Ignorant armchair experts are a bunch of cunts.

In the days since the attack on London Bridge, I’ve seen various newspaper opinion piece writers, “social commentators” and various other far left ding dongs on TV and radio, basically slagging off the police for shooting the convicted terrorist who carried it out. Not one of these ball sacks mentioned the two young people who were murdered, nor any of the injured.

They didn’t seem particularly concerned that he had already been convicted for plotting a serious terrorist atrocity. They were very concerned, however, that the police had shot him dead, while he was lying on the ground. “Was it really necessary”? They wailed. “Why didn’t they just take the vest from him? It wasn’t a real homicide vest anyway”. Jesus Christ on a fucking flaming motorbike. It isn’t wonderful to be such an after the fact expert? Isn’t it sheer bliss to be so completely ignorant?

In answer to those questions, having seen the carnage that a homicide bomber can cause, yes, it was very necessary to shoot him dead. He’d already murdered two innocent people, was a clear and present danger to others, and with the chaos going on around them, the police had no idea whether he was alone or in the company of other terrorists. Shooting him dead took him out of the equation. They didn’t take the vest off him, because it takes just a split second to activate a dead man’s switch. Take your thumb off it and boom, literally. And here’s a question for those experts saying that it wasn’t a real homicide vest. Bearing in mind that you know that because of the benefit of hindsight, how do tell a fake homicide vest from a real one? They only sure way to tell, is to examine it. And that’s impossible whilst it’s being worn by a knife-wielding psychopath, who has already attacked at least five people.

None of those criticising the police have the first clue of how to deal with terrorists. And if they’re ever confronted by one, you can guarantee that THEIR reaction would be to shit themselves, and then run away screaming. Dickheads like this genuinely consider themselves to be morally and intellectually superior to everyone else. They are not. They are just the opposite. The fact they were more concerned about the police shooting a convicted terrorist dead, one that used to carry a picture of Osama Bin Laden on his school bag and laughed at images of 9/11, than they are the victims, especially two young people who died while trying to HELP him, tells everything you need to know about these cunts. And Corbyn is one of them. Even after the attack, he’s STILL calling for the early release of terrorists and other criminals.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

I admit to a liking for aftershave, the cheaper the better. I like the sting and the astringent smell although it seems to disappear before I have even left the bathroom. My wife hates my cheapo brands so when she goes off to places like Paris and Rome, generally without me but don´t ask me what she´s up to, she always comes back with some shaving stuff for me. She has obviously paid a fortune for it (or should I say I have paid via our “joint” credit card) and it has always been a waste of money. She never buys me what I want but comes back with after and pre-shave balms, unguents and creams, none of which I like. She then interrogates me every time I shave.

Remember the Sam Goldwyn quote “How much did you love the movie?”. Well that´s how it is. “Did you like the after shave? Was it good? Was it great?” I have to coo with delight as if she had made it with her own fair hands instead of picking it up in the duty free before walking past the Armagnac (which I would much prefer).

Loving it means loving her. Well that´s how she sees it. When I approach her afterwards, swathed in whatever it is, instead of dragging me off to the bedroom, she says something like, “Mother´s just invited us to round on Sunday, won´t that be lovely? Could you give me my phone. I want to see some pictures of cousin Maisie on Facebook. She´s in Disneyland and has posted some pictures of her and Donald Duck.”

Oh for the days of my pre-bumfluff youth and aftershave never existed.

Nominated by Mr Polly

An election night cunting for the cunt Stormzy, who has revealed that he has never voted, as he urged his fans to get involved in the General Election.

Speaking in an ‘impassioned’ video to his 2.7 million Instagram cunt followers, he said:

“I know a lot of people are saying ‘Go vote’, and it can seem like just bullshit, but hear me out. Man’s never voted. Man’s always looked at politicians and thought, ‘You guys are fucking everything up.’ Man don’t trust you lot. You lot don’t do nothing for man and my community and my circumstance and my mum’s circumstance. But for the first time in my 26 years of life, there’s a man that man trusts. And I wouldn’t do all of this; I wouldn’t use my platform, my voice to say that to you guys if I didn’t wholeheartedly.”

He added: “It’s very clear as day; personally, for me it’s very clear-cut. Jeremy Corbyn is a man of hope, a man of justice, a man of equality, and the other guy’s a fucking prick, so don’t be stupid.”

Well, he’s a cunt for being a rapper, a cunt for supporting Jezbollah and an epic cunt for referring to himself as ‘Man’

Did I mention that he’s a cunt?

Nominated by Mystic Maven

A nomination please for Stonewall who believe that teachers should tell children about lesbian, gay and transgender issues in classes such as Maths and Design.

According to The Times, Stonewall suggests that same-sex couples be used to teach children to count in maths lessons, with possible questions including: “How many biscuits are left at Fatima and Shanika’s wedding?” This is actually a trick question, since Islam would not tolerate a same sex marriage. More likely the question would be, how many dead bodies would be left after the massacre?

In design and technology lessons, Stonewall says teachers should use the rainbow flag to help 5 to 7-year-olds understand the meaning of colours.

In computer science, Stonewall suggests pupils could design a dress for Bailey, a boy who dreams of being a girl and is the main character in a picture book called 10,000 Dresses.

If Jezbollah and his toxic bunch form the next government, it will no doubt be their number one education (indoctrination) policy.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

Ever since moving to the Lake District a few months ago, one thing i have as of yet been unable to get the hang of is the accents round these parts!

I spent nearly all my life living in the Birmingham area even though I was born a Shropshire Lad. And fortunately – according to most locals and outsiders that I have met over the years – have not picked up a Birmingham or Black Country accent. In fact my accent is fairly neutral – not posh, but not Neanderthal either!

However, I would say the Black Country accent is pretty low down the food chain in terms of perceived intellect and verbosity. But now that I’m living in the Lake District I have a whole new accent to get used to, and to be honest I do wonder if its even remotely connected to English!

Of course some regional accents are easier on the ears, and thus easier to understand than others. The Geordie accent is quite a fun accent to listen to, as is the Cornish/Devon accents. But then on the flip side you have the Manc/Scouse/Brummie/Cockney accents, along with the awful Essex/Estuary accents – none of which my ears can tolerate for more than a few minutes at a time.

The Wiltshire and Home Counties accents aren’t too bad either, but then again you have the Yorkshire accent, and all of a sudden you’re heading towards a timewarp and going back 100 years and visions of working down’t’pit!

But right now I have to get used to interpreting things like “scran”, “lal”, “eh?”, “twine”, “gaan” and “push iron” to name but a few!

Subtitles please!!!

Nominated by Technocunt