Most embarrassing “You’re my best mate!” moments.
I had a conversation with an old friend of mine over Skype last night. We haven’t seen each other face2face in about 30 odd years, but we’ve been keeping in conversation via email for most of that time.
Anyway, he is due up here for a holiday break over in Seascale, and we promised to meet up at the local boozer for a few drinks and rekindle a few memories.
On the subject of which he reminded me of some of our outlandish drunken moments back in the 1990s/early 00s and in our mid 30s enjoying the laddish culture, lad-mags and the indie/techno/house sounds that made that era so utterly epic.
He reminded me of one particular drunken incident where we became rather indiscreet and entered the world of “You’re my best mate, you are!” And that’s when he said that I had always wanted to have a three-way lezzer sandwich with his mother (who was incredibly fit back then) and his 22 year old sister (ditto!)
He went onto say that I would have loved to see his sister munch on her mother while I took her from behind etc…
I stopped him midway to say that’s utter bullshit and where’s your proof?
Of course he couldn’t provide any. But he did say “Why don’t you ask them?” And looking across the tableย I saw both his mother and sister looking back at us in amazement/shock as they were just as slightly pissed for wear!
Obviously I knew they were there from the moment we met up in the pub way back in the late 90s. But typically the consumption of alcohol does tend to make one forget not only one’s indiscretions but also who’s actually around to hear them!
Fortunately they all took it in good heart back then, even though he too was as equally pissed as myself. Unfortunately I can’t recall any “Best Mate” moments from him, but I’m sure he had some.
So that was my worst moment, or at least that I can recall. Unfortunately his mother passed away roughly 10 years ago, and his sister is married with a couple of kids. But it really is most embarrassing what drink can do to one’s private thoughts
Can anyone else recall their most embarrassment “Best Mate” confessions?
Nominated by: Technocunt
Fucking hell!
7
When i was young enough and capable enough of doing such things back then, I’d have said ‘Thanks for the idea, mate’, bided my time and then done them both, but maybe not necessarily together, when he was well out of the way. I then would have seen him again and said ‘That was fucking great. You really are a great pal. What a lovely gesture.’
11
He wanted to see you shag his sister from behind while she licked out their mother? What the fuck is all that about? There isn’t enough alcohol in the world to make you want to see that.
15
Are you mad? My mother was a stunner… if I’d had a sister she would have been gorgeous too, and as a fourteen year old I’d have given anything to see her licking out my mum – who wouldn’t?
3
Yeuch ๐คฎ
4
That’s what happens when you mix lagers with spirits – to me at least! And the mother was super fit for a MILF
Of course in the cold light of day along with a massive hangover and guilty conscience it was difficult looking at both of them with a straight face.
1
True story. My best mate in the UK – who actually coined the phrase “Imitation Yank” once asked me if I remembered my first blow job.
We were driving to pickup some Chinese takeaway at the time, so I sat there pondering this most interesting question. Several minutes went by before I finally zeroed in on the memory of when my ‘drink on a stick’ was first ushered into the welcoming mouth of my girlfriend at the time.
Proud of myself for actually having accurately remembered that momentous occasion, I said “Yes! Actually I do remember it”.
To which he said, “Did you swallow or spit it out?”.
Cheeky bastard!
19
Haha!
That reminds me of a old joke:
Bloke walks into a bar late at night and says to the barman;
” Five Crฤme du menthes and line them up please”
“Special occasion sir?” Says the barman.
“Yes, I am celebrating my first blow job”
“Well have a sixth one on the house” replied the barman.
“No thanks, five should take the taste away”
I’ll get my coat.
8
Jeepers!!
WTF?
Techno this is simply beyond the pale on our majesty’s Jubilee.
Disgraceful.
I’m not into vulgarity.
What sort of person goes to seascale on holiday?
The war stopped him going to Chernobyl this year?
10
Yeah, I agree, Miserable.
Never mind about the 3 way incestuous orgy of mother/daughter and me. But one really does have to draw the line at holidaying in glow-in-the-dark Seascale just up the road!
1
Alas, I cannot contribute, if I ever had a ” you’re my best mate” moment, I was far too drunk to remember it.
I can remember some embarrassing drunk moments, but on the advice of my solicitor, I’m going ” No comment”
here.
5
As a kid, I once had a mate who pretended to be a boy, just to hang around with me. A lad said “That’s a girl. She’s in my class at school.” I was about 10 or 11 at the time.
Because I was so attractive, the poor lass decided to pretend to like footy and the same music as me, just to be near me.
I was still in the “Urrgh girls” stage and wanted none of it when I found out. She then put ‘love’ letters through the letterbox, threatening to top herself unless I married her. She then threatened to top me an ‘all, with a if she ‘couldn’t have me – nobody could.’
Caused a right carry on. Child shrinks. Rozzers called after death threats.
Fucking shitting myself I was.
The price one pays for outrageously good looks is a big one.
I used to have a thing about attracting mental birds for some reason.
Maybe I was just so good looking I drove them mental?
