Emergency cunting for Marcus Ball – traitor, fiend, welp and cunt.

Firstly anyone who’s name is MARK and yet decides that everyone should call him Marcus is a cunt and should get a slap.
This isn’t Roman times. You don’t sound sophisticated, you sound like a cunt.

Secondly, this is the cunt that is taking Boris Johnson to court to sue him for misconduct in public office, for comments made in the run-up to the EU referendum.
On a bus.
Yes, that fucking bus again.

Is there no depth that these desperate remoaner traitors will not sink to?

It’s somewhat heartening to know that the remainers have such a weak argument that they have to obsess over a fucking bus (that no-one paid any attention to during the campaign) with a SUGGESTION, NOT A STATEMENT written on the side of it. But it’s starting to wear thin and tbh, I’m getting a little sick of hearing about a sodding bus with a slogan on the side.

I’m looking forward however to him also taking Gideon Osbourne to court for the lies told during project fear, and I’m sure Barak Obama will be called in to explain his lies about sending us to the back of the queue….

…I won’t hold my breath though.

Nominated by Deploy the Sausage

…dinosaurs? Hmmmmm…

Israel Folau is a cunt, isn’t he.

This extremist has been sacked by the Australian Rugby board for recent comments, including a slating of gay people. Free speech experts shout that he shouldn’t have been sacked and I agree. Nonetheless …. God’s Tits, what a fundamental fuckwit.

His other comments attacked atheists, drinking alcohol, telling lies, and… “fornicating”. Christ on a hover board…. party like it’s the first century! Being preached and threatened the righteous, scrupulous way by a knucklehead who throws around an egg-shaped ball for a living!

Being a fundamentalist (having STRICT beliefs in the LITERAL interpretation of religious texts), he no doubt believes in talking snakes, plagues of locusts, people turning into salt, God murdering all mankind (except Noah’s family) in a flood, zombies brought back to life, no dinosaurs existed, etc.

Furthermore, a cunting within a cunting for the sheer irony of a ‘Rugger’ player complaining about homôs. A man who spends all day training/hugging muscley men, spends Saturdays playing against/hugging muscley men then has showers and reach-arounds with muscley men. Hmm.

Listen hammerhead, if you don’t like people shagging and boozing, which your God supposedly invented, why don’t you move to a small island off Tonga. Better still, how about Saudi Arabia?

Moralising, credulous cunt.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

A short-back-and-sides cunting for Barbers and hairdressers, please.

I utterly despise visits to get my fucking mop cut. Give me dentists, give me hospitals, give me any fucking medical ordeal going and I don’t fear anything. But trips to the barber genuinely fill me with a fucking unspeakable dread. No word of a lie, I always put it off for as long as I can.

The best barber I ever had never said a fucking word – a no-nonsense, no-talking Northern motherfucker who never even thanked me for tipping but that was just how I liked it. Now, I’m stuck with a mouth-breathing, bald Turk and I don’t have a fucking clue what he is saying 70% of the time. Without fail, when I tell him I want the usual trim, he cracks the same bastard joke – “not azz a-short den mine eh uh huh huh”. I’d just love to scream at him to fuck off and die, but this unhinged kofte-gobbling subhuman might just slash my fucking throat with the razor.

And not to mention of course the ever-present peroxidey-ammonia stench, the guaranteed blaring radio tuned into Magic FM, the uncomfortably close proximity to the cunts, the pointless litany of monochrome posters featuring models with that Morrissey-tier fucking quiff (seriously, why are they even there), the loud fishwives bringing in their scum progeny who always get served before you, the cuntly pricing of cuts designed to be an awkward sum which railroads you into tipping them an undeserving amount…

I fucking despise the whole experience and if my psychopathic tendencies were just that wee bit stronger, I’d just shave my bonce myself with a grade 1 at home and be done with the fucking cunts for good.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Tasnime Akunjee

Every now and then a cunt appears to try and outcunt all others and here he is.
The lawyer representing the murderous whore Shamima Begum claims in a letter to the home secretary that it is Britains fault that poor little Shamima went to join ISIS as we failed to protect her against grooming and trafficking by Islamic state.

Well I’m glad that’s cleared up then, lets all welcome the terrorist back with open arms.

Why, for fucks sake, do we even allow these anti British cunts a platform to come out with this bollocks. Any radicalisation of these fuckwits has come from their own pig shit community, and a better way forward would be to send them all to Syria.

Nominated by Duke of Cuntshire

I am defiantly going to cunt the “New Gins”

Gin has come back in fashion again; many many small “distilleries” have come to light and initially I welcomed the small business idea taking on the “Big Brands”.
That was until I visited a small independent one of many similar business models.
To give you a little understanding as a family, the Benny family has a good background in back room hooch, my mother (bless her soul) would ferment potatoes as base and using an adapted pressure cooker distill the wonderful stuff known as “Raziki” in Benghazi after the revolution.
I myself have travelled in eastern Europe where a back yard still is the norm. On my return to the UK, horrified by the massive mark up on a daily essential, I purchased a re-flux still and used to knock up 80% proof at £1 a litre (it’s slightly more complex than that, but this is a cunting and not school).
Any way visiting the “Distillery” I was rather shocked to find that they import their base spirit….exactly they do not ferment, have never made a wash, never filtered, cut or any of the normal things I would associate with distilling a decent drink!
Instead the talk was on “Botanicals”, putting flowers and other shit in someone else’s product, running it through a still, shoving it in a pretty bottle from Italy and saying “that will be £37 for 70cl please” .
Total wank I say, if you can make a cup of tea then you can distill like this, what total harridan bull shitters they are!
So “Novo Gin” is a cunt!

Nominated by Lord Benny