Woke up this morning at 3am, rushed in panic to the bog where my sphincter absolutely exploded. However, the contents of my stomach also exploded out of my mouth at the same time, covering my pants, tshirt, toilet floor, hallway carpet and walls with pre digested spaghetti bolognese.

Spent 45 fucking minutes clearing that shit up, only for me to projectile vomit again (in the toilet this time) whilst simultaneously filling my recently changed boxers up with shit.

This has been followed with me sitting on the bog, arse leaking like a boarding house tap, while I continue to heave up the lining of my stomach.

The norovirus truly is a cunt.

I nominate the British Police ‘Service’.

On the continent our Gallic cousins pull all the stops out to catch muslim nutter of the month Mohamed Merah and within a few days corner and then quite rightly shoot the cunt dead, saving themselves the expense of a long winded trial and the cost of incarcerating the bacon dodging twat for life.

Meanwhile back in good old Blighty, 5 overweight bobbies completely fuck up the routine arrest of a scumbag product of Blair’s Britain and allow themselves to be gnawed on by a small dog!

All the time being filmed on someone’s mobile phone. Useless pen pushing, desk jockeying, red tape tying but nick you for doing 31 in 30 zone CUNTS!!!