12
My elder sister had (and still has) a best mate. I’ve known her all my life and she is also a friend of mine. Thing is, she was as fit as fuck back in the day (and she’s not bad even now). But, back in the early 90s she was a Grade A corker. In 1991, I was on my dinner hour in Manchester city centre. And my sister’s best mate was there, part of an an animal rights demo on Market Street, and she was totally billy bollocks, apart from animal rights stickers on certain parts. She didn’t see me at the time, but I copped a major eyefull before the cozzers turned up. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep much that night, and my left hand (and wrist) were pretty worn out for a day or twe. I’ve kept scthum about that for years…
9
Must be hard being a bloke… ๐คฃ
5
Only when we are awake๐
10
Well lads, as Doctor Hook said, ‘When you’re in love with a beautiful woman, it’s hard…’
4
My hand and wrist were knackered for a day or two, that should say. It was more like five days actually. And everything I imagined since I was about 13 was all true. It was a sight to behold, and she did briefly consider being a glamour model when she was younger. She never did it, but she could have easily. If only, as they say…
6
I still see her every now and again in Morrisons, and when I do that smile never leaves my face.
2
Don’t drink and don’t have any friends…and don’t want any either.
I got called out on a job a few Saturday nights ago and I can honestly say that after seeing all the grown adults staggering around and laying in their own piss/shit/vomit I will leave the whole thing for the people who know.
My best friends sister used to get dressed in front of us while we were there playing on the Megadrive which led to a few “restless” nights back in the 1980s.
8
Thereโs certainly something horny witnessing when young a slightly older women dressing up as she magically puts it all together.
Had the pleasure when young and it wasnโt my mother๐๐ thanks be too
2
It’s only early; and a Sunday.. Have another swig (or several). I (& I’m sure others) are here with you. Cheers!!๐บ
2
I have never been allowed to forget the time I got rather drunk and amorous in a Pub garden with a fat lass called “Grizzly”….it was a summer’s evening and people were watching from the Bar.. Grizzly and I had apparently decided to take our lovin’ into the Wendy House to avoid the cruel shouts and laughter ( and rather surprised tourists in the beer-garden)…after we were done,I emerged to cheers but Grizzly got stuck and actually broke the door off it’s hinges as she emerged….I can still hear her howling with laughter as the timber splintered and our audience shouted ” Gan on ,Grizzly…huff and puff and knock that house down”….she still laughs about it when I see her…me.not so much.
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โKin โell!โ
๐๐
6
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/grizzly-adams-star-dan-haggerty-dies-at-74-after-cancer-diagnosis-a6814991.html
Here’s you and Grizzy in the ‘afterglow’.
4
๐๐๐
2
That’s cheered me up no end, Dickie.๐คฃ
3
Now, Lord Fidler, you’ve probably described one of my most embarrassing drunken moments there.
As Sid the Sexist would say:
She divnt sweat much, for a fat lass!
4
Ale loosens the tongue and clouds common sense,
Let’s you say /do things you wouldn’t (shouldn’t?) Normally.
I’ve slept with some horror bags on the ale.
Sang Bob Marley to neonazis.
Ate a moth. (Thought it was a crisp)
I’ve fallen down a cliff chipping my front teeth
Said orrible things to people
Got my winky out to shock
Generally been a public nuisance.
Its the greatest thing in the world ๐
Bladdered with mates.
12
Evening Miserable.
Yes ‘in vino veritas’.
I was drunk the other week and told someone a home truth. Glad I did it.
In fact I think I got drunk for that very reason. Subconsciously
Dutch courage I suppose.
But drink can work well like that.
11
Evening Miles ๐
Yes, you can turn it to your advantage!
“Well I was drunk”…
I’ve said some terrible things when drunk to people.
Best not to apologise unless your genuinely remorseful.
Fuck em.
Guinness is your tipple Miles?
6
Aye. And a couple of double Brandys.
I have got cold chicken when I get home.
We said a prayer for the Queen at mass.
There was the option of singing the National Anthem.
But we didnt. I think we should have. But do the people know the words now?
We never hear the National Anthem.
Nicely drunk. Nearly home time.
6
It goes like this:
God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen.
Send her.. Mumble, mumble.
Long to mumble, mumble
God save the Queen.
Big breath now, for the second verse.
Wait, WTF, you mean there’s more?
No fucking way, one verse, that’s it!
You’re having a fucking laugh, more than one verse!
4
Safe journey, Miles.
3
Yeah better get home. Jeezum.
4
Anyway, I thought our National Anthem was ” You’ll never walk alone”
Certainly hear it more than the God Save gig.
4
I am a model citizen, even when drunk.
I can be ferociously inebriated, yet display impeccable manners.
Tipping my battered topper to the assembled throng, whilst wishing them a very good evening, before I stroll out into the misty night, casually twirling my lead loaded shillelagh.
A necessary precaution against perennial footpads.
I must say that I am appalled at some of the admissions in the responses to this nomination.
Come, come, gentlemen.
Endeavour to achieve.
Good evening ๐
(In other words old Jack was arrested by Plod for various late night public disorder offences and thrown in the cells for a good kicking – Day Admin)
6
A scandalous accusation from DA. It’s years since I was last ‘ detained. ‘
An unfortunate misunderstanding, I might add.
I must say, I’m very disappointed in DA.
The talented and dynamic NA has never stooped to such scurrilous attacks. ๐
Good morning.
(My apologies, Jack. I was caught off guard and went into temporary relapse after someone sent me a photo of Diane Abbot. It had been skilfully Photoshopped with her in very thin undergarments and appearing on the front cover of Vogue magazine. I am still getting over the trauma – Day Admin)
3
How awful. You could be psychologically damaged for life.
I would recommend large quantities of HD porn, to be taken three times a day, for the next week.
If you are no better after that, then an afternoon session with two top drawer escorts should do the trick.
Get well soon ๐
2