“Home-maker, Full-time Mother or House-Husband”

What a ridiculous way to describe being a lazy, sponging,benefit-grabbing Waster.

Turn of the daytime telly,put down the wine glass,tidy yourself up.get a job and stop sponging off other people…Oh,and Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

A nom for the Rainbow Poppy if you please.

An odd one this, in that the internet has been awash with news of the LGBTQ cunts selling a rainbow-patterned poppy for Remembrance Day. It’s not actually true, this was the work of just one person on eBay; but nevertheless the right-thinking among us, unaware they have been duped, have quite rightly kicked off and told them exactly where to stick their pissing-on-dead-soldiers-graves abomination.

However, this has resulted in a pro-ponce backlash from the usual right-on types who are widely saying that we SHOULD have rainbow poppies because there were millions of arse bandits in WWII!! Jesus H Christ, yes I’m sure there were lots of drag queens who struggled with their party dresses and Manolo Blahniks climbing out of the fucking trenches. What the actual fuck!

Nominated by Cuntan the Cuntarian

I want to cunt over-sharers.
Those people who talk loudly in public about things (usually bodily functions) that we’d rather not hear about.

For example, the other day whilst I’m queuing at the checkout in a supermarket, a woman and her two daughters are behind me. The oldest daughter who looks to be in her late teens or early twenties, then starts talking about her monthly cycle and how this month its much heavier than usual – she was a little more graphic than this, but I’ll spare you the information or else I’ll be a victim of my own cunting.

Menstruating is nothing to be ashamed of, after all its a natural process, but do you really have to tell everyone about how you need more sanitary products this month because its a particularly heavy month. Put me right off my spag bol.

Same with adverts. Do we really need adverts about “leakage”?
Males as well as females apparently.

Like those awful v.i. poo adverts with some aspiring hollywood tart talking about how her shit stinks. Is it all really necessary?

Nominated by Harold Steptoe

Oh please please another cunting for that political giant and all round goodfellow Keith (washing machine) Vaz. Appears that the investigations into the “not renboy affair and offer to pay for marching powder” carried out by some government committe have concluded that vazalines explanation was bollocks and the youngish chaps present and seen on the recording were not interior decorators advising vaz on a face lift for the shagging pad but rentboys of Eastern European extraction. The Romanian rentboy was the one that vaz offered to pay for his white powder. Parts of the conversation involved vaz telling the others that on a previous session with a rentboy no condom was avaliable so vaz went bareback. The commission pointed out that at no time did any person appearing in the recording mention gloss or silk finish for woodwork and no samples of wall covering were visible throughout the recording. The committee agreed that vaz told them a crock of shit ie told porkies and his story was ludicrous to say the least. The report recommends that he be elevated to the peerage.

Nominated by Black biscuit

Keith ‘Ludicrous’ Vaz
I’m sure we can all agree that our politicians are wonderful. As an outstanding illustration, please step forward the ‘Honourable’ Keith Vaz, MP for Leicester East.
Mr Vaz is no stranger to controversy, and now finds himself in hot water with the Commons Standards Committee. The committee has found that Vaz has caused ‘significant damage’ to the reputation of parliament (oh, the delicious irony of it!) and is set to suspend him for six months.
So what’s the bad boy been up to then? Well, he was secretly recorded in his London flat meeting two (ah-hem) male ‘escorts’ (rent boys to you and me) and offering to buy marching powder for a third person.
Now personally, I wouldn’t even mind so much if Vaz simply put up his hand and said it was a fair cop; although we can reasonably expect people in public life, particularly law-makers, to set an example, we’re all human. Let he who is without sin etc. No, what riles me about Vaz is the sheer contempt he displays to both his peers and the public in the excuses offered for his behaviour. Apparently the meeting between the parties, held late on a Saturday evening, was to discuss redecoration of the flat. As you do. The meeting reportedly lasted almost two hours, but Vaz stated that he couldn’t remember it, claiming that his drink was ‘spiked’. I’ve seen no explanation as to why this would occur at a meeting just to talk about a bit of painting and decorating.
Anyway, the committee wasn’t buying it, indicating that the MP’s explanations simply weren’t believable, and indeed, were ‘ludicrous’, and so the ‘Honourable’ Mr Vaz is now looking at time in the parliamentary equivalent of purgatory.
The motion before the nation is that Keith Vaz is a cunt; ‘ayes’ to the right, 50 million and counting.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Cunts who watch some YouTube video and then become fucking experts.

I went to fell a tree in a couple’s garden. Thought that there’d be no drama until I got there and was confronted by the neighbour. He’d obviously watched a couple of tree-cutting videos and was keen to give me the benefit of his wisdom…” An easy enough “fall” he says ” I’d have done it for them myself but don’t have the saw for it”……
” Won’t the electric cord for your Black and Decker reach then?” I innocently enquired. Didn’t stop the gobshite ” I’d use a bore-cut on a leaning tree ” was his next jem..
“Aye well,you’ll know all about boring, I’d guess” I replied. That gave the Cunt pause for thought and before he could fire up again, I fired up the saw and drowned him out. When the tree was down the patronising Cunt even had the gall to say to me “Textbook “fall” that…well done”…Just what I’ve always craved.the approval of some daft Gobshite..” Couldn’t have done it without your advice” I told him ” I’m away for a shite later,any instruction for me on which way to wipe?”….Poor Cunt looked a bit crestfallen at that one,it must have dawned on him that I wasn’t going to encourage his delusions of being a tree- cutter and start talking trade with him. In fact all I seemed to have done was confirm the widely held belief that I’m a bit of a twat.

My problem is that he’d obviously watched a couple of videos and seemed to think that it made him an expert. I was half-tempted to hand him the saw and tell him that here was his big chance,it was only the thought of having to attend the Windbag’s inquest that stopped me.

I admit that I have often watched videos on how to do jobs and then had a go myself…with mixed results,I must admit.However I would not dream of approaching a tradesman doing his job and then start trying to tell him his business.

Fuck Off.

Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler