Alexa [4]


Alexa (and kids crying to mummy due to it)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-57680173

Apparently the handful of lasses (may be some lads too, you never know these days) called Alexa are getting howwible jibes in the school play ground, things such as being told “Alexa, dance” etc. Didd fucking ums.

In my day there wasnt a kid in school who didnt get the pleasure of being chased, kicked, harrassed and called every name under the sun. You just tell them to fuck off and smash them in the bollocks.

Its called growing up.

Complaining about a fucking voice activated computer bitch.

Fuck off.

(Commentary on the stupidity of voice activation devices in general are welcome – NA)

Nominated by: GeneralZod

Bill Cosby

Surprisingly not blind anymore. Funny that.

Bill Cosby’s CV

Name: Bill Cosby.

Profession: Entertainer and comedian.

Education: GCSEs in English, Maths, Chemistry, Biology.

Hobbies: Reading, gardening, hiking, drugging white women then sexually abusing them.

Films/TV: The Cosby Show, I Spy, Fat Albert, plenty of home videos.

Skills: Sweeping, serving food, making jokes about white people, spiking drinks.

Other Experience: Wriggling out of punishment due to an unprofessional criminal-justice system who woefully cut corners, refusing counselling for hideous crimes, being a cunt.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

Stephanie Davis

 

What an odd pose..

A special soap award for over-acting and melodrama please to this over-excited trollop of an actress

She is pain, pour soul “having tested positive for Covid”:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tv/15463811/hollyoaks-stephanie-davis-hospital-ambulance-oxygen-pain/

I think she is a bit of a drama queen or even a liar. IF you felt so ill, and with breathig problems, would you rush to social media to describe it to all your “fans”?.

I think not. Moreover, I doubt the hospital authorities would allow her to continue in her transmission, if she were in any danger. As it is, she is a misery to herself and a burden to the staff having to treat her between scenes.

This young woman appears on a serial called Hollyoaks, which goes out every evening. It is so shit, even Mrs. Boggs doesn’t watch it (about the only example of good taste she has displayed in 58 years of marriage!).

According to Mrs. B, however, who knows everything to do with soap opera TV, Davies had been sacked from her little show for being as pissed as a fart on a recording day, when her miniscule talent was needed for dramatic effect.

I just hope she doesn’t contract the shits while she is in hospital, no doubt she will, if she does, give a “running” commentary live from the commode (she will doubtless be too weak to make the lavatory).

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

Harry & Meghan (13)

We’ll run out of images of these two, when they stop doing interviews.

THE MARKLES; an everyday story of cunty folk

The story so far; from the seclusion and privacy of her palatial Californian home, the Duchess of Netflix continues to rage against unflattering coverage in the British press: now read on

“Sue them! Sue those Goddamn shits ta hell!” shrieked Meagain, as she stomped furiously across the room. “Whadd’ya mean, we ain’t got a case? Yer a lawyer, ain’t ya? Find one! What in tarnation am ah payin’ yer fer?”. Stamping her foot angrily, the Mistress of Malice hurled her phone against the wall. “Goddamn bas-turd lawyers!” she snarled, before pausing to massage the vein throbbing meanacingly in her forehead.

There was a rustle of movement as Harry the Half-blood Prince crept from his hiding place behind the sofa. “Er, I say old thing” he whimpered. “Is, er, everything alright?”.

“Alright? Course it ain’t, ya haffwit! Ain’t ya seen what those bas-turds ah callin’ us? Looky here! ‘Dumb and Dumber’, thet’s what, cos we turned down the title ‘Earl a’ Dum-burr-tahn’ fer Archie, account of it contains the word ‘dumb’. Fuckin’ assholes!”.

“It’s *cough* pronounced ‘Dum-bar-ton’, my sweetness”, mumbled the Duke of Despondency nervously, then added hopefully “mmm I say sugerlump, is there any chance that you could, you know, save those words like ‘fuck and asshole’ for later, before bye-bye time…”.

“Jesus H Chraast, ya moron”, screamed the Princess of Perfidy, “cain’t ya think with sumthin’ other than yer dick?”. Her thin hips twisting into a snarl, she yelled “see here how they’re laffin’ at ya fer puttin’ ya last name as ‘HRH’ an’ ya first name as ‘The Dook a’ Sussex’ on Lilabet’s birth certificate. They’re makin’ a laffin’ stock out of us”.

A furrow slowly formed across the Duke of Dunces’ forehead as he struggled to grasp the problem. “I say, that ain’t cricket, don’cha jolly well know” he piped up. “What did they expect me to put, plain old Henry Charles Albert David Windsor? Besides which, Americans love all that ‘HRH’ stuff”, he added huffily.

“Ah tell ya Harry” thundered the Duchess of Darkness malevolently, “there’s gonna be some changes when ah’m president in a couple a years… WHAT??” she yelled in response to a timid tap on the door.

” *a-hum* excuse me Ma’m” squeaked a faint, tremulous voice, a flunky shuffling fearfully in. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but I wondered, if it’s not too much trouble, whether you could possibly lower your voice a teeny bit? It’s threatening to wake the baby up…”.

