Recruiting staff is a cunt and it has got worse over the past few years.
Whenever I have a vacancy to fill I advertise the job description and stipulate CV’s ONLY.
That’s the first challenge for the candidate.
Can they follow simple instructions?
In most cases the answer is no.
Along with a CV they just can’t help asking questions.
And the questions are often astonishing.
Could you tell me how many weeks paid holiday I get?
Do I still get paid for being off sick?
Can I work from home?
Can I work from 10 until 2 as I have kids at school?
The actual content of the CV’s is unimportant to me.
They usually contain the same shit.
‘I am a great communicator’
‘I am a people person’
‘I work well alone and also as part of a team’
‘I am looking to expand my boundaries’
‘I want new challenges’
It’s all nonsense and shows no imagination.
On many occasions the candidate will send a CV where the grammar and spelling is appalling.Demonstrating their laziness by not using a spell checker.
I had one from someone that lived in ‘Engerland’.
People send me their generic CV’s.
I have had them from people that are ‘passionate about logistics’ and one from someone who ‘wanted to forge a career in the pet food industry’.
My company has nothing to do with logistics (deliveries? ) or pet food, but that doesn’t matter to these cretins. They don’t have the intelligence to adapt their CV’s for the job advertised.
I had a CV which was completely illegible as it was written in at least 20 different fonts in lots of bright colours. The cunt wanted to redesign my website.
One fucking idiot refused to send me his CV until I told him all about the job on offer.
He said that his CV contained personal information that he didn’t want to share.
One memorable CV was 6 pages long and listed every job that the cunt had ever had.
Many of the jobs he was in for just a month or two.
CV’s are important to me as an employer. But I am more interested in how they are presented rather than what is written in them.
It’s as if none of these cunts want a job and they will be the first to complain when their applications are ignored.
Nominated by: The Artful Cunter
