Emergency cunting for our favourite musical mong. Apparently she was so emotionally overwhelmed by Compo’s manifesto for the destruction of Britain that she burst into tears.

Her voice cracking, she dabbed at her eyes with immaculately manicured hands and said: ‘Guys I’ve just watched the Labour manifesto. I think it’s the best manifesto I’ve ever seen.’ But many viewers on Twatter pointed out that the perfectly symmetrical ‘tears’ appeared to be faked using a filter.

To be fair, I burst into tears when I heard what Labour were planning too, but I suspect not for the same reason?

Corbyn today vowed to overhaul the ‘political establishment’ – with the middle classes set to bear the brunt of the socialist assault. Ms Allen – who lives in a London flat after selling her £4.2million Cotswolds mansion in 2016 – has turned to political activism recently and offered her backing to the left-wing Labour leader. She seems oblivious to the fact that she’s one of the evil rich bastards he’s plannimg to crucify if he gets the keys to Number 10.

This at least proves one thing : even turkeys will vote for Christmas…

Nominated by Dioclese

Shit. That’s another one for the wall!

I would like to see this group of clearly bored MP’s cunted.

The latest “huge” problem is inequalitiy in healthcare for

John McDonnell is a malevolent cunt. It’s scary to think that in a couple of weeks time, this wanker might be in a position of power.

He sounded perfectly reasonable on Radio 4 this morning, as long as you didn’t try to understand what he was saying. Get rid of billionaires, state own this, a never ending supply of money and staff for the NHS. All funded by the billionaires that he wants to eradicate. His contempt for anyone who doesn’t agree is barely containable, as he tries to come across as some modern day Robin Hood.

Fucking Zhukov more like.

I think most of the young and the stupid who idolise Corbyn probably haven’t heard of McDonnell, as their only political education comes from sharing ‘love Corbyn’ posts on Facebook, and believe all the shite they spout. They have little idea of how many jobs this cunt will destroy, as anyone who hasn’t already relocated to Eastern Europe will do, happily helped with EU funding.

Nominated by Gutstick Japseye

Today, Wednesday 23 October, I thought I would catch up with the local news before heading off to work.

Now, the local news station that is calendar, is not known for its groundbreaking stories, or cutting edge research, as they don’t like setting foot outside of Leeds, but even those miserable sour faced cunts outdid themselves today.

Item number three in their headline stories was,

‘Sixty three year old Lincolnshire man learns to swim.’

I will watch this, thinks I, what’s the story? Has he witnessed someone drown while being unable to help? Is he going to swim the channel for charity?

No, he has just learned to swim! (Honestly, Google it) he is encouraging others to do the same.

Now I know that not a lot happens in Lincolnshire but fuck me! ‘A man has learned to swim.’

Unless being able to swim is an achievement in Lincolnshire? Maybe he is the only one there who can.

I learned to swim when I was around nine but I don’t remember it being on the telly.

Calendar broadcasts to the largest county in the UK but I doubt if this story would even have got a slot on ‘Craggy Island FM’.

Looking forward to tomorrow’s installment of lazy journalism as I have sent them some interesting stories for their bulletin.

‘Child in Scunthorpe learns to ride bike.’

‘Horse spotted in field in Boston’.

Sit back and wait for the ‘EMMY’ award.

Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Cristo

I’m A Celebrity Cunt is back… What a load of bollocks…

This shite costs millions of pounds to make, lapped up by retarded chav riff raff and featuring “look at me” cunts who would sell their souls to get noticed…and what an array of cunts we have this year.

Chocolate clown, Ian Wright, some tart off NeverEnders, and the fly on top of the dog turd: Caitlyn ‘Brucie Bonus’ Jenner. Fuck me, the circus is in town. What’s the betting that Brucie is going to blub in front of the cameras, being a ‘sensitive woman’ and all that?

Fucking bollocks and a total freak show for narcissists, has beens and abominations.

Nominated by Norman