The eyes of the Princess of Purgatory swivelled, focussing on the hapless target like white-hot lasers. “How DARE ya come in here without curtseying!” she bawled at her shaking victim. “And you are to address me at all times as ‘Your Grace’. Now get outta here!. Landsakes, Harry”, she stormed as the shivering figure crept away. “Ya jest cain’t get decent help these days! Ah’ll fire her in th’ mornin’ fer sure. Say, you even listenin’ ta me now?”.

“Er, sozzers, dearest”, said Halfwit, with a sob of relief. “Here’s the chauffeur to drive me to the airport. Got to get to London for the unveiling of Mamma dearest’s statue, what? Must fly!”.

As the door slammed behind the hapless Prince, the Duchess of Duplicity sank on to the sofa, her head in her hands. Picking up her phone, she jabbed furiously at the lawyer’s number once more. “That Haddaway an’ Shyte?” she hissed viciously. “Lissen up. Ah wanna know whether ‘mental inadequacy’ is grounds fer divorce in California…”.

To be continued.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Additional post by – Dark key cunt 

The Sussexes (again).

They’ve been awarded some gong for publicly stating that they will be limiting their family to two children.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/royalty/20210710117213/prince-harry-meghan-markle-granted-award-limited-family/

I spout the fucking obvious all the time but I don’t have any awards for it. I’m a hell of a lot more sensible than the ginger whinger and his witch but no-one sees fit to give me a pat on the back, let along a gong.

The attention-seeking of these two cunts and the even thicker cunts that believe how important they are is sickening.

Fuck ’em all!

And again by – Duke of Cuntshire

What have the Halfwit-Hewitts been up to this time?
It seems that they have been given an award for limiting their family to two children.

https://www.itv.com/news/2021-07-10/harry-and-meghan-given-charity-award-for-limiting-their-family-to-two-children

I imagine that it’s more to do with drawing attention to the “charity”, Population Matters, who issued the award, rather than a genuine acknowledgement of something worthwhile.

In the link above it states that; “Prince Harry mentioned his intention to have no more than two children during a talk with chimpanzee expert Dr Jane Goodall in Vogue magazine in 2019”.

You couldn’t make this shit up.

And still yet more by – Komodo

I may well not be the first to cunt this particularly glorious story. Which is about Meagain and Hairy – which glorious story isn’t? It starts here:

Population Matters says its campaign to limit families is designed to achieve a ‘sustainable population’, despite their agenda’s similarities to Communist China’s notorious one child policy.

No complaints so far. There are far too many people on the planet, and the struggle for resources is getting bloodier by the day, to name but one consequence of this. But….

Population Matters – a UK based charidee) – has awarded the Duke and Duchess of Woke their Special Award (ie created for the purpose) for not having more than two children.

Note that these two professional parasites live in the absolute lap of resource-squandering luxury in California, where the average number of children per family is less than 1.9. Wow. What a sacrifice! And will they give it back when the rubber rips next time? Remember, Black Lives Matter – even quadroon lives matter a little bit – and she’d have to keep a byblow. Perhaps.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9775283/Meghan-Markle-Prince-Harry-charity-award-making-enlightened-decision-two-kids.html?ci=298549&si=22139308&ai=9775283

All right, any measure tending to reduce the number of gratuitously privileged cunts dangling from the Windsor family tree can’t be bad, but, even so, this ranks with Save the Children’s 2015 award to the megacunt Blair…

https://charitywatchuk.wordpress.com/2014/11/25/save-the-children-blair/

…as blatant arselickery and fawning to the most sanctimonious shitstirring woke cunts imaginable.

They should have given the award to me. I have no children at all, and am in no danger of having any.

Thus concludes another exciting week of the adventures of Harry & Meghan. Will they manage a week without being nominated several times? Well I’m not Mystic Meg, but it seems unlikely.

SAGE (2)

 

Unlike SAGE this is actually useful, try it in a nice pasta dish.

A cunting for Callum Semple of the SAGE and Onion Communist Party Poopers.

Simple Semple now wants to add the following symptoms to the Corony list:

Fatigue: Hard day at work? Too much wanking? Lazy fucker?

Sore throat: Ho’s doing deepthroat overtime?

Headache: Hangover? Wives not wanting to service their husbands? Husbands being nagged by their wives? Wimminz, any one of a thousand reasons, no reason given or needed.

Diarrhoea: 8 pints of Guinness followed by a Vindaloo? Dodgy Doner kebab with or without 8 pints?

Simple Semple thinks they can ‘discover’ upto a third more cases with these added symptoms. Really? With that vague list, obviously they could , IF mugs keep testing themselves.

Looking on the bright side, it will give the cattle cowering behind the sofa something to look forward to, as they wait for the postie’s twice weekly visit with their free test kits.

Digressing slightly, why is it these free home kits we are all entitled to (lucky us) twice weekly can earn us 14 days house arrest but aren’t good enough for a trip to Boremolinos or Shag-aloof?

Instead, we have to fork out 150-200 quid a pop for private ones, multiple times, for a weekend or two weeks sun? What a fucking till ringing scam for Wanksock’s chosen mates.

Finally, the curtain on this pantomime is never going to come down if cattle keep compliantly marching to the abattoir. Where is Corony? Look… He’s behind you!!

Well, Simple Semple of the Paxo SAGE and Onion Party……..get stuffed!

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/uk-news/four-extra-covid-symptoms-professor-20943943

Nominated by: Cunt Two Three