The Apprentice


They will no doubt be deserving of individual cuntings, but I’d like to kick things off with a pre-emptive strike by saying that all 18 of them will, undoubtedly, be appalling cunts.

Vain, self-important, egotistical, brown-nosing, back-stabbing, money-grubbing, talentless cunts.

If I was in charge off the BBC then (apart from being a colossal cunt) I would apply the following format to the show:

Each time one of the cunts gets fired by Lord Cunt, when he says “you’re fired” instead of pointing at them with his pudgy little digit, he actually pulls out a gun and, holding it sideways like a real badass, double-taps the cunt in the face.

Then after Sugar has wasted 17 of the cunts, the final cunt gets “hired” and breathes a massive sigh of relief… just before Karren Brady pops up and garrotes them from behind using her own G-string.


Nominated by: Nickleby

BARONESS Karen Brady! What the fuck did she get a peerage for other than sucking up to LORD fucking Sugar? Whatever next? A knighthood for the winner?!?

The honours system is a fucking joke – but at least Brown and Blair didn’t get a gong. Maybe that’s because they weren’t on The Apprentice? Just a thought…

Nominated by: Dioclese

30 thoughts on “The Apprentice

  1. Keeping on this pattern there for is the individual (Re) Cunting of Len Goodman.

    The cunt responsible for bringing each and every cunt that participates in Strictly come dancing.

    From the judges, compares to the contestants who feels they have transpired into some mysterious god just to be on that show makes it very hard to pick who to take out first.

    A much better, classier group of people are found on Porn Hub, than are the cunts on this excuse for entertainment.

  2. Good cunting.

    Before any one of those cunts even opens their mouth to confirm the fact, you just know that they are all unspeakable cunts just for wanting to be in the same room as that cunt Sugar.

    Who in their right mind would want to be in the same postcode, let alone work for that dodgy cunt?

      • Ratner. A stellar Cunt now immortalised in the phrase: ‘doing a Ratner’ traced to the quote: “We also do cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95. People say, ‘How can you sell this for such a low price?’ I say, because it’s total crap.”

        Our fingers in his ring.

      • When I was in the electronics trade we had a skip behind the workshop marked “Amstrad Dept”

      • Sugar is the cunt who during his Amstrad days was told that a young American wanted to speak with him about his new operating system which he hoped he might be interested in. Sugar told him to fuck off being too busy and important and all that. You guessed it, the young man was Bill Gates. Sugar, your fired ya CUNT.

      • Ah, the Amstrad VCR4600 VCR. Thanks to a substandard clutch/pinch roller design the finest device for chewing up VHS tapes ever invented. Made a lovely noise when hit by a hammer though…..

  3. the BBC should adopt a policy of not accepting anyone who applies to be on the show on the grounds that by doing so they are almost guarenteed to be knobheads i realise there is a slight snag to adopting this but at least we’d be spared hearing about these irritating twats.

  4. Sometime a cunting is so topical and perfect, there really is nothing you can add…..
    Except, Bono is a cunt!

  5. Ah yes, Karen Brady…. I presume this is the same Karen Brady who worked for that beacon of journalism, The Sunday Sport? Then shagged her way onto the boardroom at Birmingham City, and now sucks the old cocks of those two porn barons, Gold and Sullivan, as West Aiiiim? If it is that Karen Brady then it’s little wonder she got a title…Because (from stuff I’ve heard over the years) she will do absolutely anything for a bit of that…

  6. Who are these wankers in the first place? They are just a bunch of sleazy fucking salesmen. That’s how the cunt sugar got his millions, by selling shit and these cunts are trying to get into his act by selling shit that people don’t need and can’t afford so that they can impress people they don’t like. Cunts!

  7. Aye, ‘regional tele-sales salesman of the month’ 3 months in a row at ‘bullshit, arsehole & cunts insurance brokers’ and they think they are some kind of entrepreneur so apply for the apprentice, if they do win they get a job selling Amstrad satellite dishes at car-boot sales, old Sugar has a warehouse full of them 🙂

  8. Much like Big Brother, after the initial novelty has worn off you’re left with an increasingly tired and desperate format. As its the BBC there’ll be a scrupulously ethnic mix of contestants, and they’ll all be cunts. Going to meetings is not interesting. It’s a way of getting out of doing anything for an hour or so. Hewer’s a cunt as well.

  9. “BARONESS Karen Brady! What the fuck did she get a peerage for other than sucking up to LORD fucking Sugar? Whatever next? A knighthood for the winner?!?

    The honours system is a fucking joke – but at least Brown and Blair didn’t get a gong. Maybe that’s because they weren’t on The Apprentice? Just a thought…”

    Sucking up to Lord Sugar, D? More like sucking OFF Lord Sugar. I completely agree, the honours system is fucking joke. A sick fucking joke. If it were actually people who have actually done something for the country: military personnel, cops, (the good ones, not the shite who get fast tracked thanks to a degree in media studies), lollipop men and women, nurses, doctors, teachers…no not teachers…they’re cunts. If the system were fair, I’d be Lord McGraw of Manchester.

    I’m confident in predicting that Blair will NEVER get a peerage. Too many members of the British public despise the grinning cunt. There would be riots in the streets of every British city if it were ever announced that Blair was even being considered for a peerage.

    As for the Apprentice, cunts…all of ’em. I watched the first five minutes, as the arsewipes introduced themselves. They’re basically clones of every other contestant that’s ever been on it. One declared, ‘I won’t just be a millionaire, I’ll be a billionaire. It WILL happen. I want to be richer than Lord Sugar, and he needs to realise that’. Not in your fucking lifetime, you cock. The oldest contestant, some blonde tart, wore a hideous, bright, tartan skirt suit. Mrs McGraw commented that she looked as though she was auditioning for the Colin Baker era Dr Who.

    There were a couple of pretty decent looking birds. Until they spoke, and came out with several shades of bullshit. One announced her desire to be a worldwide phenomenon. Sorry love, but the only way that will happen, is if a video emerges of you sitting on Donald Trump’s face, whilst sucking off a pig carcass that’s being skull fucked by David Cameron, with Lord Sugar spraying his salty load in your face.

    And she isn’t even the fucking worst. I have to say, I much prefer Nickelby’s version of the show.

  10. The Apprentice, Strictly, X Factor, ANY clone of these festering pustules wasting transmission bandwidth should be in this category IMO.
    There is no end of talentless cunts out on the streets to entertain you without thrusting it down your throat when you get home from work on the idiot box. It’s not enough to be surrounded by all the “Sugar Wannabees” at work all day it is as if slightly more polished turds out of the same petri dish of genetically managed slop are being churned out by mad scientists at Monsanto and Syngenta in some warped ideal of corporate rightiousness. ……. Maybe that is what Sugars’ business is now he can’t be arsed to make so much as a three amp fuse anymore? Would explain a lot; the Amstrad stereos of the eighties were boxes full of nothing too.

      • Amstrad ended up absorbing the Fidelity name (once makers of fine radio recievers) and becoming AmstradFidelity. Their biggest horror was the AVS unit, which was a TV set and music system combined with radio, tape deck and a record player that slid out the front. The most horrific thing to work on and when you removed the rear cover for servicing there was fuck all inside most of the huge cabinet. The whole thing worked for about the first month of use before the first bits broke, fell off or jammed. May they all rot in landfill for evermore…..

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