Danny Simpson

images

Danny Simpson needs a definite cunting.

He gives his now ex-girlfriend, and is surprised when he ends up in court over it. He managed to dodge prison, being given 300 hours community service in a charity shop in Eccles instead. You’d think he’d be grateful at being shown such leniency. No. He went to court to get it stopped with 155 hours left, because the media had found out where he was working and were bothering him. Turns out the media had found where he was working, because the overpaid halfwit had been parking his completely unobtrusive LAMBORGHINI CUNTO around the from the shop.

Fortunately for Simpson, he got one of the many limp wristed, loony left, soft ass judges, who don’t actually know what their job is. The judge granted his request to have the community service stopped, much to the disgust of his ex-girlfriend and her family, and instead gave him a curfew of 7pm to 6am, rather than the fine he wanted.

You’d think he’d be grateful at being shown such leniency. No. Simpson went back to court to get the curfew lifted, because he wanted to go out on the piss with his Leicester City team mates, claiming it was a work commitment. Surprisingly, the judge he got today seems to have had some sense. He threw out the request for a fine, saying that it would be meaningless to a multi-millionaire. So he threw out the curfew, and ordered Simpson to wear a tag, complete the 155 hours of community. Apparently, the judge also questioned the wisdom of driving to his community service in his Lamborghini Cunto, and asked why he couldn’t take a cab.

I would imagine that Simpson is a pretty unhappy bunny. His arrogance in believing that people like him should be allowed to get away with committing crimes, has brought him firmly right back to where he was when he was first sentenced. Well let’s face it, footballers don’t get paid for their intelligence. He should be grateful though, he did at least avoid prison.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Female politicians

Labour's female MPs

Female politicians really get on my nerves.

Naz Shah, Dianne Abbott, Baroness Warzi, Priti Patel, Kate Hoey and that cunt Nicki Morgan. All with a sense of indignation which translates into being a nagging, whiny voiced haranguer of anyone who’ll listen. Pompous to the point of bursting they pontificate on everything. I fucking hate them with their enraging sense of entitlement.

They smugly sit on Radio 4 interviews or Question Time and preach their ”Do what I say ‘cos it’s good for you” bollocks while avoiding any question that exposes their double standards by just continuing to talk and talk and talk in their nasal tones. They suck at the teat of the public purse and feather their nests while telling us that austerity is necessary. In it together? Not bloody likely.

They’re middle-class harridans of the modern age and need bringing down a peg or two…The cunts.

Nominated by: Fleaboy

Oscar Pistorius [2]

pistorius-pistol

Oscar Pistorius: “Reeva Steenkamp wouldn’t have wanted me to waste my life in jail”… or some such crap.

Sadly, we were unable to reach Ms. Steenkamp for clarification, as she is dead, thanks to…

Oscar Pistorius, murdering tera-Cunt.

Nominated by: HBelinda Hubbard

Marketing

download

Marketing is a cunt.

If you want to sell an inferior product, simply use the BBC or social media to link it to supposed “intelligence”, social status or most people’s basic need for acceptance and the desire to be seen as “up to date” and “modern”. That way you can sell any old crap such as hybrid cars, Stewart Lee’s “comedy”, Windows 10, Socialism, the new overpriced and overhyped plastic “smart” gadget or even Daniel Craig’s latest lame shitty excuse for a Bond movie.

It will sell even though the buyer can see that, really, it’s shite because no-one wants to be perceived as “thick” or “ignorant” or outmoded, even if they aren’t.

Vanity and insecurity trumps all and fills the bank accounts of cunts everywhere…

Nominated by: Mr Bastard

Champagne

Champagne-Tower-Inside

Champagne is a rip-off, just wine with bubbles and £25 more a bottle.

Just buy a decent bottle of white for £12 and run it through a sodastream, Even Oz Clarke wouldn’t know the difference

Nominated by: Boaby