Dead Pool [40]

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Congratulations to Rebel Without a Cunt! who scores a hole in one by correctly forecasting the demise of golfing legend Arnold Palmer. Never saw that coming…..fore!!!!

So we wipe the slate and move on to Dead Pool 40…

A reminder of the rules (especially the first one):

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices.
List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Comments not in this post (e.g. in the previous one or other posts) will be ignored. Please wait for the reset when a pool is won and we move on. That way, we all know where we are!

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

3. It helps admin if you nominate one name per line, no numbers in front or comments afterwards. Comment what you like after your five names! A request – not a hard and fast rule – but it speeds up the list making if we can do a straight cut and paste to a spreadsheet.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

And just to make sure I get in first, here’s the Dioclese famous five :
Herman Wouk, Kirk Douglas, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Olivia de Havilland, Billy Graham

So nominations are now open. Off you go and good luck

Emily Thornberry

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Emily Thornberry needs cunting.

Who is she? Well she’s shadow foreign secretary, well according to her Dermot Murnaghan is ‘sexist’ because he asked her to name her French counterpart. Why sexism you may ask? Well she couldn’t answer the question so like many women cry ‘sexism’ to hide her ignorance.

How the fuck is it sexist to ask her to name someone she may have to discuss things with if Labour ever got back into government.

Nominated by: Chris Horner

Labour’s shadow foreign minister Emily Thornberry is a cunt.

She was on Sky and accused the presenter of being sexist for asking her to name the French foreign minister or the South Korean president. Needless to say she knew neither.

But far from being ashamed of her own incompetance she sees this a a sexist attack because, you know, vagina. CUNT.

Nominated by: Skidmark Eggfart

Plastic Fivers

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Was in me local hostelry (The Woolpack name origins unknown as this has never been sheep country) t’other night where the buxom barmaid slipped me me change. Sensation orf a used condom in me palm. Assured Yours Truly this sticky sweaty note was new and legal tender. Usual badinage orf “Where you been keeping your change now love. Up your fanny. In your cash drawers?” ect ect. Then one orf the old perverts at the bar who usually drinks at The Poofpack (no mystery there) took his teeth oit and starting sucking it. Simple country ways.

Larst time anything so slimy, boneless and mollusc like crorsed me palm like that it was a sincere handclasp from a Tory minister – Cecil Parkinson, Michael Howard and most recently the perspiring lardy pinkies orf David Cameron. I shudder at the recollection. Time was when our currency said all that was needed aboit the nation. In me day we had lovely large white fivers which said “I am two weeks wages to you, cunt. You’ll never own me.” Large heavy coppers with the heads orf the Monarch minted to last. A pocket full might have Victoria with a bun (the bun penny), old cow Vicky, Edwards, Georges, Elizabeth. Proper British currency pre EU. Her/His Brittanic Majesty orn the notes. Currency orf The Realm. Our pride and the envy orf johnnie foreigner.

We have just fucked orf oit orf the EU shower so why chose now to introduce notes that look like half price vouchers for Euro Disney?

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Was going to cunt the new plastic fivers meself, but realised that it’s not the notes that need cunting but the cunts who collect the cunts!

Seems that if you’ve got one of the first notes starting with AA01 serial numbers and have a few with consecutive numbers, some daft cunts will pay loads of dosh for them! Fuck me with a broomstick! Some daft bugger paid £460 on eBay last week for three £5 notes.

Nearly as fucking stupid as £800 for an iPhone7 or £300 for an Apple iWatch. Nearly.

But not quite.

Fucking hell – some silly bastard will vote for Jeremy Corbyn next! Oh, fuck! They did!

Clearly I’m missing something…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Corbynistas

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And these so-called ‘Corbynistas….’

Notice they’re mostly Asian or Diane Abbott look-alikes (one is enough!)…

Is it yet more PC gone mad, or are they the only sort of mingers that Corbyn can attract to his bandwagon?…

Either way, they are all cunts…

Nominated by: Norman

Paul McCartney [5]

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Paul McCartney is a cunt…

When asked about The Beatles ‘Get Back’ single and it’s eventually omitted verses about ‘Pakistanis taking all the people’s jobs’ and ‘ten Pakistanis living in a council flat’ Macca said it was a pisstake of ‘nasty’ Enoch Powell and more recently he called Powell a ‘nutter’…

Well of course Macca can afford to be racially tolerant, as he will never have to live anywhere near places like Luton, Rochdale or Bradford… Also he denounces Powell and calls him a nutter, yet he works with that insane racist cunt, Kanye West and thinks it’s ‘cool’ that West uses the word ‘Nigger’ every 30 seconds… But of course Paulie says it as ‘The ‘N’ Word’…

He makes out it’s great but he won’t actually say it, will he? What a knob… No wonder George couldn’t stand the cunt…

Nominated by: Norman