Designer Vaginas are Cunts.

I can’t understand why women would waste thousands of pounds of their husbands’ money,or the child-benefit cash,on these ridiculous procedures. It’s like putting a new clutch into a clapped out Austin Allegro… it might not be as sloppy on the gearstick,but still nobody wants to take a ride in it.

Women should accept that if they have reached the point where their fanny is as loose as a Blue Whales’ blowhole, a retread won’t be enough to tempt their cheating husband or bisexual personal trainer to revisit the scene of the atrocity. The ladies are too late, that particular ship (or mackerel trawler,judging by the smell) has sailed.

Old women (over 35s) should,unless they’re willing to indulge in a bit of back-door smashing,turn their wrinkly,droopy thoughts to trying to please their man by learning how to cook properly,or putting down the wine-glass,turning off the television and raising any taxpayer-funded children they may have,who will.undoubtedly, be ill-mannered,spoiled and possibly toying with the idea of trannyism. They will be doing their husband a great service by not expecting a service, let him get on with tupping his secretary or the hot bit next door…he may be grateful enough to let his wife remain in his home as a housekeeper/nanny which is really as much as some slack-clackered old biddy can expect.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Note from admin:

Mr Fiddler,

The above pic is all I could manage. Trawling the internet for your nom has left me feeling quite out of sorts.

Carbon Neutral Bollocks

Listening to one of the global warming, ban the whale save the shrimp tossers today raised my piss to magma temperatures, fuck it all, you would have needed an ice cube the size of the ice burg that sank the Titanic to restore order in the internal regions. Lets see now ban Diesel/Petrol vehicles, what do you replace them with? Electric vehicles? No cunts rolled an electric lorry out yet. Cut down on Beef and Lamb? Fuck off when you pay for it sunshine, then you can tell me where and when. Don’t fly? When you cunts don’t fly 5000 miles to join a bunch of soap dodging cunts to fuck London up even more than it is already, when politicians scientists stop jetting off for jollies anytime they feel like it, so will I. No new gas boilers? How do I earn a living? Turn the thermostat down? Fuck off when its cold up goes the dial cunt, I pay for it so do one on that score. All this shit and no one is saying stop popping out sprogs. Its overpopulation that is fucking it up.
In conclusion a mega cunting for these climate change cunts please.
Fuck them alll bar one and fuck the last one twice Cunts

Nominated by CuntyMort

I wish to nominate Jamie Windust, a “non binary” fugly, weird, cunt who doesn’t ascribe itself to either gender. It looks like a pantomime dame , if you met it in either a male or female public toilet, you would be scared shitless, so maybe it has a point. Wake up and behave like an adult you abomination of a CUNT.

Nominated by Sir Cuntalot

EMERGENCY CUNTING!

Chris Grayling. Again.

Barely a day goes by when the useless incompetent cunt otherwise known as Chris Grayling (Transport Secretary since 2016) hasn’t fucked something or other up. And usually big time, costing the taxpayer hundreds of millions (if not billions) of pounds.

Today (May 16th 2019) it has been announced that offender supervision has been renationalised. Chris Grayling (then had his Justice Secretary hat on) was in charge of the disastrous and “irredeemably flawed” privatisation of the probation service to subcontracted firms in 2014 which has seen the service falling into total chaos in just four years, taking with it nearly £500m of taxpayers’ money.

On the SAME day it has been announced that Chris Grayling (now wearing his Transport Secretary hat) has issued a warning to Tory contenders against scrapping HS2 high speed rail. This is despite a report stating the original cost insisted for the 225mph train would cost the taxpayer £30b, however after delays and repeated calculations the expected cost has already been estimated at £56b. Many experts calculate the final cost could be a staggering £100b.

The verdict is a staggering blow for Transport Chris Grayling, who has insisted the infrastructure project will stick within its LATEST expected budget (not the original one). Pause for disbelief and much laughter.

A Lords Economic Affair Committee spokesperson said “the cost of HS2 does not appear to be under control. If costs overrun on the first phase of the project, there could be insufficient funding for the rest of the new railway. The northern sections of HS2 must not be sacrificed to make up for the overspending on the railway’s southern sections”.

Esther McVey has said “HS2 must be scrapped. It is an out of date and unpopular vanity project, a huge waste of tax payers money, will destroy huge swaths of our countryside and would be a slap in the face for both our northern cities and the taxpayer”.

Only a few months ago it was discovered that Chris Grayling (Transport Secretary hat) had awarded a “post Brexit no-deal scenario” £13.8m contract to Seaborne Freight, a “shipping company” who did not own any ships. At the time he assured us that no public money had been spent however the government awarded £33m to Channel Tunnel operator Eurotunnel to stop it pursuing a High Court battle against the government.

Chris Grayling (Transport Secretary hat) was also blamed for the timetable chaos that caused misery for thousands of commuters in the Summer of 2018. While Grayling earlier claimed that he did not ‘run the railways’, the transport committee concluded that Grayling should have taken charge. Of course, this isn’t the first time the hapless Grayling has found himself in hot water. In fact, the Transport Secretary has a habit of disasters following him around.

Grayling (Homophobic hat) was forced to apologise back in 2010 for saying that B&B owners should have the right to turn away gay guests. The shadow home secretary’s colleagues turned on Grayling, with one shadow minister telling the Guardian that ‘Chris Grayling is just not up to the job’.

A book ban on prisoners, introduced by Chris Grayling in 2013, (again Justice Secretary) was one of his most unpopular moves. The former justice secretary’s decision to stop friends and families from sending books to inmates was later ruled to be unlawful by the High Court.

Grayling’s (Justice Secretary) decision to introduce charges for those pleading guilty in court led to the resignation of more than 100 magistrates. The fees – £150 for those entering a guilty plea in a magistrates’ court, or £1200 for those found guilty at a crown court – were criticised for apparently encouraging innocent people to plead guilty. Michael Gove binned the charges when he took over from Grayling, saying that the ‘intent has fallen short’.

Grayling (anti Northern people hat) did his best to alienate people in Manchester by comparing the city’s Moss Side area to The Wire, a drama series about American drug dealers. His opposite number, the home secretary Alan Johnson, accused Grayling of ‘talking Britain down’.

Train travellers were in uproar when season ticket costs rose sharply at the beginning of 2018 (and again in 2019). But in 2018 while miserable commuters waited on cold platforms for overpriced and delayed trains, Grayling (Transport secretary hat) made himself scarce – by jetting off to the sunny Gulf. Grayling said that he wished the fare rise ’wasn’t as high as it is’ but he insisted he was busy ‘trying to win jobs for Britain’ in Qatar.

Nothing positive has EVER been achieved by this man, and he has fucked up every single job he has been given. In any other business environment Chris Grayling would have been sacked for total incompetence and out of a job for good. The Midas touch in reverse.

Some say (to coin Jeremy Clarkson) that Grayling is only there to make Theresa May look efficient and credible. To her credit she would be hard pushed to find anyone worse.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Chris Grayling. A totally useless cunt of the very highest order.

Nominated by Willie Stroker