Suffering from a spot of PTSD, I’m currently unemployed and struggling with day to day life. Best thing is a change and all, and having previously cunted Sheffield, Bin men, cunts that don’t park considerably, cunts that don’t stop at red lights, potholes, and socialist teacher type cunts, generally all the stuff making my life a misery, I decided to sell up and move to the Country to be around a different set of cunts, hopefully like minded cunts at that.

Obviously selling up means tarting the house up a bit, which I don’t mind. Except when it comes to the garden, I am fortunate enough to have a nice space in my current house and I generally enjoy. But the problem is all the fucking singleton, cat owning cunts around here who think now the spring has arrived, kitty should not be lounging in the house and proceed to lock said beast outdoors, all day.

The result is shitting contests taking place between Mr Fox and the local cats, so my raised beds and herb garden are littered with particularly pungent, faeces on regular basis. I did try collecting it and placing on the doorstep of the owners but the fuckers have taken to doing it at night, making faecal tracing a little difficult. I grew up in the country, I don’t mind the stench of old Reynard’s shit, a bucket of human piss is suffice to put pay to his territorial markings, but not so with the Feline. Those little cunts are impossible to deal with once they start.

‘But they are cats, you can’t control where they roam’ is the usual cry. Well, fuck you if thats your opinion. Its your Cat, and its a domestic animal, the clue is in the name. Domestic basically means household, like Domestic Plants for example, which live in the house. Ergo, so should kitty. That is indeed what litter boxes are for. But dirty cunts don’t want to clean up after kitty, they are happy for that business to happen elsewhere, as long as life is easy for said pet owner.

Fuck what the law says, as far as I am concerned its your pet, therefore its only a domestic pet when its on your property, the minute it ventures on to mine and its presence is undesired, it will be treated as vermin and dealt with accordingly. Silenced .177HMR should be pretty effective. It costs £65 to get an animal cremated at the vets, and I will get the receipt and bill the fucking neighbours for it. I tried catching them and dropping them off in a different county, (one little kitty went all the way to Redruth, long way from up north) but the cunts just mourn it for a week and put up posters, before getting another a few weeks later. Maybe this approach will be more effective.

Dirty, lazy, inconsiderate cunts.

Nominated by: The Captain