Monthly Archives: June 2016

Truckers

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Truck drivers. I know it’s not an overly common, everyday vehicle over in Blighty but over here they’re like a fucking plague.

If I ran the dealerships over here, it would go something like this:

Pickup Customer: Ah wowna pik erp trerk.
Dealer: Yes sir and do you live or work on a farm or ranch?
Pickup Customer: Nope. Ah jerst wowna pik erp trerk.
Dealer: I see. I’m struggling to understand your need for such a vehicle. Do you intend for this to be your ‘everyday’ vehicle?
Pickup Customer: Yerp.
Dealer: Very well then. Please follow me over to our frontal lobotomy department where we can make the necessary arrangements.

I’m telling you, these 2 ton oversized Tonka toys sit on your arse in rain, sleet, ice and snow. They cut in front of you for no reason when there’s miles of empty road behind you. They never use indicators and if you should ever honk the horn at them for doing something stupid and/or dangerous, well then you’re treated to a tirade of abuse and hand gestures like it’s YOU that’s done something wrong! The ignorant trash which drives these bloody things need rounding up, have the driving manual (Highway Code) tattooed onto their beer bellys, then kicked repeatedly in the groin area, then set on fire, then…..you get the general idea.

Nominated by: Imitation Yank

Carole Kirkwood

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The ultimate cunting for the BBC breakfast team is reserve for Carole “big up my part” Kirkcuntingwood.

Typical Carole forecast for a showery day, she goes round every region of the UK and tells us there may be showers. 10 minutes of Carole to give us a weather forecast for an island where the weather is generally much the same because its not a huge island is it, Carole you cunt?

The BBC not satisfied with that massages Carole’s ego by sending her on jollies round the country. Fuck of Carole! You’re a weather girl and the qualifications for that are being young fit and able to point.

Cunt

Nominated by: Sixdog Vomit

(Cheers Sixdog – I’ve been just itching to use that picture – if you’ll forgive the expression…)

Young remainers

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Young remainers need a cunting. “OLD PEOPLE HAVE DESTROYED OUR FUTURE” they wail, like the whingeing, infantile fuckwits they are. “NO THEY FUCKING DIDN’T” I keep shouting back. Though I don’t think they’re listening. The fact is, only 38% of young people aged between 18-24 years old voted. Most of them chose to be traitors. That means SIXTY TWO percent of 18-24 year olds who were eligible to vote, couldn’t be bothered to get of their arses and have their say.

Now, I’ve always been of the opinion that if you don’t vote, you don’t have the right to whinge if a vote doesn’t go your way. You had a chance to make a difference, but you couldn’t be bothered to do anything. In my book, that means you SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! If you lazy cunts had bothered to drag your arses out of bed and put your cross in the box, there’s a good chance we’d still be part of the EU now. But you DIDN’T. And don’t you DARE blame anyone else for what subsequently happened. Because, 62% IT’S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Cecil Parkinson

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I know he’s that dead, but he’s such a cunt, that Cecil Parkinson deserves a posthumous cunting.

This won’t be a long rant, because my nomination is for one simple reason. His treatment of the daughter he fathered with his mistress. It’s turns out that after years of refusing to be a man and acknowledge that he was the father of a girl born as the result of an affair, that he chose to carry on being a nasty, dishonourable piece of shit in death, by not leaving a single penny in his will to his illegitimate daughter.

Cecil Parkinson; what a fucking cunt…

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw