I’m cunting the Cunt that Ubered me last night and couldn’t speak English. I was desperate for a piece of cake, some ice-cream and a bottle of booze. So I get an Uber down to Safeway as I’m old enough to know when I shouldn’t be driving.

I’d had three beers. At this stage, let others do the driving for me.
This cunt pulls up in a twenty year old Honda. Yammers all the way in down in pidgin to the Supermarket and then he fucking bails on me outside the trolley park. I told him I’d give him a tip if he waited and he drives the fuck off.

Guess which country he was from?
Afghanistan,
The cunt.

Nominated by CaliAngel

A cunting please for the people who have misappropriated the rainbow and fine English words.

I wrote recently about a visit to a local hospital, there was a rainbow flag flying from the flagpole, which I found annoying. What’s wrong with the English flag or the Union Jack ?

Yesterday I was stood in the queue at the local branch of Santander, idly watching the information screen whilst awaiting my turn, when lo and behold !! a rainbow appears on screen with the words “Santander supports Pride “. This really fucks me off. Deviants are taking over words and symbols for their own sick ends. There’s nothing nicer in nature than a rainbow, saw one the other day, marvellous, but now it’s been taken and used as a symbol for bumfuckery.

It’s the same with words, take the word gay, years ago, if you said you’d had a gay time there was nothing sleazy about it, it just meant that you’d had a great time at a picnic or a party etc. now, people take it to mean that you’ve been indulging in aforementioned bumfuckery, the result is a perfectly good word stolen. The same thing is happening to the word “pride “,a fine word, but again, one that is being stolen by the homosexuals for their own use. Where’s the fucking pride in having a bloke up your arse ?

So fuck off you homosexual cunts and use proper words and symbols for your practices.

Nominated by Jack the Cunter

With the changing of the seasons comes the latest incarnation shitshow, one of the founding members of the accursed reality TV movement. Like some kind of hideous fucking zombie, almost light years past its sell-by date, this abomination keeps being resurrected to cater for the absolute detritis of society. Avid viewers and cuntestants alike are amongst the most extreme examples of look-at-me fame-hungry shitcunts you will ever see.

The accompanying post-goatfuck analysis show (BB/CBBotS) is fronted by ubiquitous shirtlifter celebrity-worshipper in-chief, Rylan ‘2 by 4 Veneers’ Clark-Neal, who as a fame whore and former winner, neatly encapsulates the utterly appalling vacuity and superficial idiocy which has gripped the West in a seemingly never-ending radioactive cunt-fallout, caused by the colliding nuclear warheads of both Reality TV and Social Media. The resulting barren, post-apocalyptic cunt landscape is now filled with people who believe they are 24/7 on some personal audition for Big fucking Brother.

Only Channel 5 could so enthusiastically get behind a played-out, asanine bag of fermenting excrement such as this. Even amongst the infinite, nightmarish expanse of such bollocks television, BB/CBB stands out as being probably the most cancerously vapid example. And all this without even mentioning the fucking monumental wankstain who has spent the last 18 years embelishing his Geordie accent on the programme’s voiceovers.

One of my all time fantasies involves a BB ‘challenge’ where a Siberian Tiger, suffering from both malnutrition and advanced stages of Rabies, is let loose in the house to gorge, maul and maim the fucking simpletons inside. Perchance to fucking dream, friends…

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

It’s a sunny day. You’re maybe driving along, enjoying the scenery, or relaxing in the the garden with a glass of wine. The radio’s playing, helping to set the mood. Then suddenly, IT comes on, AGAIN.

‘Is this the real life, is this just fantasy…’ Click!!
‘Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away…’ Click!!
‘And now, the end is near, and so I face…’ Click!!

Yes, it’s another of those songs that just gets played, recycled, re-recorded by everybody under the fucking sun and re-played endlessly, forever, until yet another airing makes your ears bleed. There are categories and sub categories of the genre eg

Childrens’ songs; ‘grandad, grandad, we love you…’
Novelty songs; ‘wopam gangnam style…’
(and of course) Xmas songs; ‘can you stop the cunting cavalry ya ta ta ta ta ta…’
Jonah Louie deserves a special cunting all on his own for inflicting this steaming horse shite on us every December.

Well I could go cunting on and on and on here, but I think you get the idea without further ado. Please could the powers-that-be throw every copy of such muck into the nearest landfill and bury it under a pile of crap immediately so that mankind is spared further exposure to this pestilence.

Nominated by Ron Knee