Bank branch closures. Yes, I know, everyone banks online these days (I don’t) so what’s the need for them? More to the point, banks long ago gave up any pretense of offering a service to their customers. Closing branches cuts costs and boosts the bottom line, so suck it up Johnny Customer.

But here’s a really egregious example of shitting on your customers. The last two banks in Alnwick, Northumberland, namely Lloyds and Halifax, will close next year. So it’ll be stand in the Post Office queue for half an hour or travel 20 miles if you want face-to-face banking in a town with a population of 8,000, many of whom are retired and would not feel safe banking online. Furthermore, Alnwick serves a large rural hinterland with no other banks.

I must declare a personal interest here as I use both branches on occasions and my grandfather was manager of Lloyds in Alnwick. What really annoys me though is that Halifax is a subsidiary of Lloyds. So why not close one (they’re next door to each other) and offer to switch accounts to the one kept open? That way they’d keep people happy and probably retain their business. As the last bank in the town they might even gain some accounts from other banks – Barclays closed their branch just last year for example.

But no, they’re both going, sacrificed on the altar of the cashless society and the bottom line. The Banks won’t be satisfied until they’ve closed every branch in the country and those that rule us can then usher in the digital currency they desire and give themselves total control over our lives.

Fuck off Lloyds Banking Group, you cunts.

Chronicle Live

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

As an example, for a mere £8,581.62 you can snap up this bargain …

Amazon

I`m afraid I could not do justice to the description of the above item in the link, so I leave it to the sellers themselves. Here is the genuine unabridged copy …

About this item
Prism material: rubber + optical glass+metal;magnification:25-75X;Size:615*90mm;Specification:20-75*60;exit pupil distance:53MM;exit pupil diameter:2.6MM;
Function: portable, durable, good light transmission high definition;
all-optical glass lens full surface multi-layer broadband coating the image is not distorted and not distorted the viewing is pleasing to the eye the lens is super strong Light transmittance and concentrating function make it visible in low light.
Features: ultra-clear focus in the field of view; lightweight pocket-sized binoculars for birdwatching nature viewing, stargazing, show concert or other outdoor activities enjoyed by adults or children
Applicable environment: Stargazing, bird-watching, hunting, nature viewing, outdoor activities, mountaineering, tourism.，

1. The refractor has a strong focal length， a large field of view， and a strong resolution. Multilayer optical coating Refractive optical system high light transmittance， and enhanced image brightness and clarity. Aluminium tripod

2. It is very suitable for astrometric work， and it performs well in observing the moon， planets， and binary stars. Easy to observe the ground view， very suitable for enlarged photography of the moon and planets

3. The telescope is suitable for beginners or children. It is easy to install and observe for beginners. It will encourage children to like learning space， get close to nature and stay away from electronic products. And provide a wonderful holiday or birthday gift idea for children who like science and astronomy.

4. The telescope provides our customers with a 24-month warranty. If you have any questions about quality after receiving this space telescope， please contact us for the first time. We provide a high standard of 24/7 customer service， and will do our best to solve it for you until you are satisfied.

Sadly, no reviews for the product, although the seller has attracted one notable rating …

Seller Rating

So what are you waiting for? Get buying !!!

AP News

The Standard

Nominated by: Sam Beau 

Mark Drakefuck is a complete cunt,

This useless cock womble is defending one of his many bad decisions, this one in particular is the one that has made this wizened, dusty old fuck the most hated man in Wales.

20mph speed limits, what the fuck did he expect, now that rather than being given his marching orders by the voters, he has decided to try and slither away like the fucking trouser snake he is.

How do these retards find themselves in potions where they can make important decisions, Drakefuck should be sat by the sunny window with his Crayola collection and a colouring book, bet the useless oxygen thief couldn’t even stay inside the lines.
Good riddence I say, the fuck knuckle won’t be missed, fuck off and stay retired….

BBC News

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

However in the interests of balance, here’s an uncunting for Drakeford courtesy of Sam Beau

BBC News

I have had the misfortune to visit local A&E over the last few years (through no fault of my own), and this is absolutely the case. Scratters and scrotes treat hospitals as their personal B&Bs

That`s it.

(Yes, this was intentionally scheduled in time for brekkie, hahaha! – Day Admin)

Ah, those simple pleasures in life; a succulent steak, a good sleep, a fine wine, a leisurely piss, a vigorous, deeply satisfying shag. And let’s not forget that daily commune with nature, involving a comfortable, rewarding sit in the bathroom with a companiable novel for company.

Except that for the last few days, my daily commune has been anything but comfortable or rewarding, due to a bad case of the lincoln log. Indeed, my bathroom visits became increasingly stressful as I struggled for relief; even when I did manage to squeeze out a portion it was like shitting out a lump of coal. It’s bloody miserable and no mistake when you feel that you need the assistance of a stick or a chisel to accomplish your aim.

Luckily release finally came due to the good offices of our GP, who prescribed something called ‘Ispaghula Husk’, a natural remedy prepared in the form of powder which is taken in water.

Oh, the sheer bliss when after two or three of these drinks, normal service began to be resumed. Talk about a load of my mind. I’ll be keeping this magical remedy in
hand in future to make sure that I won’t be faecally challenged again any time soon.

Constipation is a real cunt. Take my advice cunters, don’t let it get you in its grip.

NHS

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Hands up all those Cunters who thought Woke was a form of derangement unique to the Anglophone world. Not so, and here’s the Spanish Government of Pedro Sánchez to prove otherwise.

In the interests of eliminating inequality between the sexes, amoeba-brained lefty Pedro has given female soldiers better terms and conditions than their male counterparts, thereby cementing inequality into law. Brilliant. Furthermore, anyone aged 16 or over can now change sex without medical or psychological assessment in Spain. All very right-on and progressive. Jacinda and Justin must be glowing with admiration.

But as always, up pops the Real World to mess with the Wacky World of Woke. Step forward Corporal Roberto Perdigones of the Spanish Army (be fair Cunters, at least he’s not an Austrian Corporal). Along with 40 male colleagues, the Corporal now claims he’s a bit of skirt and as a result has bagged himself a higher salary, a better pension and a single room with en suite. No mixing with the hoi polloi for Senorita Roberto. You will be unsurprised to know, however, that this remarkable change of a Y chromosome into an X involved no surgical intervention. The bearded Roberto has simply grown his hair longer, wears earrings and calls himself a lesbian.

To me this is reminiscent of the Empress Krankie’s brilliant gender self-ID law which led to false transitioning by serial rapists so they would be imprisoned with hundreds of women. What could possibly go wrong with that? It is truly amazing how an outcome blindingly predictable to anyone with a functioning brain cell and a vague acquaintance with human nature could be unforeseen by ‘progressive’ left-wing imbeciles. Or is it just a case of ideology trumps common sense?

Anyway, hats off to the Corporal for taking the piss and showing up his own Government for the joke it has become. You’ve got to admit it – he’s got balls.

New York Post

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt