Now far be it for me to suggest that the wondrous beauty that is young life and the (ahem) ‘promise’ that they hold may actually be worthy of a cunting…..

….but boy, are they cunts or what?

Specifically, my fellow cunters, I offer up a nomination for kids on scooters in shops. Actually, they are irritating in any location, but it is when out shopping that they are REALLY at warp factor 1000 on the annoyance scale.

From a personal point of view, when it comes to shopping I like to get in and get out in  as fast a time as possible. No pissing around browsing shit that I don’t really want or need, no fannying around looking at what is ‘on special offer’ and might be worth stocking up on. Oh no, none of that bollocks.

I have a list. I seek, I find my target and I pay. I am in and out of there like a fart in a colander.

I am, in actual fact, the human equivalent of a scud missile.

Sadly, these days my mission is stymied by the likes of numerous sprogs wheeling around the shopping precincts and worse still, INSIDE the shops themselves on ‘the creation of Lucifer’, that being a scooter. I find myself frequently unable to beetle up an aisle due to some little shit blocking my way with the contraption, or else having my heels rammed into by some little darling and his ‘favourite toy’.

When I was a kid (back in the days before the wheel was invented) I went shopping with my Mum and fuck all else in tow, for two reasons. Firstly, my Mum told me that she wasn’t going to end up carrying whatever it was I dragged along with me and secondly, when out in public I was to stay right with her and ‘bloody well behave’, or else I would get a swift slap on my arse cheek (another cardinal sin these days. Oh those poor, abused children of ‘ye olden days’. God forbid they ACTUALLY be disciplined, but I digress)

To me, this smacks of two things. One, parental apathy when it comes to actually maintaining responsibility for your child when shopping, so preferring to ‘keep them amused’ while they browse the bog roll shelf and secondly, ridiculous indulgence of their child’s whims to drag their shit along with them, because they don’t want to be seen to be ‘a bad parent’, or else they cannot be arsed to face a temper tantrum from their obnoxious spawn. There is absolutely no consideration for other shoppers, particularly elderly folk who are not agile enough to avoid these little Lewis Hamilton fuckers.

Just as cuntworthy are the shops that allow this bollocks to go on in their store.

I am not a killjoy when it comes to children being children, but for the sake of fuck, let’s get real here. There is a time and a place for riding hell for leather on a scooter and shopping areas and inside shops are NOT the place.

CUNTS!

Tut Tut NC, you cannot possibly call children ‘cunts’.

OH YES, I BLOODY CAN!

Nominated by Nurse Cunty

The world health organisation – capitals omitted on purpose!

Looks like for periods of my life I have been disabled, I need to see if I am due any unpaid benefits for this unfortunate disability. Not only do those amongst who fire blanks now class as disabled but those who go through a dry spell are also due a hefty benefits payment.

Does a rapist now class as a cure for disability, how fucking crazy do things have to get?

“Until now, infertility – the failure to achieve pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sex – was not considered a disability.

But now in dramatic move the World Health Organisation will change the standard to suggest that a person who is unable to find a suitable sexual partner or is lacking a sexual relationship to have children – will now be equally classified as disabled.”

Nominated by Sixdog Vomit

Having been made redundant, rang these tossers to ensure that my stamp is paid (for once something for nothing). Guess how long I’ve got to wait for an appointment? 10 fucking days, Jesus on a fucking Harley. Whatever happened to rock up sign up fuck off? 10 days probably dreaming up excuses or variations of saying no.

I suppose the druggies pill heads single mothers gimmegrants et all will be accomodated. One stumbling block I encountered early on nationality? Why English of course, you cant be that you’re British,hang on born in England ergo English. When did I become a stranger in my own land? Was it that cocksniff Antony Bliar and his cunting minions mayhap?

So anyhow, how much money I have in the bank is of no concern to you cunts, it’s taxed income so fuck off. Pay my stamp and anything else I’m entitled to. Knowing that the feckless get looked after I’ll be lucky to get 2/10ths of 5/8 ths of the square root of fuck all.

Epic motherfuckers and piss boilers bastards to a man or woman, knowing my luck it’ll be fucking ugly as well if it’s supposedly female.

Why the fuck do they want my passport, birth certificate, utility bill, council tax bill. Do they not appreciate CuntyMort is paying a state visit/ fact finding tour.

Don’t be surprised if I end up getting ejected from the premises after being verbally abusing the staff.

Fuck them all bar one, fuck that one twice

At this rate I can see me giving them an imperial fuck off and telling them my arse is now retired

Nominated by CuntyMort

Outside broadcasts at parliament need a nomination.

A sea of EU flags (outside of the UK parliament buildings) and that same tiresome cunt shouting out ‘stop Brexit’ like he’s done for about the past three years. I think he has been nominated, but can’t remember his name.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

That was quick Steve Bray welsh cunt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Bray_(activist)

Disclaimer: We are not responsible for any offence caused by this Welsh themed joke….and suggest you fuck off, you miserable cunt.

‘Comic Omid Djalili has upset some social media users in Wales with a joke about the Welsh language.

The comedian posted a picture of a road sign for Nantgaredig and the National Botanic Gardens of Wales, bearing the translation Gardd Fotaneg Genedlaethol.

Next to that the 53-year-old Londoner tweeted: “There are worse things than being Welsh, dyslexic & having a terrible stutter. But not many.”

The gag sparked a flurry of angry responses.

Marc Jones wrote: “Disappointing that someone with Iranian heritage reckons it’s OK to have a pop at a minority culture.”

There is a vein of these thick po faced cunts running through Welsh society. Usually they are Plaid Cymru cunts. They were around in my youth when we used to take the piss out of the earnest twats. The clue is in the way this Jones cunt spells his Christian name. Why not Ioans for his surname I wonder?
The English were ‘stealing all our water’ Perhaps the daftest claim even these cunts could come up with.
This is not a bad joke as modern jokes go and all proper Taffies will find it funny.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble