Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

The Daily Mail (2)

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It’s September so it’s time to slag off schools who try to enforce uniform rules. Most of the “stories” in the Mail are basically chavvy parents complaining about their precious offspring being forced to obey the same rules as everyone else. I admit that some headteachers can be a bit overzealous but in school the rules are the fucking rules.

The Daily Mail has certain stories it runs at certain times of the year but slagging off schools and teachers is one of their favourites. If there isn’t a way to slag off teachers then run a picture of Diana fucking Spencer. In August, the Mail always runs a story about how exams are too easy and it would better to bring back 1950s-style O-Levels. I predict in late October the Mail will go with tales about health and safety twats stopping a bonfire on Guy Fawkes’ Night and in the run up to Xmas, they will have stories about fuckwitted councils banning trees to avoid upsetting the peacefuls.

I know teachers are not popular with some folks here – mostly because some member of staff gave them a hard time in 1975 (hint: get over it snowflake). But 90%+ of school staff are not the Marxist ideologues of Paul Dacre’s fevered imagination but decent people trying to do a job with little help from the government, the gutter press or fuckwitted parents. The average conversation in a school staffroom is not about how to force your son to wear a fucking dress but about how a couple of little bastards in a class of thirty fucked up a lesson you had spent ages planning.

And remember, 90%+ of kids are well-behaved and do the right thing. It’s just that children are like farts – other people’s disgust you but you quite like your own.

Nominated by Cunt’s Mate Cunt

Noel Gallagher (2)

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Noel Gallagher is (still) a cunt… The Bluenose fanny played his ‘Imagine’ rip-off ‘Don’t Look Crap In Anger’ and then old unibrow said, “It’s become some sort of anthem for defiance… And every time you sing, we win….”

So, that’s how we beat the Dago Armarda, Napoleon, the Krauts (first time), the Nazis (second time), the Japs, the Argies, and the IRA. is it?…. Also, what about the people who died at the hands of some psychotic sandnigga at the Arena and their families? Did they ‘win’?! Fuck off, you cunt!

Nominated by Norman

Don’t look back in anger ? To fucking right I will. Children blown to bits and we are told not to get angry. Fuck right off you coked up wanker!

Nominated by Vermin Cunt Spotter

Good ol’ Noel. Never miss out on a spot of griefjacking to resurrect his ailing career.

Mind you, if my guitar playing was as bad as his then I’d be reduced to tears too. Perhaps we can get him to do a concert in Mosul. That’ll teach ISIS not to mess with the Gallaghers…

Nominated by Keef

Proms in the Park

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BBC deserve a double cunting. Proms in the park is held in London, Wales, Scotland and Ireland concurrently with the last night at the Albert Hall. The second half from the Albert is beamed live to all 4 parks. When it came to the end, Rule Brittana, Jerusalem and Land of Hope and Glory they stopped the feed to Scotland and Wales through fear of upsetting the SNP and CLyde Cumri cunts! Fucking BBC. Who gives a fuck as to whether we upset Scotch and Welsh independent cunts. I’m sure there were decent people in Scotland and Wales who wanted to sing along.

Nominated by Cunts and Roses

Jesus h fucking Christ on a bicycle! The BBC politically correct wankers are airbrushing history and tradition from last night of the proms. No Land of Hope and Glory in Wales or Scotland.

That’s fucking appalling. It’s traditional FFS and the Scots and Taffs have never been upset before! Just take look at the flags in the picture. I can spot a Welsh, Norweigan, Japanese. They don’t seem to be particularly upset!

That are some fucking total absolute cunts running this country these days and not just at the beeb. If Compo ever gets into number 10 we’ll be ending the proms with The Red Flag.

I fucking honestly and truly despair just how bloody stupid people can be…!

Nominated by Dioclese

Posted in BBC

Jennifer Lawrence (2)

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Now we all know that Yanks are thick cunts and that Yank celebs are the thickest of the lot, but Jennifer Lawrence has taken thick Yank celebrity cuntitude to a whole new level by announcing that the devastating hurricanes in Texas and approaching Florida were signs of “Mother Nature’s rage and wrath” at America for electing Donald Trump and not believing in man-made climate change.

Now I know cunts like this will blame any and everything on Trump but just how fucking dim do you have to be to blame the weather on him?

Go back to flashing your tits in second rate movies darling and leave reality to the grown ups.

Nominated by Dioclese

A shitty fling – flinging shit.

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Liam Smith, a Bristol student (groan) went on a first date with some unnamed bird he met on Tinder. They went to Nando’s for a meal and back to his gaff to watch a scientology documentary. Nando’s and scientology in one night – an interesting pulling technique.

After the ‘top notch’, no expense spared, peri peri chicken fired up her ringpiece, she needed a dump or maybe it was after watching Tom Cruise talking about some scientology shite. Anyway, after she had laid a log, she discovered it wouldn’t flush. Instead of dealing with a floater in the normal way, by drowning the shitstick with loo roll, she instead ‘claimed’ that she panicked and fished it out of the bowl, launching it out of the bathroom window.

First and foremost, what the fuck? Clearly a classy bird, lobbing a turd out of a window, in someone else’s home. Secondly, she didn’t check the window’s orientation, so it actually got trapped in a dead space 18 inches wide looking onto another window.

At that point she had to come clean about her dirty tale and tell Liam what she had done. After investigating, he thought about breaking the window but instead she – who is an amateur gymnast – decided to lean, head first, out of the fanlight window to reach it. Well, it didn’t work and she got wedged between the two windows – a VERY amateur gymnast. So Liam called the fire brigade who after pissing themselves laughing broke the glass to rescue her.

The cost of the replacement window was £300 and he said that is a large part of his monthly budget and he couldn’t afford it. So like any ‘normal person would do’  he set up a crowd funding page explaining the whole sorry saga. Shameless or what?….who the fuck puts their digits to the keyboard advertising this sad night out?

What’s even madder is that his front paid off, since the jammy fucker raised over £2000 in ONE day, well over the 300 quid target.

It seems the pair may also continue to see each other. He must like a ‘dirty scat-ty’ sort, so perhaps next time she will just squat over him and shit on his chest or the glass coffee table The kinky pair!

Anyway, I couldn’t really decide who were the bigger cunts in this story:  Liam or the female ‘shit-putter’ or the mugs who paid for his window. So I put it down to dumb-arsed students in general.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.