Megan Topping and her Greggs obsession for your consideration.

Some people decide to do some extraordinary things to achieve a lifetime goal. Reach the summit of a mountain, travel across a vast expanse of water, travel through uncharted territory, but not this stupid bint, oh no, she’s a trailblazer.

Megan has decided to visit every Greggs in the country, in her honourable pursuit of cuntishness.

She’s eaten 10,000 sausage rolls, and spends £300 a month in the gourmet establishments, yet she’s only 8 stone and “leads a healthy lifestyle “.
“ So far, she’s visited every Greggs in Greater Manchester, said: “I couldn’t be more excited. I work a lot and I wanted to do something fun with my life, so I thought, ‘Sod it, why not?’

AMAZING. It takes a special kind of person to commit to such an enormous challenge in the pursuit of her personal goal of being, well, a proper thick cunt.

Mirror News Link

Nominated by: Cuntington Smythe

There are some Casting Agency young couples who I am sure are totally genuine despite talking like frozen muppets appearing ont’ telly to warn us about the wave of criminality now engulfing our new estates.

“Did you hear next door was arse burgled the other day”

“Ooh we did. There is an epidemic of arse burgling on the estate. I wish we could feel safe in our own beds.’

“We have had a Verisure Alarm fitted. We rang them and they came and fitted the same day. Now we have total peace of mind and they give you a limited time offer of a free door bell arsecam. ”

“What a Graze idea.”

“You’re doing the wrong ad you cunt. Yes you should get one. If you fancy having your arseburgled you can see who it is and let them in. Verisure let you can take control of your own life.”

“Yes you should get one. If you fancy having your arseburgled you can see who it is and let them in. Verisure let you can take control of your own life.”

“What a good idea (fake Co-Op Insurance type smile to partner). We’ll get one fitted right away.”

“Yes do. You won’t regret it. We have no worries now.”

How much do they cost?”

“That is not in my script”

Fake Co-Op Insurance type smiles all round.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Seconded by: Cassandra

Along with the likes of Kevin Twatly, whose Key advert for equity release really boils my piss. Has he no shame trying to persuade us pensioners to fritter away our kids’ inheritance? “we’ll tell you if it’s not right for you?” Fuck off – the few applications you do reject is because they ain’t right for Key. These products are invariably a bad idea – except for the mercenary fuckers making the ads.

Same goes for all the other “funeral plans”, “debt consolidation” and “snake oil” products on TV. You know who you are Eamonn and Carol.

Apparently every X ray department in hospitals must now ask ANYBODY of child bearing age if they are pregnant before they have an x ray. So every red blooded, normal, hairy arsed geezer must be asked if he is up the duff for fear of offending some fucked up tranny weirdo who might have recently had a cock up his fanny. Confused? You fucking will be.

I was thinking……..if some bloke had a nice beer gut wouldn’t he take offence at such a question? “Fuck me, I come here for an X ray and this bitch is taking the fucking piss.”

Wouldn’t he be entitled to compo for hurty feelings? Shouldn’t somebody be sacked for blatant “fat shaming”? I don’t think the wokies have thought this one through.

Can’t do links Admin but I’m relying on some cunt to help me out. Ooooh xx

GB News Link.
(Link kindly provided by the suave and sophisticated Ruff Tuff Creampuff)

Nominated by: Freddie the Frog