The Apprentice (2)

It’s BBC Apprentice 2017. How a year has flown by since the business equivalent of Britain’s got NO talent reappears on our screens. The best young business entrepreneurs Britain has to offer for a 13th year running. I hear the Chinese, Japanese, Indians, Germans, Americans….OK, the whole fucking world, shitting their pants, as UK plc unleashes these titans of business acumen against them.

Fronted by east end wide boy Sir Alan – Lord Sugar, a man with a bad dose of titulitis. I do so wish one of the apprentices has the balls to call him “Al” or “mate” and watch him go apoplectic or just to call him ‘Sir Alan’ instead of ‘Lord Sugar’.

The king of the one liner, has some ‘great’ new material such as  “Forget Brexit…Here, I’m the one who decides who remains and who leaves.”  Such quality, perhaps he picked that out of Sir Brucie’s suit pocket from his grave.

This year’s line up of 18 apprentices are a veritable smorgasbord of British society. A posh ‘Tory Boy’ as he’s known, who worked for ‘Call me Dave’. A double barrelled named woman, a few other whiteys, probably Northern and Southern wideboys, a generous spattering of superwimmin, an Alan Carr/Graham Norton look-a-like, a black woman, two peacefuls, and a Chinese dude.

The BBC having duly ticked all the diversity boxes stuffed a cherry on top with one of the peacefuls being a hijab clad woman who describes herself as an ‘ independent woman’.  Go there BBC, liberty, equality and freedom for the peaceful  sisterhood. Next year can we expect a black sheet and matching pillowcase peaceful sister demonstrating her freedom of expression and independence?

Any bets on who will win?

I will go for the Chinese bloke if it’s purely based on who is hardest working and best in business, although if he hasn’t already made his first billion on his own, then he may just be a token entry. Otherwise, the hijab wearing peaceful looks promising…..as I seem to vaguely remember one of those winning a competition on the BBC before…..although I maybe wrong…. because they never gave her much publicity afterwards.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.

The Apprentice

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They will no doubt be deserving of individual cuntings, but I’d like to kick things off with a pre-emptive strike by saying that all 18 of them will, undoubtedly, be appalling cunts.

Vain, self-important, egotistical, brown-nosing, back-stabbing, money-grubbing, talentless cunts.

If I was in charge off the BBC then (apart from being a colossal cunt) I would apply the following format to the show:

Each time one of the cunts gets fired by Lord Cunt, when he says “you’re fired” instead of pointing at them with his pudgy little digit, he actually pulls out a gun and, holding it sideways like a real badass, double-taps the cunt in the face.

Then after Sugar has wasted 17 of the cunts, the final cunt gets “hired” and breathes a massive sigh of relief… just before Karren Brady pops up and garrotes them from behind using her own G-string.

THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT!!!

Nominated by: Nickleby

BARONESS Karen Brady! What the fuck did she get a peerage for other than sucking up to LORD fucking Sugar? Whatever next? A knighthood for the winner?!?

The honours system is a fucking joke – but at least Brown and Blair didn’t get a gong. Maybe that’s because they weren’t on The Apprentice? Just a thought…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Lord Sugar

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Time to recunt Lord Sugar

Cunt is seeing trying a back peddle now saying he is quitting the labour party.

Because they didn’t win? Realised the only cunt possibly bigger than any cunt in the party could be you – who would be responsible for the contribution its demise in the first place.

Fuck off you obnoxious tiring cunt.

Nominated by: King Cunt