbyn is running scared of the New Labour Ponces and the Labourite fairy glen.

Fuck the dribbling excuse for a man (not literally of course).

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Channel 4s food unwrapped
Not the programme, the fuckwits that allow the presenters to toss it off all round the world to find out how a fucking pea grows.
Just watched them fly to New York for a two minute piece on how to grind corn in order to make a tortilla.
Fucking slackers.
Tune in next week to watch Matt Tebbit fly to Antigua to shit out last nights kebab like a local.
Piss taking Cunts.

Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Cristo

I would like to nominate Carol Vorderman for a full weight cunting, for putting her name to the legalised mugging of old people that is Sun Life equity release. (other equity release companies are available).
“Give us your house and we will let you continue to live in it if you pay us interest”.
Thanks Carol, sounds fucking great, I can’t count because I am thick as fuck but you are good at maths and I trust you, so it’s got to be a good deal right?
At least Dick Turpin had the decency to wear a mask when he relieved idiots of their hard earned.
Hang your heads in shame you thieving twats.

Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Cristo

Radio phone in callers.

These stupid cunting morons get right on my tits. 90% complete mad idiots. 10% lonely geriatric twats with nothing to say.
Then 100% of them spend 10 minutes saying Hi to everyone they fucking know? Why? I don’t need to hear you greeting your pervy uncle fucking ken. You daft bastard. Fuck off and play some choones.

Nominated by Cuntoxed

Craft beer is a right pile off piss

‘Craft’ beer is a product of our times and is an absolute cunt drunk by cunts. Time was when there were two types of beer drinker: lovers of proper hand-pulled ale and those who preferred lager. Fair enough. Now, though, pubs are awash with bearded hipster twats, with Peaky Blinders haircuts, stupid specs and skin tight jeans, wanking their way through ‘beer flights’ and third of a pint measures of sheer piss masquerading as ‘craft beer’.
Stupid flavoured beers and IPA’s full of pungent hops that mask the actual inadequacies of the product.

The most ironic thing of all is that the big brewers, who were supposed to be left behind by the ‘new wave beer revolution’ are now taking advantage of the gullible twats who drink this shit and are punting out piss water on the supermarket shelves at £2.00 for a 330ml tin, next to their normal stuff at £1.10 for a 500ml can. They’re laughing all the way to the bank.

When the trend for craft beer passes, as it surely will, the proper stalwarts of good brewing will still be there: Hook Norton, Timothy Taylor, Samuel Smith, Shepherd Neame, Batemans, Deuchars and the rest.

Craft Beer is a cunt and the people who drink it are cunts.

Fuck off the lot of you.

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface