Fabrizio Romano, football journalist and transfer ‘guru’, deserves a cunting.

God I hate this cunt so much. I hate his annoying catchphrase. I hate the way he shamelessly retweets his own tweets from a few hours ago to farm interactions. I hate the way he tries to appear ‘cool’ and pander to the 12 year old Football Twitter crowd.

Even his sentence structure bugs me. OK, he’s reliable most of the time but that doesn’t make him any less of a cunt.

People like David Ornstein are far more professional yet don’t receive anywhere near as much attention.

https://twitter.com/FabrizioRomano

Nominated by : OpinionatedCunt.

I’m teetering towards my mid 50s and having some decidedly odd side effects.

My eyebrows are starting to make me look like a Gallagher brother,
My nostrils have filled with hair,
But most worrisome the tops of my ears have sprouted furry points
Like a lynx.

What’s the evolutionary advantage of a middle age removal man having furry Vulcan ears?!!

Now I’m not one of those male grooming puffs.
As many of you know I sport a beard that would guarantee me a walk on part in the Hobbit.
But that’s by choice
I have control over that.
So what else is in-store for me?
A tail?
Will I moult in summer?
Am I more prone to ticks an fleas?
How did Lon Chaney deal with this?
Luckily vanity isn’t one of my failings.

Nominated by : Miserable northern cunt

For the avoidance of doubt, let me say from the outset that I don’t really have an issue with the fair Danniella. No, this is less of a cunting and more of a plea.

Please dear, just disport yourself less in front of the camera. I don’t want to see pictures of you ‘channeling your inner Marilyn Monroe’, or trying to recreate iconic Pam Anderson moments from ‘Baywatch’ (Jesus). I’m pretty certain that not many other people do either.

In particular I most certainly don’t want to see pictures of your latest boob job. Frankly to a tit man like myself they’re more than a bit offputting.

It’s not a good look, so cover up and stay away from the camera, there’s a good girl. Frankly, you’d be doing yourself as much of a favour as you would the rest of us.

The Sun Link.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

We all know it’s a seething nest of race baiting, climate change preaching, Brexit hating, Trump loathing, Biden loving shit.

But this nom is a little more specific in that my problem is with its utterly pointless and misleading ‘LIVE’ reporting feature.

Natural disasters, minor pop star funerals, Bank of England interest rate announcements and fucking Harry Kane for the 90th day running.
There’s nothing to report. Posting quotes from days or weeks old articles every 25 minutes is not ‘LIVE’ reporting. It’s fucking lazy, pointless, time filling dross masquerading as journalism.

And for a corporation that seems to have an endless supply of ‘reporters’ to fly round the globe, it never really has a man or woman on the spot. All the ‘news’ they obtain is second hand.

Yet more ‘quality programming’ by those lovely people at the BBC.

What a pile of shit!

Fake News Website.

Nominated by : Field Marshal Cuntgomery

 
“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Hollywood reporter Ron Knee bringing you all the latest news and gossip from the glittering world of Tinseltown.

Today, there’s one and only one story in La La Land; yes, the news that’s set the whole town alight is that superstar movers and shakers Harry and Migraine have laid out a cool $3 million to purchase the rights to Carley Fortune’s novel ‘Meet Me By The Lake’. The word on the street, and indeed in securely gated communities in Beverly Hills, is that the A-list duo plans to produce a blockbuster film adaptation for Netflix.

Speculation is already rife about who might play the romantic leads (a couple who, like Hank and Skank, meet in their 30s), with the grapevine buzzing that Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt are desperate to sign up. It’s strongly rumoured however that Markle sees the female lead as being an ideal vehicle to relaunch her glittering acting career, after taking a break to play at being a princess for a while and collect numerous awards for her humanitarian work.

Apparently the Markles were intrigued by the themes which the book explores. As I mentioned, it tells the story of the love which blossoms between a couple in their 30s, and tackes issues such as alcohol and drug abuse. A central theme relates to the struggle of one of the central characters after the loss of a parent in a car crash.
It is understood however that no parallels should be drawn between the lives of the Markles and any characters in the novel, and that any resemblance to any persons alive or dead are purely coincidential.

Naturally your correspondent will be following this sensational story around the clock, and will report any developments as soon as they occur. In the meantime, this is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Express

Nominated by Ron Knee.