He claims to be influenced by all these ‘obscure’ blues artists: like Blind Lemon Jefferson and Rutling Orange Peel, to appear cool and interesting, and to give himself carte blanche to make a noise like Yoko Ono on hormone pills.

This cunt also starts a ‘band’ with his missus (always a no-no!): A mute who looks like a drag act and who ‘plays’ the drums with one arm and no imagination: like a toddler with a Fisher Price hammer. Arguably the most useless band member in history. Definitely the crappest drummer!

He also nicks his wife’s name (she was the one called White) and leads the whole world into believing his wife was his sister (the weird little turd!)! This myth building and bullshit was presumably done to make him (and the mute) appear ‘Rock ‘N’ Roll’ and ‘enigmatic’, and to help hide the fact that they were utter crap! They were married, but they look related anyway: Pair of hayseed hicks…. These knobends were as manufactured and as staged as The bloody Spice Girls. It’s quite astonishing how many people fell for their Carpenters as primal blues purists bullshit, and their brother/sister bollocks.

The staggeringly pretentious embelishements this tosspot adds to his (not at all real) name are also surefire displays of cuntery… ‘Bluesman Jack White?’ ‘Jack White The Third?’ Do piss off!

Then he marries again (a rather beautiful girl this time!): But when they have a kid the cunt gives it his ex-wife/sister’s surname! Which wife/mother worth her salt is ever going to be pleased about that (no wonder she left him!)?!

He also licks every arse in the Rock ‘N’ Roll elite (from Jimmy Page to Jagger to Iggy Pop!), and the way the music press (ie: the wankers at the NME, MOJO and all that other crap!) put this squawking bullshit machine in the same category as Bowie, Dylan, Hendrix etc is like Monty Python’s deadliest joke in the world… Die laughing because it is really that laughable….

Yeah, a true cunt of the highest order.

Nominated by: Norman Whiteside

According to Rolling Stone, Jack White III is “ranked 17 out of the 100 greatest guitarists of all time”. What’s that rustling I hear? Could it be Jimi Hendrix or Paul Kossoff turning in their graves? Probably. Clearly Rolling Stone is populated by tone deaf cunts these days.

Here’s a few quotes I do agree with off the cunt’s own web site :

“His songs are often little more than de-fanged blues, lacking the passion and grizzled realness that makes the genre speak to so many people.”

“Jack White’s cover of ‘Love is Blindness’ is “excruciatingly overwrought”

“In the world of guitar players, he’s not even in the top 20 from Detroit. With all due respect Jack, you have to practice a little bit more…”

Giving this arse a Fender or a Gibson is a waste of a quality instrument. It’s not the instrument you’ve got Jack, it’s what you do with it. I’ve listened to some of your stuff – it wasn’t pleasant but I felt I had to in order to be fair. If I played as well as you, I’d fucking give up. Honest!

Nominated by: Chas C