MONTY DON

Is a cunt.

I hardly ever watch the I’m-so-triggered-that’s-really-problematic contemptible safe-spacery that is al-BBC-eera any longer. Yet whenever it turn in on, without fail I encounter this self-regarding, effeminate spunk-trumpet.

Possessing stratospheric levels of narcissism despite having a face like a derby winner, it doesnt take this limp-wristed, wine-quaffing ponce long to get over his fashionable episodes of depression and start spending the taxpayer’s money on business class jollies to the South of France so he can wank over a privet hedge for half an hour.

So far in the closet he’s having afternoon tea with Mr.Tumnus, he is another half-witted,simpering star in the constellation of lamentable players of the pink trombone who infect our screens.

Nominated by Ted O’Noggis

Clodagh McKenna is my nomination, and what a cunt she is.

Ever heard of her? Nope, neither had I until this morning when I woke from my slumber to find my missus watching Sunday Brunch, which for the record is a load of bollocks in itself.

Mckenna is a narcissistic, attention seeking, extroverted harpy, who, rather than sticking to cooking, that of which she is on the show to do, decided to spend the entire duration of her air time trying to be as annoying as possible.
I wasn’t alone in my loathing, I had a gander on SB’s Twatter page to find tons of people in disapproval of this fucking wench. Unsurprisingly, there were just as many, if not more, who thought her mad-as-a-box-frogs approach was “mental” and “funny” – these people, like Mckenna deserve to have their stupid faces caved in with a piece of heavy mining equipment.

Nominated by Lord Cuntony

Can we please bring the cuntfullness down on Ex Prime Ministers. These cunts did fuck all when in power, but now the cunts believe they have an opinion that anything other than a fucking lobotomised amoeba would give a fuck about.

Just seen John Major giving his pearls of wisdom about Brexit, then you have old fucking cyclops Gordon Brown who was to politics what Sooty was to fisting.

Oh, and let’s not overlook and under cunt the prick that is known as Tony Cunt² Blair, who, for whatever reason still believes he is entitled to oxygen.

Surely to fuck, with over 66 million people in The UK at the moment, you would think we could find some cunt to lead the country who is not devoid of the basics in life, like shitting unaided.

They need to go to a place where they can all live in their happy little pond life brains – maybe something like Cunstantinople

Nominated by DryItchyCunt

I would like to nominate indolent immigration officers for a cunting. If you’ve travelled extensively I’m sure you will have come across the species I refer to. It’s a hot, sweaty climate. You’re tired and jet-lagged and you have the misfortune to choose the wrong queue at immigration. Whilst travellers in adjacent queues are processed quickly and efficiently your queue hardly moves.. Must be some arsehole with no visa or expired passport you think and crane your neck to see the problem. There’s a middle-aged lady being given the third degree by the immigration officer. She hasn’t got a long black beard and isn’t wearing a bed sheet. She doesn’t appear to be confused and doddery. After 5 minutes you hear the “thunk” of the visa stamped into her passport and think great, things will start moving now. Wrong! It takes the immigration officer another 5 minutes to process the next person – a young student with a backpack which the immigration cunt is laboriously rifling through? It takes him 5 minutes to process the next person – an elderly man whom the cunt requires to produce a hotel booking form and return flight ticket. Same lethargic and indolent treatment of every person in the queue. Thunk. So I start counting and find that for every one person the cunt processes the officers either side of him process five. Now I recognize immigration officers perform an important function and have procedures that must be followed. I have no problems with that. I also recognize that entering some countries can be very trying of your patience – ever been to Saudi? But this was a country that always brags about its cleanliness and efficiency. Yes, Singapore. Woodlands border control point to be precise. When I finally got to stand in front of this piece of shit he wanted me to recite and prove all the information that was on the immigration entry form in front of him. So I said “call your senior officer here now” Thunk. No says I. You are a lazy pompous arse behaving like a little dictator. Call your senior officer, I’m not moving. Cunt seizes my passport and telephones his boss. He knows I have a bus connection to catch and will now miss it so he smiles like the smug bastard he is. Inspector takes me upstairs to office. I relate my complaint about cunt’s attitude and say watch the CCTV coverage and you’ll see what I mean. Inspector does so. Calls the smug bastard off his desk. Takes me down to bus stop and ensures I get free bus ride into city. Apologises for the cunt as I leave. So don’t be harassed and bullied by little immigration officer cunts like Sgt(2) Ooi Jing Beng of the Singapore Immigration Control Authority, Woodlands checkpoint. Fuck off cunt.

Nominated by Fimbriations

Lucy Worsley is a cunt….

Apart from being a BBC cunt, Worsley is as annoying as fuck and a totally narcissistic twat…

Her latest series ‘America’s Biggest Fibs’ has her yet again poncing around in various costumes and wigs… She’s like the horrible ‘Look at me!’ kid everyone had in their class at school… I’ve no problem with (good) actors and actresses who wear stuff like that for dramatic purposes, but a fucking presenter and alleged ‘historian’?! Do fuck off….

I’m also all for a decent history programme, but this irritating and smug show off cunt isn’t that either… Fuck off, you dressing up big headed dizzy cunt…

Nominated by Norman