‘SumUp’ deserve a monumental cunting, if you please.
This fucking advert about a Card reader machine sends my blood pressure to dangerously high levels. The one where the cast of the United Nations go “Oooohhhh” when they see the card machine. I have provided a link for one of them, as per rules, but, watching it will increase your blood pressure to stroke-inducing levels.
A cunting fucking advert of biblical proportions. Now, where did I put those Bisoprolol.
Nominated by – DCI Gene Cunt
A centrepiece at this year’s Edinburgh Festival is going to be the performance of a choral piece called “Sound of the Union”. Are the Scot’s at last going into song to praise the Act of Union”? Unfortunately not – the Union that’s being praised is the European Union.
The Sound of the Union is a rendition of Burn’s Auld Lang Syne and it’s going to be sung in Gaelic and in all the languages of the EU. It will be performed by a choir of cunts from across the EU and is designed by the organisers to “express concern” at the UK’s departure from the EU. It’s being funded by the SNP who are paying £350,000 to support this year’s annual Edinburgh Shitfest.
And the author of this choral masterpiece, which will no doubt sound like a sack of fighting, randy tom cats amplified through a cunt trumpet? Well, he’s about as British, Scottish and European as they come. Come forward and take a bow, Emeka Ogboh, a Nigerian who lives in Germany.
Mr Ogboh has said that his choral piece is designed as a homage to the EU citizens that did not “have their voice heard” in the EU referendum (ie. because they were not British). He also said, “You can’t talk about Brexit without talking about migration.”
Auld Lang Syne is a dismal dirge in any language, let alone the languages of the EU and Gaelic (a language spoken by absolutely no one at all in Scotland and by 14 people in Ireland).
When will these nut jobs realise they lost the referendum and fuck off?
Eurotrash of the highest order and a huge pile of cunt. I suppose Mr Ogboh is an artist of sorts – but his usual medium is piss.
Nominated by – MMCM
A very quick cunting for corporate sharks E.ON.
Who are Eurohuns based in Essen, but in manoeuvres reminiscent of Putin’s sale of state assets to his chums, are part of the bewildering number of companies now flogging power from this country’s once-excellent national grid to those unfortunate cunts who like cooked food and warm houses in winter. Who put their prices up by 8% last time. Who have just created a kindergarten-themed lets-all-be-happy new customer account interface, without consulting any customers, to the best of my knowledge.
The new account is designed to
(a) Maximise the irritation of anyone not wanting a smart meter, and require that customer to do his own meter reading, monthly (see (c))
(b) By means of constant nagging, coerce the customer into a direct-debit arrangement.
(c) Reduce the billing interval from three to one monthly
(d) Cut the esteemed customer off if the cash doesn’t reach the E.ON coffers within a week of their outrageous bills being presented.
All this, under the rubric of “Cheerful Energy”. I kid you not. Sad to say, this makes me feel no happier about paying through the nose to a malevolent corporate whose profits last year were over £9 billion.
I’ve switched. Bulb isn’t a whole lot better, but at least it doesn’t insult my intelligence, and charges less.
Here is my reply to the tragically wounded, though obviously much reproduced, automatic email expressing E.ON’s sense of loss at my departure:
What convinced me to leave was your imposition of an entirely new account structure, with an infantile and patronising customer interface, the loss of 3-monthly billing, and constant pressure to make your access to my bank account trouble-free (for you) as, regardless of any savings you have made by this, your prices continued to rise.
I have switched to a company with far higher levels of customer satisfaction, offering cheaper prices. Although the corporate-friendly business model appears now to be universal, and quarterly billing is apparently obsolete, at least its website does not consist of kindergarten graphics and an Orwellian ‘don’t think about the price, be happy’ message.
There is no such thing as ‘cheerful energy’, playmates. Not if you’re paying for it.
Talking of customer satisfaction, google Mumsnet + E.ON, if you think I’m being too harsh on the cunts. Hell hath no fury…
Nominated by: Komodo
Tony Blair is envious of that grin.
An emergency cunting for this pansy ex-vicar, Labour MP for the Rhondda, who has seen fit to republish a cartoon, again questioning the intelligence of Brexit voters:
You have to wonder at his mental faculties, that he insults a majority of his constituency and numerous ex Red Wall voters. Perhaps Dame Keir knows he can’t win, so encourages all his nancy boys and race baiters to come out of their loony bins, so he can blame them, rather than himself, when it all goes tits up again.
As for Bryant and his rictus grin, why does he (and Adonis and Mandy) think that sniffing and licking and worse round another blokes arsehole makes him superior to the rest of us. What a cunt.
Nominated by – W. C. Boggs
Carly Simon is a cunt.
Hasn’t done anything of note for decades (if ever), and she has dined out for years on ‘You’re So Vain’. A crap song anyway, but the way cunts in the media are so obsessed about who it’s (supposed to be) about.
Simon has deliberately kept people guessing about this record, and dropping hints about who it was aimed at, gaining tons of publicity in the process. And this ridiculous ‘quiz’ is still going. Who is You’re So Vain about?
Seriously, who fucking cares?
This version with The Stones is better.
Nominated by: Norman