Ryan-Mark Parsons – “Who the fuck is this?” you may ask.

He is one of the new intake on The King Of Wank Spanners – The Apprentice.

Please let me digress and tell you more about this Mark. Anyone with a double barrelled name is indeed a two Dad cunt. He explains more about himself as you can see below:

‘Two Dads’ describes himself as “a 60-year-old trapped in a teenager’s body”….

What the fuck?

A luxury Womenswear consultant from South East London, he has a passion for the finer things in life….

He said: “I like to think of myself like a handbag… this beautiful handbag embezzled in diamonds and the beautiful crocodile finish”…

If I see that bag, I will have a huge shite in it!

“But it’s actually concealing something inside – and that’s what I like to bring to the table”….

You are indeed a massive cunt.

“I’m concealing a fire and I’m not afraid to step on other people’s toes”….

Fucking Grenfell Tower survivors will have your card marked.

Another Apprentice Cunt.

Nominated by James McMahon

A nomination for the woke outrage over silly films.

The latest comic book film, ‘Joker’, has got the usual soy-licking culprits in a state because it sympathises with isolated, young, white men and romanticises their incel lifestyle and their rage at society.

One journalist from some clickwank site written for 12-year-olds says the film is ripe for the alt-right to turn into memes. Others say it is explicitly political, despite the director saying it’s not really. Who cares? It’s a silly comic book film, however well Joaquin Phoenix might play the role.

Why do these freaks only aim their sights at popular entertainment, especially these comic book films?

I suspect they lack the critical faculties and cultural knowledge to analyse the ‘problematic’ themes in great works of art, music or literature, because the learned will be on their case, laughing at their stupidity. Best stick to ‘Stranger Things’, eh?

We should pity these third rate sociology lecturers and their desire to write essay after essay on the male gaze in Adam Sandler movies, the misogyny of computer games, and their homoerotic ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’/’Doctor Who’/’Harry Potter’ fan fiction, or how Banksy is so subversive.

An industry of chimps, publishing claptrap for gibbons.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

Stanley Johnson is a cunt, isn’t he?

Want an opinion on BoJo’s latest idea? Call Stanley.
Need a talking head for your lowly-viewed, Channel 38 “Current Affairs” programme? Call Stanley.
Require somebody who knows Boris to blither on about how he spoke to Nanny rather rudely, or didn’t use to pick up his jim-jams from the floor? Call Stanley.

Usually nepotism runs in the opposite direction, yet that’s not going to prevent this garrulous old terrier from cashing in on his son’s notoriety. The till must be dinging away as this greedy duffer is available at the drop of a hat.

For anybody who hasn’t been paying attention, allow me to elucidate: Boris has a pop at the unelected gangsters over at Club EU; his father is there to give a contrary point of view (Oooh, controversy). Johnson younger is accused of squeezing some bint’s thigh twenty years ago; call in Johnson senior to opine on the matter (Oooh, controversy). Boris calls Extinction Rebellion a “bunch of crusties stinking of hemp”; That’s right, Pater is there to seemingly take the other side to earn some easy folding stuff (yawn, mundanity).

There hasn’t been anybody working this hard since the last dozen Gimmigrants worked a pedalo across the English channel. Such is his thirst for exposure or a tv gig and the subsequent filthy lucre, he works every channel he can. His huffing and puffing and rushing and nodding is frenetically exhausting, and fabulously rewarding. He’d put a Lithuanian whore to shame.

For bookings, call his agent. No job too small! Johnson is available for TV, radio, newspapers, magazines, appearances, jungles, parish pamphlets, walk-ons, walk-offs, the closing of a college ceremony or the opening of a fucking Poundland; this shameless, salivating, old spiv will do them all.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Helen Mirren… She doesn’t believe in binary ideas of male and female – ’We’re all somewhere in the middle’.

The 74-year-old actor dismissed a “black and white” conception of male and female, and claims she has a lot of male qualities herself:

“I came to the conclusion an awfully long time ago that there is black and there is white, and we’re all somewhere in the middle in a wonderful mix of male and female,” she said in an interview with Radio Times magazine. “There is no such thing as binary sexuality, when you’re male or female. I don’t believe that at all.”

Yet another bullshitter jumping on the PC/Deviancy bandwagon. Just fuck off.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

Ambulance chasing cunts…

A blue light with sirens cunting for these wastes of skin. Some dopey tart rang me today asking about the non-existent accident I had, where I was injured. Medical negligence, etc, etc. Fuck off slag! Why hang up before old CuntyMort’s sweary potty mouth gets emptied over your vacant skull? Fucking Premier League mongs who should be inhaling the delights of Zyklon B.

Oh, did I call them cunts as well? Good.

Nominated by CuntyMort