The election is finally out of the way. I am ecstatic by this, partly because it means Magic Grandpa is no longer the threat that he was, but mainly because I won a 400 quid bet with some mates that Boris would win by a majority. Admittedly though, I didn’t think it would be a landslide.

Labour lost the election, badly. Worse than Michael Foot. Do Corbyn and his crew, plus the many activists and supporters, now go away for a while, take a look at how they went wrong and come up with a way to fix it? (minus Magic Grandpa of course, who said he’ll stand down as leader…eventually). No, they do not. In fact, they don’t even think the humiliation they’ve suffered is even their fault. It’s OURS, the voters. Can you believe that?

Since last Friday, twitter and every other social media outlet has been bombarded with embittered lefty man and woman babies, angrily sobbing into their glasses of soy milk and sending out the most outrageous tweets et cetera, blaming the working class for kicking them right in the balls. You know the kind of thing. It’s the same shit they’ve been throwing at us since we voted to leave the EU, THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO. “Idiots”, “thick”, “scum”, “racists”, “fascists”, “nazis”, “bastards”, “fuckwits”, “sexists”, “misogynists”, you get the idea. Not to mention the protest, which I believe has already been covered. I saw one ugly, fat woman shouting, “FASCIST, FASCIST, FASCIST, FASCIST, BORIS IS NOT MY PM, FASCIST”, ad infinitum. Lots more in that vein. The one that, in my view sums up lefties perfectly though was a young woman talking to a reporter. Clearly upset that democracy had actually worked this time, in an a very posh accent she emotionally ranted, “Boris is NOT my Prime Minister. He was voted in by the working class. I hate the working class, the working class are disgusting”. Then, without any hint of irony, she said, “I hate Boris Johnson. I wish Boris nothing but the worst. I wish him a horrible death”. Here’s the best bit. She then said, “I want to work in the NHS. I want to be a doctor”.

Wait, what? YOU, someone who has just wished another person a horrible death, want to be a doctor? What happens if, as she undoubtedly will, encounter a patient who is working class? Will she refuse to treat them? Will rant at them for daring to exercise their democratic right to vote for which ever party THEY want to vote for, rather than the party that lefties expect us to vote for? How can this hypocritical bitch announce that she wants to an NHS doctor, paid by taxpayers (a large number of whom are working class) and then profess her hatred for the working class, before wishing a horrible death on another human being? I wouldn’t trust that salty cow to treat sewage, never mind people. The fact is, it isn’t, for the most part, people in the centre or the right, who commit violence. We don’t threaten or intimidate. Some of us have called lefties and their allies some pretty unpleasant names, but usually those names have been used against us.

It’s also a fact that WE are not the fascists, or the Nazis. That’s entirely the territory of the left.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

A nom please for David Attenborough. Now I’ve always respected the grand old duckie of the natural history world, but lately I’ve noticed his ever-increasing cuntitude for three reasons. In ascending order these are:

1) Every nature documentary now seems to feature a bombastic orchestral score, twice as loud as the commentary, which would be more at home as something Hans Zimmer would have scored for the climax of an ’80s action film where two 100,000-strong hordes of grizzled Viking warriors fight to the death at the gates of Valhalla; do we really need it when watching two inch-long beetles having the equivalent of a pissed-up slap-fight outside the club at 2am over the last piece of chubby worn-out beetle snatch?

2) The cuntish “making-of” bits added on at the end of every show to pad the running time. I don’t give a fuck how Jonty the cameraman suffered so while taking his £250,000 camera that we bought for him on an all-expenses paid jaunt to Africa on our dollar. These are the equivalent of DVD extras – difference being those are separate to the film, you know why Dave? Cos NO CUNT WATCHES THEM.

3) The ever-increasing preachiness. Every other line is “going extinct this, deforestation that, global warming the other”; it’s just one massive guilt trip aimed at the viewer, the agenda being you – white Westerner = BAD, indigenous dark keys who haven’t advanced past the Bronze age yet = GOOD. Tell you what, the day you sign over all your millions to one of these causes you can start lecturing me.

Nominated by Cuntan the Cuntarian

I listen to LBC (Nick Ferrari) most mornings and usually switch off before the aforementioned starts his diatribe. For some inexplicable reason this morning, I made a mistake and left the show on only to find that even after years of negative remarks from the populous, his ego has not yet been satiated,

His kick off topic today was the false reporting of an assault on a Matt Hancock aide by an activist. He spoke continually for just under half-an-hour, repeating his perspective over and over. When he did get a caller after the news, it took him all of ten seconds before he started to talk over him.

Won’t make the same mistake again.

Nominated by SpleenVenter

A frightfully important. young-lady-in-a-hurry cunting please for this woman, who proves how self-important and deluded MPs are from the day they are elected:

https://www.lbc.co.uk/radio/presenters/iain-dale/new-lib-dem-mp-daisy-cooper-party-leader/

This silly bitch was only elected four days ago, but has hinted to the media that she might stand as leader to replace tits and teeth, Jo Swinson. The one thing this cunt doesn’t lack is self-confidence.

Daisy, Daisy, give us your answer do – then fuck off.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs