The second coming

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Jesus will never come back here to sort shit out. Think of it from his point of view:

Yo dad! I ain’t going back there, no fucking way man! They’re still carrying those fucking cross things around just on the off chance I do turn up and they’re ready to string me up again dude! No way! Anyway I was having a chat with Mohammed next door and they’re busting to the rafters with these virgins. Everyone of them male, between 18 and 24, all gunshot victims, totally sad dude! Hey when a new one arrives you can hear the rest say “Doh! Another man!”, yeah like fucking “Doh!” man like that Homer Simpson dude! Anyway he was wondering if we can take a few of them off his hands cos…….er….no, he’s already had a word with Satan but he doesn’t want the cunts either man!

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

Richard Herring

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Richard Herring is a cunt

Any self-proclaimed comedian who has to start a Kickstarter to fund his comedy is a cunt, an unfunny, fat, rapey, syphilis carrying cunt.

The only thing funny about Herring is his obvious jealousy of Stewart Lee’s rise to mainstream fame while Herring is forced to beg for money to fund him.

Pathetic, sad, fat wanker!

“Would you rather have a hand made of ham or a tit that dispensed talcum powder” – Fucking comedic gold from Herring, why is this genius not on TV and playing to 25,000 people at the O2?

Nominated by: Boaby

Modern Western Life

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What the fuck happened?
Even as recently as the 90’s life was pretty cool and fun.

Enter cultural Marxism, under the guise of political correctness.
It went like a targeted virus into every corner of life.
The under 30’s now are so brainwashed by it that within 30 years, well, I’m just glad I’ll be on the way out.

It’s been the total assassination of every element of common sense.
The promotion and favouritism by the establishment of any and all minorities.

We can’t say no to illegal immigrants for fear of causing offence.
Gays have more rights under marriage than “normal” people do.
Toddlers being encouraged to ask for a sex change.
The harder you work, the more penalised you get.
The bigger waste of space you are, the more you are offered.
Coppers in line to be recruited with face tattoos and drug convictions.

Everything that was a pinned on bad idea 30 years ago is being touted as the way to go.

The road to ruin is dressed up as the yellow brick road.

The two party system in this country means it makes no difference who you vote for as they are both onboard.
Anyone who suggests an alternative is destroyed by the media and establishment as islamophobia, homophobic, racist, sexist, their life and family are threatened and their life is promptly destroyed.

Brexit was a punch in the guts to this ideology.
Gotta stamp on the cunts head while it’s still on the ground.

Trouble is the only guy with big enough boots was Nigel and I think he succumbed to the threats.

Of course most of my friends just ignore it all and concentrate on their tiny bubble of work and family and let everything crumble on the outside.
That’s what they want you to do though.
Sorry to sound like a conspiracy cunt but I’ve realised that if it’s really happening, then it’s not a conspiracy.

Enough to make you want to move to the outer Hebrides.

Thanks you cunts.
I was enjoying my life.

Nominated by: Lord Ferrigno

The hashtag generation

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#getonthebandwagonbutdofuckallproactive

I fucking hate the hashtag generation, bunch of fucking cunts.

Oh look how empathetic I am typing a fucking hashtag.

And I hate all those self promoting hashtags to try and get it trending, fuck off.

#GETAFUCKINGLIFE

Nominated by: Boaby

Kids [2]

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Kids are cunts…

Looking forward to the little fuckers going back to school… I am sick of these little bastards ruining my dinner hour with their screaming, tantrums, and those sadistic little cunts that chase pigeons…

Not to mention their parents doing fuck all when the brats act up and are generally foul…

Fucking cunts…

Nominated by: Norman