Arwa Mahdawi is misandrist racist cunt.
This Guardianista twat reckons that the secret of eternal youth is “being a privelidged white man” because that excuses you behaving any way you like, although one quick read through this load of shit would seem to suggest that the secret to behaving anyway you like is to be an Asian woman writing for the fucking Grauniad.
Nominated by Pedantic Cunt
Ok, not the biggest cunt on the planet, but I’m nominating Alexa, that presumptuous piece of voice activated techno-junk marketed by Amazon. Apart from the terminally bedridden and cunts like Stephen Hawking, I cannot see how this snowflake piece of shit can benefit anyone, apart from the usual suspects, the lazy, the stupid and the tax dodging manufacturer… Whatever next, self driving cars? Oh yeah.
With Alexa installed in your home you’ll never again have to move more than 6 inches in any one direction in any one day, which means if you’re not already a stinking Cyril Smith sized diabetic charge on the public purse, you bloody well soon will be.
Btw, did you know, drugs for diabetes cost the taxpayer around £3million a day – that’s a £billion squid a fucking year – almost 10% what we piss down the EU shitter, year in year out, NET!
However, you won’t glean any of that from the smug adverts (almost as vomit inducing as John Lewis’). Not one obese cunt or health warning in sight, just nice ‘normal’ Remaineresque famblies who can’t even be bothered to turn the bleeding lights on and off. And then there’s that condescending voice, about as user friendly as Chris de Burgh singing Lady In Red, cunt.
Which reminds me. A couple of weeks ago the wife and I were obliged to attend yet another irksome family funeral. At the reception afterwards I was assailed by a cousin down from Scunthorpe (mum’s home town – dad used to joke how he’d “took the ‘cunt’ out of Scunthorpe, ha-ha”). To the accompaniment of Lady In Frigging Red on a loop tape (Christ sake!), said cousin proceeded to traumatise me further by droning on and on and on about the tiresome Alexa thing wired up in his gaff 175 blissful miles away.
I’d normally have Spring Heel Jacked it over the back wall within 5 seconds of the cunt opening his noodle shute – or possibly enquire as to whether the gadget actually did anything life enhancing… like pull you off, or punch distant relatives very hard in the face!
But sadly those options weren’t on the menu cos the wife was glaring daggers so I had to default to plastic robot ‘best behaviour’ mode, and oh fuck, what if the cunt is reading this? Cos there’s some proper hard bastards on my mum’s side of the family.
“Alexa – please confirm Mr Creampuff’s Dignitas appointment – the Cunters have suffered his guff e-fucking-nuff!”
ALEXA: “Appointment confirmed.”
nominated by, ruff tuff creampuff
I always find a good cunting hard to pen, I find myself going off topic, overlapping and opening new horizons.
Well generation snowflake is a hot topic, I lay the blame squarely on those of you who have reproduced and can take no blame because I never have nor do I intend to.
So back a couple of month ago I and my Girlfriend undertook on a mission to rescue her off spring from homelessness and financial ruin, extracting him from digs where he was three months in arrears and a course that he had unbeknown to us had not attended for some time in the belief with his working ethic he would be snapped up by an employer and be able to pay his way (something he assured us he had been trying to the best of his ability)
Well reality strikes, after 3 months of fridge pillaging, shitting up the bathroom and general uncooperativeness, he has come up with a cracking idea…..he is not going to pay rent anymore but rent a room in his uni town with some friends in the hope of getting a job there (rewind to earlier in the year) mummy agreed to this insanity, I tactfully shut my mouth.
Well last night was the finale, I normally cook for the “child” but he offered too cook, taken aback I sat and waited for the feast to appear, at 20hrs I gave up and went down the chip shop and fed myself, after said feast I mistakenly opened his bedroom door looked at the filth strewn surroundings that he was wallowing in, the dirty plates, crumpled bedding, all kinds of food wrapper, discarded cups and bottles and I thought about his outspoken stand on global poverty and “old people”
So here my non son I will explain “global poverty and disease are normally caused by ignorance, you are poor because you can’t be fucked to apply yourself in the workplace, you buy shit that wont last 5 minuets and do not save, you like to draw my attention to the diseased starving in other countries, yet you fail to notice we are preparing to fight off a massive rat/cockroach infestation caused by your poor hygiene and possible ecoli outbreak when you mistakenly “snack on” some of your leftovers” and yes “Old People” are cunts because we try to hold you on the straight and narrow, be thankful your mother still puts out, because you my non son need a good slap round the head and a shake to liven up your brain cells, You truly are an ungrateful little cunt.
Bring back National service, so that they may be torn from there mothers breast and learn to fend for themselves and wash.
Nominated by lord benny
I would like to cunt The Donald’s air strikes.
Where is the rest of it?
In an age where he could just about steer a tomahawk into the front door of Bashars shit hole in Damascus, the launch of not less than 107 took out a few empty buildings.
And what has Treeza and Macaroon done to cause any pain?
I’m sure Vlad and Basha are really feeling that heat from this one,
Nominated by King cunt
Patrick Stewart is a bit of a cunt, isn’t he?
This griping turd with his permanent bell-end head has been stirring up support to attack democracy and have a second referendum.
Stewart is best known for playing a grumpy, pompous, aloof cunt in Star Trek: Next Generation. Nonetheless, he’s starred in plenty of other crap: He was a grumpy, pompous, aloof cunt in a Dickens stage show; a grumpy, pompous, aloof cripple in a sci-fi franchise; a grumpy, pompous, aloof cunt in the terminally wretched Waiting For Godot; who could forget his grumpy, pompous, aloof King Lear. More like King Cunt.
Despite living in Brooklyn, this opinionated prick wants to lecture British people about how wrong they were to vote for independence. This puts him in the same boat as Connery, Branson, Rod Fucking Steward and every other shit-eating, gold-toothed rat who emigrates but still wants to spout their condescending vomit to the ill-educated, little people back home.
Stewart recently married his girlfriend who’s 38 years younger than him. I’m sure, I’m absolutely sure, nay absolutely positive she married him because of his dazzling, wit, his shining patriotism and his dazzling, shiny bell-end head.
Fuck off Stewart, you lecherous, hypocritical one-trick pony. You’ve made a career out of your cantankerous, threadbare talent and you’re now letting it infest your politics. You’re 77 years old. The Grim Reaper isn’t too far away and if death is near I’d say, “Make it so.”
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
I never had much time for this smug bald bastard, but I especially disliked him after seeing that cringefest a few years back where he and that fat unfunny fuck James Corden made complete and utter cunts of themselves arguing like little bitches at some two bit award ceremony.
Now here he is, proudly showing off his complete and utter contempt for us plebs, and not giving one single fuck in the process. Especially made me laugh where he claimed Brexit was “fed by disinformation, untruths and outright lies,” as opposed to all other elections eh?
Went on to further demonstrate his complete detachment from reality by describing remainers as “having at heart the needs of everyone, not just an elitist few.” This coming from a group of people that flat out refuse to accept a democratically elected result.
Nominated by McBastard