Aladdin is a cunt, isn’t he?

This story is having another make-over as Hollywood, bereft of ideas, deficient of creativity, has decided to rehash this hackneyed shit for more moolah.

I thought he was Chinese but it’s now set in Arabia. Let the sanitising begin.

No mention of killing infidels or murder training camps because the fairy story of Aladdin was created before the fairy story of Allåh was created. Perhaps they should’ve made a modernised film, Aladdin joins a death squad, becomes a Religious fanatic, travels through eleven countries perpetually claiming to be a “refugee” then arranges to meet Jasmine, one of his four pregnant 16-year old wives while strapping a bomb to his back but calling it a ‘magic lamp.” Psh.

As the cherry on the turd, this shitestorm has a special whiff of crap: Will “cuntface” Smith is the Genie which means layers of treacly, smug charm, casual “he’s a white boy” comments, and teeth bleached to ‘dazzle’ mode. What a load of Camel shit on a flying carpet.

? A whole new wo-orrld…✨ Get fucked.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

THE HEALTH GESTAPO
I would like to give these twats a good cunting. There is not a day goes by without the constant drip drip of press releases telling you what you should or should not eat or drink, what’s good for you and what isn’t. Have you noticed recently though how it’s been ratcheted up? It’s not just bad for you – it’ll fuckin’ kill you! Now men are told that they must limit their drinking to 14 units a week. I can’t find any scientific basis for this so I am going to stick with the advice of my friend, the alcohol scientist Dr K Polkolainen who says drinking a bottle of wine a day isn’t bad for you( actually true-Google it). I trust him because he used to work for the WHO and has carried out lots of research. However, he does say 9 bottles would be a little excessive. We are now told that if you eat so much as one bacon sandwich a day it will kill you(colorectal cancer). This is fantastic news for the religious wars about to take place. We can subdue the peacefuls with bacon butties. However, the worst piece of news to come out this week is that “laziness is killing us”. WTF? If this were true I’d have died a thousand deaths during my lifetime! Well, I’ll have to end it there- I’m off for a jog around the block. Fuck the health gestapo, the shower of cunts.

Nominated by Bluntspeakingcunt

With Easter now upon us, any thoughts of the devil & hell may well be far from our thoughts. I fear it’s closer than we realise.
Orbital Billboard. A Russian Start Rocket Website is seeking clients to beam adverts from its outer space platform onto the night sky. Impossible to overlook, impossible to switch off. A terrifying thought, too chilling to comprehend. But could well be just around the corner. Post-Meridiem love making & Star lands ?Afternoon Delight now a long distant memory.

Nominated by Lostsheep

Brandon Lewis is a right cunt. Now, to be fair, you have to be a bit of a cunt to chair the Tory Party whilst Teflon Treeza is leading it but as Mark Twain once said “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Bully Boy Brandon is telling party members that “Campaigning for or endorsement of any other political party is incompatible with membership of the party.” It goes on to say “The board will not hesitate to enforce these rules.”

So as a card carrying Tory, Brandon reckons that he’ll kick me out of I support Farage. Well if they apply that rule then the Tory Party is about to shrink radically. So fuck you, Brandon. Bring it on!

But then Twain also said “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” He also said “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”

Wise man, Mr Twain. The Tories could learn a lot from him…

Nominated by Dioclese

A nomination for Theresa Mays gurning. There are dozens of photos on the internet of the Maybot contorting her fugly face into even more hideously ugly contortions. Fuck it, what an ugly cunt. Her facial oddities betray her inner clueless vacuity. I know she has had dozens of nominations but she’s the cunt that keeps on giving.

In fact, if I may expand on my previous post, I believe this phenomenon occurs whenever Oligarch Robbins, Oliver Wetwin, Amber Dudd or whichever anti- democratic cunt has control of the Maybot at the time, temporarily loses that control or there’s a short circuit or someone moves the joystick the wrong way, causing said Maybot to malfunction. These bot’s are only as good as their controllers, in other words, fucking useless.

Nominated by Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine