We’ve all seen them, in fact they’re hard to miss. The famous and not-so-famous, using their status to help flog some product or other.

There they are, with a shit-eating smirk and the sincerity of a used car salesman, telling how much of a difference it will make to our lives if we buy this, that or the other. There’s nothing new under the sun of course, and celebrity endorsements have been around for donkey’s. Who, for example, could possibly forget the nation’s favourite granny, Thora Hird, being put up to this one;
‘Churchill’s are the only stairlift company I trust, and I recommend them to you’
(translation into English; ‘they’re paying me loadsa money to use my name’)

Then there’s dear old Michael ‘Parky’ Parkinson feeding us this line;
‘We’d all like to leave something for our loved ones or to help with funeral costs, and with Sun Life Over 50s Plan, you can do just that. The first month’s premium is free, and you get a free pen just for applying’
(translation into English; ‘they’re paying me loadsa money to use my name’)

We all know why companies do it. They want an influential figure who they think ‘fits’ the product, and relates to the target audience. Suave George Clooney is there to give ‘Martini’ a sophisticated allure. On the other hand, Ray ‘Jack the Lad’ Winston is there to remind goggle-eyed SkySport watchers every five minutes that he ‘bets wisponsibly wiv bet365’. Horses for courses.

Naturally Joe Public is meant to be reassured by the sight of a well-known face fronting up a product. They’re famous, right? They must be nice, we can trust them not to try to dupe us. Definitely. So ‘Parky’ punts a saving plan to gullible oldies, even though ‘Which?’ magazine and other consumer groups warn that it’s a fucking shit deal which commits you to pay the premium for life, and will probably pay out less than the sum paid in. And we can all remember Mr Savile back in the day, urging us to travel on British Rail. Such a nice, decent man. Then there was good ol’ John Peel, still telling us that ‘it’s an Equitable Life’, even as the company collapsed into ruin. I was one of thousands caught out by that campaign, but I bet you got your cash, you Scouse cunt. Still we keep falling for it. Must do, because companies continue to pour millions into the pockets of people who’ve already got loads; to persuade us to shell out our hard earned on stuff we probably don’t really want or need, just so that we’ll think we’re in good company.

Fuck off you devious, manipulative, avaricious cunts.

Nominated by Ron Knee

The Sunday fucking Times

Have cunted this before for its smug Home Counties/London up it’s own arseness, but today (18/8) it has excelled.

It has decent opinion columns but has always pushed project fear in ‘News’ and Business. Today it devotes the front page and the first four inside pages to a leaked report which basically say we are all no-deal doomed. Doomed I tell you. We will starve, queue, sicken, go bankrupt and die. The channel ports are fucked (as usual, we don’t seem to have any others) Ireland will explode.

The report is codenamed ‘Yellowhammer’, and guess where it came from? Yes, correct – the Treasury, Whitehall etc.

Reporters pissed up in a London wine bar with civil servants no doubt. As usual.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Order Order – a massive cunting please for all the fatarses stuck on the red and green benches at Westminster.

It seems that Tory peers are now colluding with LibDems and labour cunts to get Harry Potter’s granny’s bill to delay Brexit yet again, the meddling Hilary Benn and his oh-o-clever self satisfied smirking motherfucker:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-49588186.

It was originally suggested that the tories in the Lords would fillibuster so that the bill would fail before the houses close down next week.

Because that fucking hypocritical sack of shit (you can almost smell it on his piss-stained undercrackers even from the safety of the newspaper or TV screen) Corbyn is too scared to face an election, despite wanting one as recently as Monday 2nd September, Ken Clarke (“the national treasure” as described by some trollop on Wireless 4 yesterday) believe they need “more time” to discuss Brexit. I know the old cunts brain is packing in but isn’t 3 years and 3 months long enough?

Most of the cunts in the Lords should be in a care home. Many of those in Parliament ought to be in prison for their scams, a well as defying the will of the majority who voted for Brexit. We voted Leave, not “with a deal” or any of that old shit they have tacked on.

No doubt Starmer and Barry Gardiner will be on the radio and TV today producing more bullshit than a whole heard of Aberdeen Angus. No doubt Corbyn will be nowhere to be seen, because he is still shitting himself at the thought of being crucified at the polls. The nancy Blairites will make sure Steptoe, McDonnell Clive Lewis, are kept off the air, so they can try to keep their pure as TCP phoney image.

It would be possible to call an election with a one line bill under the fixed term rule, but will Boris do it?. It would be possible for Boris to ask the Queen to rescind Hilary Mary-Ann Benn’s bill, but will he?

I doubt it. What a bunch of lying cowardly gaggle of cunts foregather at Westminster every day to ponce of our charity.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

A cunting for 21st century edumacation.

Firstly, a disclaimer; I’m not a philistine, and I’m a graduate, but i don’t think many graduates really think beyond getting a degree, and fewer seem to bother reading anything beyond clickbait crap. I have this very unfashionable, elitist view that not everyone should go to university, or even study for A’ levels.

After watching the ultimately mediocre teenagers celebrating 10 A-stars in gender-bending and performance studies, culinary arts and fashion design, it seems the number of kiddywinks getting ‘A’ has dropped to its lowest level since 2007.

I thought that was good news, as perhaps the grade inflation under Blair had been reversed. This is only half-true; It emerges that the mark needed to get an A in Maths is now a paltry 55%, and an A* is 72%.
Physics students are awarded an A at 59%. The exam board are just pandering to the indulgent middle-class parents. Nowadays, everyone is an Einstein, or, to be more patronising and modern, everyone is a Professor Brian Cox. ‘Space is brillian’, int it?’

Gove’s reforms have fallen short. Same old faux-egalitarianism as Anthony Lynton Blair’s work avoidance scheme.

These are supposedly the hard subjects, where standards and rigour matter, where nature is the arbiter of truth, not some blue-haired munter who has an opinion on fat shaming. The figures for Gender and Media studies, Performing arts, Lesbian dance and the GNVQ in pet beauty therapy arent mentioned; turning up to 50% of lessons probably gets the little darlings a B.

This is all pretty worrying when you look at the numeracy and literacy rates of UK school leavers from 2014 compared to the late 1990s and how they compared with developed nations.

In the late nineties, amongst OECD countries, the UK was 7th for literacy.
By 2014 and under 13 years of Blairite ‘education, education, education’ literacy rates had plummetted to 23rd out of 24.

In my experience, most of my contemporaries who left school at 16 with pretty much no further academic training have better spelling, punctuation and grammar than a lot of the humanities graduates I’ve encountered since, and probably better than most current Hollywood screenwriters.

If your standards are set so fucking low, and yet fewer half-witted, overindulged, phone addict children meet those standards, it’s no wonder that what passes for discourse on social media resembles the logical and verbal coherency of a fire in a zoo.

Get taught values and what to think, rather than skills and how to think.

Fucking snowflakes and their piss-poor, right-on, semi-literate, mediocrity-worshipping education.

Cunts.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime