The Markles Movie

Posted on by

 
“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Hollywood reporter Ron Knee bringing you all the latest news and gossip from the glittering world of Tinseltown.

Today, there’s one and only one story in La La Land; yes, the news that’s set the whole town alight is that superstar movers and shakers Harry and Migraine have laid out a cool $3 million to purchase the rights to Carley Fortune’s novel ‘Meet Me By The Lake’. The word on the street, and indeed in securely gated communities in Beverly Hills, is that the A-list duo plans to produce a blockbuster film adaptation for Netflix.

Speculation is already rife about who might play the romantic leads (a couple who, like Hank and Skank, meet in their 30s), with the grapevine buzzing that Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt are desperate to sign up. It’s strongly rumoured however that Markle sees the female lead as being an ideal vehicle to relaunch her glittering acting career, after taking a break to play at being a princess for a while and collect numerous awards for her humanitarian work.

Apparently the Markles were intrigued by the themes which the book explores. As I mentioned, it tells the story of the love which blossoms between a couple in their 30s, and tackes issues such as alcohol and drug abuse. A central theme relates to the struggle of one of the central characters after the loss of a parent in a car crash.
It is understood however that no parallels should be drawn between the lives of the Markles and any characters in the novel, and that any resemblance to any persons alive or dead are purely coincidential.

Naturally your correspondent will be following this sensational story around the clock, and will report any developments as soon as they occur. In the meantime, this is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Express

Nominated by Ron Knee.

66 thoughts on “The Markles Movie”

  1. Does the female character in this film constantly moan about being the victim of raaaaaay-sism, abandon her sickly father, lie through her teeth and is a money obsessed fake whore? Is the male character a pussy whipped, rapidly balding fucking moron with the brains of a retarded hedgehog?
    I think I might have seen it.

  3. Jesus H fucking Christ on a bike – are there no depths to which these despicable arseholes won’t sink…!!!

  4. ‘Carry On Moaning’
    Unfortunately Sid James and Joan Sims are no longer available.

    Incidentally, Paul Burrell says it’s ‘all about money’.
    It’s Hollywood, you cunt, what else would it be about?

    • Whereas Burrell’s book about Diana wasn’t about money.
      Or the flogging off of her possessions (allegedly)

    • Says fat fruit Burrell, with his umpteen tabloid exclusives, his tell all book, his reality TV series teaching Aussie tarts how to be like Lady Di, and his neverending ‘Me and Diana were like that’ bollocks.

      Fat bloodsucking parasite cunt.

  5. I never seem to be able to convey with words the total contempt and utter revulsion I have for Henry Hewitt and his wife Rachel Hewitt-Markle. So…picking up where I left off here on IsaC:

    It has been something like 5 months since suitcase girl/yacht slut signed with big time Phonywood agent and despicable Uber Juden, Ari Emmanuel*.

    And guess what? Not one fucking deal has been signed let alone offered.

    Why? The Duke and Duchess of Monteshithole are toxic.

    But the Delusional Duo and their paid sycophants are still spewing bullshit to anyone who is still listening and the rest of us who aren’t.

    One cannot escape the torrential torrent of bullshit these two formally Royal Nobodies continuously dump on the American Media.

    Exhibit A:

    https://nypost.com/2023/08/26/meghan-markle-in-talks-with-big-name-directors-for-acting-comeback-report/

    And the Oscar for Most Delusional Cunt in a picture made in her own mid goes to…

    *Ari is the younger brother of Rahm “Dead Fish” Emmanuel and Dr. Zeke “Death Panel” Emmanuel.

    • Oh…in my rage I forgot…another outstanding nomination from our World Affairs correspondent, the illustrious Mr. Knee.

      • Oh…I also forgot…the “torrential torrent” remark was by design and should have had an ** behind it.

        In (some regional forms of) American slang when you want to emphasize something you say it twice. It’s from the Department of Redundancy Department.

  6. News just in.

    Harry Quarterwit is in negotiations with Roger Waters for the rights to The Wall.
    In an eerie parallel with Waters, both lost a parent at a young age and bang on about it like they are the only ones who’ve ever suffered.
    A source close to Harry says he has big plans to remodel the theme by depicting the main character as a washed up royal who’s life unravels after personal tragedy and seeks solace in a misguided marriage to a dominating wife.
    Not only is Harry planning a movie, but a double album based on Pink Floyd’s multi million seller.
    A source says that Harry is busy assembling an all star backing group including the bald guitarist bloke from Right said Fred.

    Seriously though. Many of us here have lost parents and loved ones and it’s always fucking horrible whatever the circumstances.
    But you’ve got to be pretty fucked up to want to relive that by making a movie about it
    Harry doesn’t need money. He needs long term treatment in an institution.

  7. They may have bought the rights, but that doesn’t mean Netflix will stump up the cash to actually make it into a film.

    Last I heard they were described as a pair of lazy grifters by some Netflix exec.

  8. Good Morning

    The only thing Rachel (aka Megan) Markle should be starring in is South Park.
    On another website, a sort of toned down version of here, she is known as ILBW, Instagram Loving Bitch Wife.

  10. Crass is a great word, not used enough, much classier than Total Shit. It is also very close to the word Crash.

  11. Sounds like it will go down a treat with the wet fannies who love all things Disney. As long as it is a musical. Maybe a ride at Dizneyworld depicting scenes from the ‘motion picture and the lives of the producers will follow. It could be a tunnel of lurve with the entrance fashioned as a huge replica of Murky’s cunt. There could be souvenir ginger beards for eager trans punters to buy and ice cream dripping from the ceiling for them to lap up. Helicopters could fly over and drop shit shaped candy on the queues waiting to enter the mega cunt. I can see it all right now. Everyone will be so happy that tears of rapture will roll down their cheeks. God bless America. Fuck off.

    Good morning, everyone.

    • Apparently Hazza is dead keen on the musical idea.

      Having just seen the remake of ‘West Side Story’, he wants to get Bernstein and Sondheim to write the score.

  12. Brave reporting Ron.

    I’d rather they were both found at the bottom of a lake,after a half hearted search that lasted eight months.

    Cunts.

  14. There is no bigger pair of supercilious, plastic cunts than than Smegma and Copperbollocks.

    They have overplayed their hand somewhat and this all smells of desperation. I’m now looking forward to their TV ads for Flash (Harry mopping the floor with his thinning ginger top) and Smegma in a Tesco Christmas TV ad carving the turkey with just her and Harry at the table.

    Great nom by Ron.

    Enjoy this corker.

    https://youtu.be/xJ5s4cTqRNE?si=GbxisY0tNapf3R0O

  15. If the medication they’d been taking recently to keep them quiet a danger, please for crying out loud think of something else, to prevent my poor back teeth from getting much worse.

  16. I see that Hazza’s now playing his face yet again, this time bitching on about ‘the lack of support’ he got for his PTSD when he came back from Afghanistan.

    Everybody’s fault but his again. Will this whining cunt ever shut it?

    Bore off, you priviledged, entitled cunt.

    Morning all.

    • PTSD in Afghanistan?
      Awww, didn’t he get his favourite caviar on his toast?
      He did piss all out there, the bulshitting whining Walt.

  18. What is more disgusting and sorry to digress is this:

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-66679312

    Dirty, slippery, money grabbing cunts – I imagine some bars of gold have been put in greasy palms to get this one over the line.

    I am against the war in Ukraine but I imagine there’s a lot of happy shareholders waking up this morning.

  19. How is it, that all these annoying people don’t even get bumped off ? I know its a money making scheme to keep them alive, but assassinations are also.

    • I do quite well keeping such nonentities out of my thoughts, such as never hearing them speak whenever a subliminal image appears unexpectedly in the news. A good idea of mine is always keeping the volume off incase I’m least expecting it.

      • There’s always about ten articles every day about them in the Fail and the Express.

        The media sees them as clickbait.

        I must admit that they’ve been a great source of entertainment to me. They’re a cunter’s dream. But their ‘poor me’ victimhood whining can grate.

  20. The media seem to pursuade them to do anything that makes money. How about introducing the annoying twats into harakiri.

  21. I get she’s a media whore but he’s now like an accessory, a ginger toy poodle. Her cunt must have some powerful juju because Harry is definitely under a spell.

    Not one shred of dignity left he’ll be begging on the streets of L.A before she’s done with him.

    There maybe a few million people who are interested in this shit show but that leaves almost 9 billion who don’t.

    Strip his citizenship and he can become just another obnoxious overly dramatic yank.

    • It was reported that he told his mates that ‘she’ll do anything’.

      Think he’s just plain cuntstruck.

      Rather him than me. I think she’ll wring him dry before she’s done one of these days.

      • I reckon she dresses up as his mother, does the voice and everything. She is an actress after all. Sigmund Freud would have a field day with old Gingerbollocks.

      • He’ll end up like Psycho. Dressed in a Diana dress, trying to kill Megain in the shower.🤣

        Mind you, I wouldn’t blame him for that.

      • Doesn’t he keep a lock of Diana’s hair beside his bed? Then there was all that stuff about rubbing cream on his dick and imagining that she was in the room with him.

        I wonder if Migraine plays Mommy for him?

  22. Further to Ron’s update at 0834 (Z)

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12466191/Afghanistan-war-hero-prince-harry-british-soldiers.html

    I only uncovered my ears for just long enough to hear a snatch of this professional whinger boring on about himself, yet again, on radio. Same old, with a heavy assault on moral high ground by the Prince of Sodall’s 4th Virtue Signallers.

