CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
A posting on the 5g nom (07/04.) has me putting forth mine. Thus,…BIG SPECTACLES ON WIMMIN. YES BIG SPECTACLES ON WIMMIN !!!

Heres how it works: Before people started getting ill and dying from the chinky bat soup coup there were some wimmin on tv with big gregories. Now, folk are ill and dying,there are wimmin experts popping up everywhere on tv and to a man (so to speak) they all have BIG SPECS!! (This does not make them appear intelligent,it doesnt, just twattish)

The virus is spread down the tv wires from their spectacles and infection transmitted onwards to a 5g tower, thence on to the brutish british populace. The expert wimmin are of course immune due to the BIG SPEC saver immunity for wimminz .Now, it is being established that men are more likely to succumb and die from the flumanchu , specs or not!! Wimmins immunity see?

Further, how many rinky dinks have you seen wearing specs, big or otherwise. Damn few eh? eh? eh? They started this and got the worst of it initially. Should have gone to spec savers eh wot the dirty cunting fuckers.

What are your theories esteemed cuntmeisters?

Ps I have BIG SPECS and feel fine, but then again I am a cunt and pissed a lot of the time lately.

Nominated by the cunt of montybisto

In these trying times most of us have started online shopping in the hope of receiving a home delivery of much needed items.

I have left the logistics of this in the capable hands of MRS B as she has updated our delivery slot every night for the past two weeks.

I have left this in her hands due to our dietary differences, I am quite happy to chow down on hard tack and beer for months on end without a lettuce leaf in site.

Any way I must admit that i had been a little concerned when she started to mention the cost of said shop (almost 4 times our normal weekly shop) and I was getting a little nervous each time a Chinook flew close fearing that it may be our delivery.

Well I was not fucking wrong was I, like all of you I have a fridge freezer (not to be confused with a tardis) and when the knock on the door came even I was surprised at the volume of food piled up on the door step by the poor delivery bloke.

One of the first things to cross my mind was how the fuck are we going to store that lot, remember veg is low cost and high bulk and we could now very easily open our own street stall with the amount of veg we have should we want too.

The next problem was where to put the stuff, repurposing the hall way cupboard as a root veg cellar and piling dry goods on top of cupboards (at the same time examining some of the old stuff, Pineapple chunks, an impulse buy from a few years a go that have probably followed us through 3 house moves).

To be honest the flat looks like Del Trotter’s place I have no idea what to do.

Fuck on line shopping.

Nominated by Lord Benny

A cunting for this slippery, choirboy adoring, catholic clergyman.

This humble man of God, an advisor to the pope, has had his conviction for paedophilia overturned by High Court Australian judges.

A full bench of seven judges ruled unanimously in Cardinal Pell’s favour, finding the jury had not properly considered all the evidence presented at the trial.

Let’s ignore the evidence of the alleged victims, and the jury’s verdict because clearly everyone has been misled in this case, and only the judges can be right.

The funny hand shake consortium strikes again.

Nominated by Duke of Cuntshire

What a cunt this is. Thanks again, China. I’m scared of my own fucking skin now.

Yes, I find not touching my face almost impossible. I get ‘sleep’ (eye bogies) in my eyes. Proper crusty irritating ones. Especially when I wake up, but they can grow during the day. I get an itchy nose, cheek or forehead quite often. I’m not riddled with scabies I just get little itches.

Yes, thanks again China, I have to run away from my own fucking face now or wash my hands frantically every time I forget the ‘rules’ and scratch my conk. Does it affect your nob in the same way?

Asking for a friend.

Nominated by Cuntybollocks

May I please nominate that purile arse irritant Piers Morgan ! The Clown Gobshite know all about fuck all, who indulges his mouthwash each and every fucking morning on that horrific cunt of a programme watched by fucking wimmin!
Piers must be the ultimate hippocritical fifty faced twat, and it is that kind of cunt that I would like to take a bat to!

During the current crisis, this twat has bellowed enormous amounts of know all fuck all shite across our breakfast tables, and caused much annoyance to my pet budgie!

The sooner this goon gets a dose of something quite horrid the better, and his passage into history will mirror the passage of a mammoth turd en-route via the shit pipe to the sea!

Morgan, yer a cunt !

Nominated by Asimplearsehole

A lights-camera-action-where’s-Philip-Schofields-handbag?-duckie cunting please for man about the make-up mirror Morgan. At one time content to be a newspaper editor doctoring photographs to tie in with his view of things, these days the great man spends his time slagging off Alan Sugar and other minor TV stars, but today he has set his sights higher on politics:

Yes this flabby faced arsewipe wants a Conservative government to employ another flabby faced Labour arsewipe – the man who “put an end to boom and bust” and went over like the coward he was to tie us more firmly to the EU “after hours” when PM, to “help” the country. Broon meddling in government would be as advisable as having Jimmy Savile run a youth club.

Nominated by W.C.Boggs