This nomination goes out to the chubby cunt who can’t cook, who we all know as Jamie Oliver. This cunt is a cunt for many reasons but this time I believe he has truly out-cunted himself. After his restaurants failed, which he puts down to the decline in the UK high street rather than his inability to make anything edible, this unbearable fat cunt has now struck a deal with Shell for his new healthy eating deli range. Much like a politician, it seems like democracy doesn’t exist when it comes to what we choose to eat either. We haven’t forgotten about the turkey twizzlers and we won’t forget how fucking shit your food tastes either. Considering this cunt is a UN environmental campaigner and is now opening deli ranges at Shell the oil company, this lispy mockney cunt is almost as big a hypocrite as he is a cunt.

Nominated by Cunt Curtains

A piss-splashed truss with added nicotine stains cunting please for the *Father Of The House* who, along with Hattie Heseltine, is the go-to old woman of choice for Evan Davis and the PM show on Wireless 4. Today Clarky appeared on the sister show The World At One to proudly announce he would be happy to bring the government down,

That pair of arseholes, just like commoner Dominic Grieve (and the last time I saw a face like Grieve’s Tarzan was feeding it with bananas, sideways), are wealthy men who could fuck off out of this country if ever McDonnell gets his clammy hands on the country’s finances.

What these greasy egregious fuckers are saying is that they would be happy to see a communist government leading this country with their pansy hangers on remainiacs and lessies and feminists, just because they can’t get their own way. Of course they would not stay here to suffer it with us, as death or their passports would get them away. What a pile of shit these self-centered *grandees* are.

The Tories are useless but at least they are not dangerous unlike Corbyn’s red scum.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

I used to have a soft spot for this bibulous, cigar smoking rather affable former chancellor. That was before he showed his colours as a rabid europhile.

His latest pronouncement is to say that he will vote against any Conservative government which proposes a no deal Brexit in a vote of confidence.

Let that sink in – he is prepared to risk an extreme left Corbyn government rather than honour the democratic vote to leave the EU.

Kenneth Clarke you are a cunt.

Now fuck off.

Nominated by Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

The statue of Lily Parr and the fucking bullshit virtue signalling that commissioned it.

………’ and you join us at the finals of the Most Brainiest Cunt in the World Ever contest 2019 and it’s a tie break between The Brain and The Worlds Biggest Brain ever’.

‘Contestants, who ever answers the next question correctly wins the Brainiest Cunt in the World Contest 2019 and gets to own the World, ok so dating back to the 1920’s and possible a bit before but we can’t be sure because there’s no records,what women pioneered the game of women’s football?’

Brain……..Erm was it erm, sorry no it’s gone.

Ok the worlds biggest brain ever you now have a free pass, no pressure.

Ok I think it was, erm, erm was it, Emily Pankhurst.

Beeep.

Incorrect answer.

I can give you a clue for a 50% reduction in the prize.

Known as ‘Big Lil she smoked 60 fags a day and played for Dick Kerr Ladies in Preston, her surname was Parr’

Beeep. Yes The Brain. Was it Dick Kerr.

Wrong answer

Beeep.

Yes, The Biggest Brain Ever, was it Stanley Matthews?

No and it’s clear the pair of you are sexist bigots and you’re now being reported for a hate crime.

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

Asdrit Kapaj, aka ‘The Wimbledon Prowler’, has been jailed for 14 years after lifting an estimated £10 mill. in swag from around 200 houses in Wimbledon over a 10 year period.
The thieving Albanian cunt arrived in the UK in 1996 (how so many of his fellow cuntrymen get in remains a mystery to me) and was given indefinite leave to stay after falsely claiming to be a refugee from Kosovo. He subsequently began his one man crime wave seemingly to fund a gambling addiction. Kapaj originally stated upon arrest that he’d been ‘sleepwalking’ (!!) when breaking into people’s homes, but later coughed to numerous offences.
Thanks to this stinking bastard, numerous residents were afraid in their own homes. At least two householders are reported to have sold up, and several children have needed treatment due to being traumatised by repeated encroachments. A number of cleaners and childminders lost their jobs as a result of being suspected of theft.
I’m sure that cunters everywhere are as pleased as me to learn that we’ve now got to fund this shitstain’s stay at HM’s pleasure; plus, no doubt, a raft of benefits for his family. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m definitely suffering from that newly identified but extreme psychological condition dubbed ‘enrichment syndrome’, characterised principally by a deep and vicious loathing of cunts like Asdrit Kapaj.

Nominated by Ron Knee

British stand up comedy is a fucking cunt.

Having the stand up comedy bar raised exceptionally high from my early twenties, feasting on diet of American comics, the late Bill Hicks, George Carlin, and the currently existing Doug Stanhope, I find it tragic and infuriating that the United Kingdom has failed to produce anything of a similar standard, or even half as good.

Instead, the UK’s so-called comedians include the likes of:

Michael Mcintyre (fat, high-pitched, banal, “I live in Muswell Hill” unfunny cunt)

Russell Howard (Boggle, cross-eyed, void of any substance or weight in comedic material, catering for the moronic masses, unfunny cunt)

Dara O’Briain (fat, potato-scoffing, annoying-as-fuck, lefty, unfunny, Paddy cunt)

Eddie Izzard (Cross-dressing, gender-fluid, lefty, self-important, “activist” and probably calls him self an anarchist, unfunny, tranny cunt)

Plus the various smatterings of…

A black comedian – talks about being black for the entire duration of his / her routine.

An Asian comedian – talks about being Asian for the entire duration of his / her routine.

Any woman comedian – talks about cake, periods and how all men are bastards (especially that fat, lefty unfunny cunt, Jo Brand) for the entire duration of the routine.

A poof comedian – minces around talking about being a shit-stabber for the entire duration of his routine.

Instead of quality material and individuality, we are left with a coven of politically-correct, non-offensive, BBC / Channel 4 moulded, loathsome joke-blowing, mediocre cretins, armed with their unoriginal, unexceptional monologues and the all-important get-out-of-jail-free, if all else fails, Trump. Brexit, Farage lifejacket jokes, catering for the remoaners, left-wing faggots, simpletons and dullards.
In a nutshell, anyone who watches ‘At The Apollo’ or stand up on Comedy Central.

Even the one guy who everyone thought was too outrageous, Frankie Boyle, morphed into a fucking Guardian column-writing, towel-head-apologist twat. He was shit, anyway, shock value with no substance, with material straight from Sikipedia.

If there is an aspiring home-grown bedroom comic who isn’t afraid to offend, to tell the truth and to make people think as well as laugh, please, step forward and grab the spotlight with both hands. You’ll probably be destined for a career in small venues and Youtube, as the mainstream networks censors anything that doesn’t fit their narrative, but at least, give it a go.

Nominated by Lord Cuntony