    The Invictus Games are a great event, and Halfwit deserves all credit for helping to set them up, having swiped the idea from the Yanks. MInd you, we can be sure that his flunkies did most of the setting-up, and let us not forget that half the initial funding was kindly provided by…gasp…George Osborne, from Libor fines money. Talk about laundering the proceeds of crime… but the pro Halfwit faction tends to forget that.

    The Games started in 2014, two years before Hank even began to screw Skank. Never suggest that this was a very good time for the nice-but-dim William and Katharine, and that there has always been a bit of rivalry there.

    But since 2014 an awful lot of shit’s happened. and Hank is manifestly using Invictus as a penile implant in his perpetual pissing contest with the family he just can’t leave alone. Hank induces at best mixed feelings in the soshul meeja rabble, but Invictus is purer than the driven snow (I nearly wrote “whiter”. Oops.) Great PR.
    In fact, apart from the antics of his worse half, Invictus is the only reason anyone at all should be mildly interested in the ginger clown.

    If he had any concern for the event, if he had any dignity, any good taste, he would distance himself from it and not use it as the excuse for an extended whine about how badly everyone has treated this tone-deaf media amateur and his arriviste wife. But he hasn’t.

  23. I see the Halfwit is still blaming the press for the death of his mother. Somebody should tell him it was MI6 on the orders of Satan Blair. That’s MY fucking truth anyway.

  24. Car Crash book?
    They should adapt J. G. Ballard’s ‘Crash’

    Harry fantasises about feminie sex symbols dying in high speed auto accidents, until his own mother perishes. He is torn by the loss of his mother and the imagery of her body mangled and entwined with the limousine.
    Meghan helps him come to terms by being involved in such an accident. When he attends the scene the erotic impulse of seeing her body smashed with lumps of Chevrolet in each orifice becomes too much, and he wanks himself silly over her thigh, slick with engine oil while Lesley Gore’s ‘It’s my party’ still plays from the car radio.

    • Didn’t Cronenburg do it back in the 90s? I’m sure I saw it; James Spader was in it I think.

      It was very erotic. The Markles should turn it into trash porn and flog it to xhamster.

      • He did. But unaccountably refused to cast the ten-year-old thespian wunderkind Prince Harry in the lead role, and Harry had to seek counselling which only partly healed the trauma.

        Perhaps that was as well:
        “Of the adaptation, author J. G. Ballard reportedly said, “The movie is actually better than the book. It goes further than the book, and is much more powerful and dynamic. It’s terrific.”

        (Wikipedia)

  25. The split and divorce should be any time soon, surely?
    Megain Mantis has to be up some personal trainer or hedge fund manager already?

    Or will they be like the Beckhams? David loathes Skellington Spice, but he keeps her to preserve the ‘brand’.

  26. I would hit the ignore button on the movie, if they make it, but i’m too interested to find out how much of a clusterfuck it will undoubdetly be.

    Is that how you spell undoubdetly?
    u n d o u b d… oh fuck off.

    • Incedentally, has anyone else noticed the header pic is fake?

      Is it incidentally? Don’t like googling spelling, i guess i’m just stoopid today

  27. On Fbook so colour me dubious the word on the strasse is that these 2 useless, blood sucking, attention seeking, bad mouthing, back stabbing, bullshit ting, race baiting, grief jacking, mind fucking cunts are on the verge of divorce.
    Now divorce is a major pain in the arse, but I can honestly say, if true Halfwit Harry Hewitt is going to feel like he, s been fucked by a train and good enough for the cunt, the only shame of it is he will be coming back here I’m sure, so hopefully they will dust off the stocks and get the rotten fruit and veg ready,, I want a swede to throw by the way…..

    • It’s nailed on Fug; he’ll be back here whining about his lot and claiming that it’s all somebody else’s doing. And claiming that we owe him a living.

      What a tosser.

  28. Why don’t these two pieces of shit just fuck off forever?

    They yack on about wanting out of the monarchy. Yet they wanted to copyright ‘Sussex Royal’, called their daughter after her ‘racist’ grandmother, and the trailer trash slut still calls herself Duchess of Sussex.

    Fuck me, at least when Nazi cunt Edward VIII quit the job for his manwoman prototype Megain, Wallace Simpson, he was more or less never heard of again. Why can’t these two fucks do likewise?

    • Indeed.

      They’re still trying to go for the ‘one foot in, one foot out’ approach they always wanted.

      Do all the glitzy glamour things and merch on the name, ignore the shit like opening a new wing of a mental hospital in Leeds on a wet February day.

      They’re absolute shit, the pair of them.

Comments are closed.