I would like to nominate John Cleese for a cunting. It saddens me to have to do this, because like a lot of people, I’m a big fan of Monty Python. However, it seems that age has turned a once funny man, into a petulant little twat. Prior to the vote on the amendment to the Data Protection Bill, Cleese tweeted that if the vote was lost, and the free press not shackled (he didn’t use those exact words), he would quit the UK, because he didn’t want to live in an England where “people live in fear of the Daily Mail”. Aww diddums. The fact is, the only people who really have anything to fear, from the Daily Mail or any other newspaper, are those who are doing something they shouldn’t. To grandly announce that you’ll quit the UK if the press isn’t subjected to ludicrously tighter controls, is a sure sign that you’re a cunt.

It remains to be seen whether Cleese will make good on his promise. Personally, I think he’ll do the same thing that all those US celebrities did, after threatening to leave the US if Donald Trump was elected President, nothing. Naturally, now the amendment has been voted out, people are starting to take the piss out of Cleese. And I’m afraid the only way he can avoid looking like the cunt he is, is to make good on his threat and fuck off. I suggest you try China, John, they hate the press over their. And Tai Chi is very good for people your age.

On a lighter note, I’m currently enjoying a glass of whiskey and a cigar, the thought of press hating cunts like Gary Lineker, Hugh Grant, Steve Coogan, Tom Watson, Ed Miliband, Max Moseley, etc, all frothing at the mouth because they have once again failed to have Sovietesque restraints placed on the press. Long may it continue. Incidentally, I forgot to add this in my Tom Watson/Ed Miliband nomination, but prior to the vote, Miliband disingenuously claimed in an interview that journalists had posed as medical staff in order to get information after the Manchester Arena attack. These allegations were investigated a while ago, and not a shred of evidence was found to support them. So fuck you Ed, you donkey toothed cunt.

Nominated by, Quick Draw McGraw

Well it’s finally happened, you can’t have women in bikinis in a beauty contest because it objectifies them. Can you fucking well believe the hypocrisy?

We all know where this is headed, next year it will be the hijab and the year after it will be the full yashmak.

Then we”ll get the blubbermensch,the trannies and the disfigured and before too long you’ll have the ultimate inclusive pageant.

That brings up the old joke :
Question : Did you see who won the “Miss Serbia” beauty contest last night?
Answer: Nobody, there wasn’t even a runner up

Nominated by Paul Ya Plonker

Tourists

Not every tourist is a cunt. When I go on holiday, I’m a bloody tourist. Whether the locals think I’m a cunt is up to them; I’m not too bothered. I go on holiday to sit on a beach with the hope of looking like a sun-dried tomato when I return home. I don’t go on holiday to make people’s lives a misery with my obnoxious behaviour, oversized backpack and wank selfie stick. However, as I mentioned before, not all tourists are cunts; just a vast majority of them.

First of all we have the boozy Brit cunts. I’m ashamed to be from the same island as these fuckers. A mix of obese beer-bellied arses, randy used-up old slappers and arrogant jacked-up Danny Dyer wannabe pricks. All from rough council estates and on benefits. The locals must despair of them.

Then we have the stereotypical Yank tossers with their straw hats, binoculars round their necks, distasteful Hawaiian shirts, cargo shorts and not forgetting the socks with sandals combo. A whole gang of them clustered round Leicester Square or outside Fuckingham Palace. Huge Canon cameras and oversized maps to hand, obviously.

The worst of all are the fucking Chinks and Jap bastards. Endless groups of them and they are fucking everywhere. Taking pictures of everything from a pavement pizza outside the local pub to a homeless bloke who’s just overdosed on smack and is mid-seizure. This country is plagued with foreigners. Everywhere you look there is at least one. Sometimes I go out thinking I’m in a different country altogether. Fuck off.

Nominated by, Jayniño

It’s time for snowflakes to receive another cunting, they’ve earned it.

It’s emerged Oxford University has removed a photograph of Theresa May from the wall of women at her old geography department, after whingeing prick snowflakes protested about her creating a ‘hostile environment policy’ while at the Home office. They complained that she was a ‘contentious figure in a department with many EU citizens and de-colonial scholars’. Well boo-fucking-hoo. While the photo was initially removed, it seems that someone at Oxford has at least some common sense, and it’s being reported that the photo is now back on the wall. For how long remains to be seen. Still, it’s a small victory for sanity.

It’s bad enough that these little shits complain about the most trivial things, but what really makes me angry, is that the University authorities, councils, schools, in all publicly funded organisations give in to their dickery. What they should be doing is telling them, in the words of Samuel L Jackson; “Welcome to the real world motherfuckers. People have opinions that differ from yours. Learn the fuck to live it, because that will never change. Nobody gives a fuck if you’re offended. Nobody gives a fuck if a differing opinion upsets you or makes you tremble in fear. We would be living in a motherfucking shithole if everyone thought like you pussies”.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Paul (Wank) Staines, aka Guido Fawkes deserves a cunting. This fat cunt often criticises those on the political left for name calling and insulting those on the right. Today, (Tuesday 29th May), he went into hypocrite mode by calling Tommy Robinson’s supporters “knuckledraggers”. Now I’m a big boy, so name calling isn’t something I get overly upset about. But I do get quite annoyed by hypocrisy. By insulting people who are using their human right to protest at the ridiculously harsh sentencing of a man exercising HIS right to freedom of speech, Staines has given up his right to criticise others for their insults.

The Guido Fawkes blog used to be a reasonably interesting read. Over the year or so though, Staines seems to have disappeared up his arse, believing that he’s more important than he actually is. Even more recently, he’s taken to turn off the comments on certain posts. And he’s even started deleting perfectly reasonable (to those of us who still have a fully functioning sense of perspective) comments. And this is someone who criticises politicians for trying to suppress freedom of speech.

Paul Staines, you are a cunt.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw