Truck drivers. I know it’s not an overly common, everyday vehicle over in Blighty but over here they’re like a fucking plague.

If I ran the dealerships over here, it would go something like this:

Pickup Customer: Ah wowna pik erp trerk.
Dealer: Yes sir and do you live or work on a farm or ranch?
Pickup Customer: Nope. Ah jerst wowna pik erp trerk.
Dealer: I see. I’m struggling to understand your need for such a vehicle. Do you intend for this to be your ‘everyday’ vehicle?
Pickup Customer: Yerp.
Dealer: Very well then. Please follow me over to our frontal lobotomy department where we can make the necessary arrangements.

I’m telling you, these 2 ton oversized Tonka toys sit on your arse in rain, sleet, ice and snow. They cut in front of you for no reason when there’s miles of empty road behind you. They never use indicators and if you should ever honk the horn at them for doing something stupid and/or dangerous, well then you’re treated to a tirade of abuse and hand gestures like it’s YOU that’s done something wrong! The ignorant trash which drives these bloody things need rounding up, have the driving manual (Highway Code) tattooed onto their beer bellys, then kicked repeatedly in the groin area, then set on fire, then… get the general idea.

Nominated by: Imitation Yank

17 thoughts on “Truckers

  1. Over here we have Audi drivers, usd to be BMW’s but Audi’s are now the cunt mobile of choice.

  2. I want to nominate My Family (After Brexit) for a right old cunting.

    And, no, I’m not nominating a twee sitcom about a bunch of middle-class neurotics.

    Firstly, to clarify, I voted Brexit mainly for Democratic/Sovereignty reasons. Mass Immigration (I’d like some controls) was on the list but never a deal breaker for me.

    My family (irl) all voted Remain and when I went round to see them last weekend for a catch-up they tried their best to ostracise me for voting Brexit. My mum has always voted Labour and really despises Nigel Farage (the folk devil incarnate, obviously) so I expected some dishonour being laid at my feet. But, I didn’t expect tears and genuine worry that I hadn’t “turned out like Uncle Robert” (who was in Right-Wing outfit Combat 18 etc). I mean, last weekend, post-Brexit was hard enough having to traipse through the oceans of neonatal brats screaming “racist” – like they were on fire – on social media. But, I didn’t expect it from my mum and sister.

    My mum was literally flapping her arms going “But, I’m a humanitarian. I care about PEOPLE”, as if, as a notion, “caring about people” was distinctly exclusive from voting Leave and wanting better things for Britain (a nation full of humans). Then, I went out for a birthday lunch with my sister who said “You do know most Brexit voters are just racist”. I thought my head was going to explode like the famous scene in Scanners, all over the nice people sitting next to us.

    It’s like ever since Jo Cox died (RIP), people have switched their logic centres to 0, and their emotion centres to 9000. My sister basically paraphrased what Will Self said the other day “You don’t HAVE to be racist to vote Brexit, but if you are racist, you will probably vote Brexit”.

    “Well, Anjem Choudary voted Remain”, I said. “So, you don’t have to be a terrorist/Islamist Extremist/Sympathiser to vote Remain, but if you are one, you are probably voting Remain”, I said.

    She soon shut up.

    You just don’t expect it from your own family.

    My mum called later that day and apologised. I do love you mum, if you are reading this. I just had to get it out. See you on Sunday. Promise I won’t steal out the cupboards. X

    • Will Self is a cunt. He’s an arrogant former smack head, with an overblown sense of his own importance, who thinks he’s far more intelligent than he actually is. Like I said, he’s a cunt.

    • I have found that the most vocal people are the expats I know, they live in exile not contributing and enjoying NHS benefits abroad (and not paying local tax) so the ping pong seems to be going “Nazi” from them “freeloader” from me, just waiting for Le penn to get ellected over there and then they can find out what a “Nazi” is, cattle trucks full of expats coming through the tunnel.

    • Probably all headed off to the airport now to go to Hawaii to “think about how we can improve”. The state of the football was so pathetic I wouldn’t be surprised if they had colluded.

      • The only way that bunch of cunts can improve, is if they all stop playing football.

  3. England fuckball team. Woy Hodgson et al
    What another fucking performance from that overpaid shower of shit. Just a laughing stock the whole fucking, cunting lot of them. Rooney at £250,000 a week. A week I say to myself and it beggars belief. Maybe I am old fashioned but its about time England put a hungry team out. They could certainly learn something from Iceland, Northern Ireland and dare I say it Cymru. What a bunch of ocean going cunts they are!

      • If it happens, there are a hell of a lot of people now saying the majority isn’t big enough. If they do end up staying in I am off to the states, they don’t like kicking illegals out and away from the big cities there is plenty of space away from every cunt.

      • They wouldn’t dare and if you really want to fuck an economy up, try adding the uncertainty of another referendum. Then again the sheer audacity of it might cause enough strokes/heart attacks to kill off about 7,000,000 pensioners and solve our apparent pensions crisis. Suppose it’s a trade off.

        I’ve dealt with markets, economics and all that bollocks (and I mean bollocks as anyone who understands it really knows), this is a clear case of panic if every I saw it. What we should do though is get our fucking ambassadors off Youporn and out making fresh trade deals sharpish with Russia, America, Mexico, Japan, Australia etc because it would give us some nice bargaining chips to come to the E.U. negotations with.

        One thing I find funny is people saying that Brexit should have had a plan, so between Boris, Gove, IDS, Grayling and Farage they were going to work out an exact plan to leave the E.U. If the Civil Service weren’t being used like the SS to produce propaganda for Remain they might have had time to put some guidelines together. Instead Osbourne had to make a trip to Delphi this weekend with a magic 8 to work out what he was going to do next. What a fucking bellend.

  4. Why the fuck is the grim reapers’ spazzy younger brother, aka Tony Blair hanging around like a wet fart in a sleeping bag? He’s like, “guys, I’m here if you need me”. The cunt is a walking catastrophe, universally loathed and so retarded he just can’t accept it. The architect of many of the problems that caused the referendum in the first place, should be the last cunt on earth to be near this topic, yet he is all over it. That oily heap of shit should be in hiding, what with the Leveson Whitewash, I mean report due out soon. Nearly eight hundred quid a day that Leveson cunt gets for the Iraq inquiry. No wonder it’s taken him years, that sort of rip off cunt would have done well working for the EU. Oops too late….

  5. This seems to have wandered off a bit, but i’ll second the cunting of pickup drivers. More trucks are sold in the US than cars, and the overwhelming majority are NOT to laborers or contractors.

    The horrible behavior described is right on the money- these cunts seem to thing that once they climb behind the wheel they become supermen with 12′ steel cocks. I don’t blame the manufacturers- I’d sell these $60k USD toys to these assholes too. My 80 yo father still shakes his head at why anyone would drive on willingly- “When I was young, you felt bad for anyone who had to drive one of these pieces of shit.”

    Regarding the assholes in Audis on your side- over here I’ve found the analog is the driver of the almost-invariably-black Nissan Altima , who thinks they are piloting an F1 racer.

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