Current day comedians are cunts. Almost without exception.

PC, woke, lefty and above all unfunny. Watch (if you don’t want to laugh) Live at the Apollo. Dykes, Brexit-baiters, Effniks, Woke Wimmin, Pansies. Laugh? I thought I’d never start. And I didn’t. Yet the audience (snowflake/millennials) go wild, after a short pause to stare at each other to check “hey hope it’s ok to giggle at this joke”. In Norfolk we have a saying “they’d laugh to see a pudding crawl”. Sums the fuckwits up nicely.

Back in the day I was a bit contemptuous of the likes of Cannon and Ball and Little and Large (RIP) but they seem like comedy giants compared to this lot. They didn’t try to make political points, just to make people laugh. And how we could do with that now. Humour got us through the war but I don’t think many of this lot are even on our side. They are vapid piss-takers.

Nish Kumar, Russell “bossed eyed” Howard, Dara O’nobrain, Sarah “foul-mouth” Millican, The Effnik bloke who does ranganation and the frog-eyed gimp who is hanging about with him now. Can’t be bothered to look up their names. Need I go on?

I do have some regard for Lee Mack. I enjoy his sitcom and Hugh Dennis when he’s on it but not when he does Fuck the Week. The improvisations are embarrassing.

Comedy is in a state of terminal decline killed by utter cunts.

I thank you.

Nominated by Lord Helpuss

Attention cunters. 

As many of you may have noticed, the site has grown quite a lot over the last year or so with several new faces joining. Whilst this is, of course, brilliant, it does mean that there are now not enough admins to cover the sheer volume of nominations coming in on a weekly basis. As such, we are looking for more cunters to put their names forward to volunteer and help share the workload. If you have the time to spare and are interested simply send an email to the head admin on the contact form. Thank you and carry on cunting. 

Overly Prescriptive Cunts

One side effect of these challenging times(TM) is that silly bastards are posting even more rubbish on social media along the lines of “THIS is how you make a cup of tea”.

No, it’s how you like it. If I like mine differently it doesn’t make me inferior. It means we don’t like the same tea.

Bacon sandwiches seem to attract extreme levels of this nonsense, be it the “correct” nomenclature – butty, sarnie etc -, or the “right” sauce, which always seems to be brown, not “red”. Because “tomato” is such an absurdly long word. Do they call mayonnaise “white sauce”?

There will normally be some parochial North / South, Yorkshire / Lancashire, village A / village B bollocks as well.

Just grow up you stupid cunts.

Nominated by Guardian Hater

A nomination for the putrid far-left dirty buttholes currently occupying approximately 6 blocks of downtown Seattle, USA, in the ‘Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone’. Essentially, the police have abandoned the area, temporarily, and lots of self-hating white and BLM dregs have set up camp. An established commune of cunts.

To be honest though, I’m not sure if I want to nominate this for a cunting. On the one hand the actual tax paying residents of the area are now effectively living in downtown Somaliland where they are having to deal with a total lack of law and order. Local businesses being hustled for protection money, crackheads, armed warlords (yes), and the general stench of one giant open air cesspit. On the other hand, as unfortunate as this is for the residents, this unfolding scenario has to be hands down the funniest shit I have seen in a long time and I just wanted to share the joy of this far-left social experiment so you can follow along.

On annexing several city blocks for themselves, the first thing this bunch of radical toe-clippings decided to do was.. create a border wall. Of course no dumpster walled state would be complete without of course, an immigration policy – seriously, God, thank you, this shit is comedy gold! Chaz, founded on total hypocrisy, and given the great unwashed sphincter of approval by these absolute morons. But it gets better..

On establishing their little turd pile these big brain revolutionaries realized that, having ‘attended’ all the local shops already and being away from the parental home, they now require supplies. First demands on the list are clothes, ice, and cigarettes. Near the bottom of the list, body wash. Realizing the dire lack of food, vegan pizzas were ordered to the site and word put out about the need for vegan meat substitute products. To their credit they had the foresight to start up a farming initiative for food security. So far the farm consists of one circle of dirt pilled to about an inch over cardboard on grass. They’ve also segregated it for blacks and indigenous people only. The inevitable famine and race-food-riots during next year’s harvest will be glorious.

There’s just too much to mention. Other highlights include: asking the whites to donate $10 in reparations to the blacks, being allowed to take over city hall, putting a Christian street preacher in a stranglehold, making demands to the city.

I can’t wait for the authorities to move in and stomp this lot into the dirt. I’m willing to pay to watch it live.

Nominated by: The Big Chunky Cunty