OK when I commenced my misspent youth dodging up old motors (first was a ’55 Bentley S1 since you ask) and trying to control my hormones and my rampant old man the tools of choice were the King Dick range. Classic British Brum made and very expensive and the lead in to many Carry On type jokes. They even make podgers (look it up) hence my choice of title for this post.

The podger in question belongs to sad cunt Matt Barr, a short fat geezer with a short name and an enormous 12 inch poker. Sad because he does not get to do much poking. In short fillies do not like it, they run a mile on sight. Reputed to be the biggest cock in Blighty – unless Cunters know otherwise. Cunters send your dickpicks to Admin for verification but do remember she frightens easily.

Mr Barr tends to get treated as a Freak Show and naughty fillies try to trick him on to TV Reality Shows and exploit him in a non-pleasurable Elephant Man fashion. I had a mate with an enormous plonker and he made a fair few pornos which as any Cunter who has appeared in one (Thomas the Tank Engine?) will confirm are bloody boring to be in, usually with a load of jaded lezzers and frantic studs who can’t get it up on time for the 20th take on camera (Christ call the stand in!). Good money while the stiffy lasts.

Problem with an exaggerated appendage is one tends to wear ones underpants out from the inside. That and the social embarrassment if you take my meaning. “Is that a Magnum in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?” The Dirty Harry variety that is, not the overpriced and shrinkflating ice cream on a stick.

Dring! Dring! – Mr Barr a call for you from Larry Flynt and Bang Bros Productions.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13339927/Man-Britains-largest-penis-reveals-downsides-getting-thrown-yoga-assumed-aroused-used-date-wanted-OnlyFans.html

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Nominated by Sir Limpy Stroke.

1/2 — Fucking Around With Chocolate Bar Flavours (Flavors, US)

I love Daim bars, me.

But the other day I was offered a `limited edition, Orange` Daim …
DiscountDragon

Of course, it was utterly disgusting, as expected.
Why do they do this?
After a few weeks it will be gone.
You would think they would learn by their mistakes – they`ve tried many a different flavour over the years, but none have even come close to matching the majesty of the original brittle almond-sharded original encased within its reasonably generous chocolate carapace.
Fucking pointless.

Is nothing sacred? The thoughtless cunts`ll be bringing out Strawberry fucking Aeros next. Oh, they just have …

The Sun

Perhaps YOU can think of a bar of gorgeousness which they`ve ruined and share your disgust for it with us?

*******

2/2 — Discontinuing Chocolate Bars

I used to love Topics, me.

But guess what, a short while back they stopped making them – no fucking explanation …

The Sun

Fucking twats.
Now I have to hand-craft an approximation to them from scratch by simultaneously shovelling raw hazelnuts and Milky Ways into my gob whilst masticating furiously to combine the ingredients `in ore meo`.

When will this lunacy end?

Perhaps YOU can think of a much-missed now deceased bar of gorgeousness and share your disgust and longing with us?

Nominated by: Sam Beau

Erik Ten Hag is a whopping great cunt!

The Manchester United manager has – as usual – refused to accept any blame or admit that anything is wrong.

He has said that the negative reaction to United’s narrow win against Coventry City in the FA Cup semi final as “embarrassing” and “a disgrace”,

Wrong, you hills have eyes cunt. Manchester United throwing away a three goal lead against a Division 2 side in an FA Cup semi final is what is embarrassing and a disgrace. Coventry have nothing to be ashamed of, they played their bollocks off. But United were and are a laughing stock.

In all my time as match going red, I have never seen such a spineless, lazy, heap of shite.

Brian Greenhoff (RIP) said in 1980 about Dave Sexton ‘This man is not fit to manage Manchester United.’

He was right. But God knows what he would think of this current cunt.
Ten Hag makes Sexton look like Cesar Luis Menotti.

And all I have left to say is this…
Fuck off Nostferatu.

BBC News

Nominated by: Norman

(Unrelated pic to the article, but get the gist – Day Admin)

I found myself losing the direction of my moral compass when I read about the 23 year old teaching assistant convicted of having a bit of how’s your father with a 14 year old student.

Based on the pictures in the article below I was prepared to maintain my condemnation of the carpet kissing groomers at the same time as reckoning that 14 year old me would have been quite chuffed with a Mrs Robinson pouncing on me as depicted in this article:

GBNews

However, my natural curiosity took over, and a little more digging revealed the unvarnished truth:

The Sun

A good deal of scrubbing with bleach later I still feel conned and defiled – do I have a case against her, can I get compensation?

Nominated by: Balsamic Dave

Pussy Past It?
Sloppy Snatch?
Manky Minge?
Cunt Can’t anymore?
Mummy Makeover?

If yes to any of these questions then The old Lady Garden may be in need of a bit of a lop and crop. The Old Man getting lost in an overgrown thicket of meat and slime? Love’s Last Dream foundering in a whiff of rancid fish and cheesy feet? Dyna-Rod can’t shift it? Then time to call in the Ear Nose and Cunt Brigade AKA the Cosmetic Cunters. Forget those so last year Boob Lifts, Rhinoplasties and Blepharoplasty (tits, conks and eye bags).

Get on trend My Dears, The topic of choice in fashionable circles and so easy to spot – just keep an eye out for the Duck Walk in the salon and on the dance floor. Go for a two for one eco friendly deal where the buckets of hacked out fem fat and gristle (no keep the gristle Doc, that makes for a challenging penetrating experience for the seasoned cocksman) are recycled into extensions and fillers for the Old Man’s Old Man.

Should you encourage (note I did not say Pay For) the old MemSahib to have a bit of internal plumbing and decorating to feel sixteen again? Note I did not say twelve again Mr Edwards and Mr Glitter (allegations and legal niceties acknowledged). If you go for the two for one deal be advised, normal service may not be resumed for at least three months. Delicate areas my dears.

Cost always a consideration but a DIY solution is possible. Any Cunter who can use a lathe and recon a motor ie resurface valve seats and rebore a cylinder and crankshaft is in with a chance. “Ali’s Vaginal Rebores”. Rent a lockup in a railway arch and away you go. It’s an income stream.

Daily Mail

(Parental supervision advised)

Manhattan Centre Surgery

(Cunters please note. The spoilsports will now not allow a direct link to the meat pics. Follow the link as posted, click on Before and After tab at the top, confirm you are an adult by clicking on the pop-up flash and you are in – as the actress said to the bishop.)

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke