Category Archives: Paralympics

The Paralympics [2]

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The Paralympics is a cunt because there’s no decent events. Someone mentioned on here the thalidomide javelin contest. The morbidly obese high diving would have been a good event too and I’ve always fancied seeing Tourette’s Weight Lifting having thrown out a random “BASTARD!” and “CUNT!” meself when lifting heavy objects such as the odd piano. I’m cheerfully spaggy as well now with a lame foot, progressive deafness and cataracts not to mention other shit. Having bronchiectasis, I fancied competing in the blow football competition should it have been an event. I can hear the commentary: “There’s some phlegm on the pitch, they think it’s all over…..cough splat!”

Nominated by: Alan Fistula

I can admire some of the events in the paralympics like armless archery, wheelchair basketball, or legless sprinting but some of it I just don’t get. How does having a missing hand impair bike riding or being a dwarf stop you swimming?

Which brings me on to Ellie Simmonds. There’s something about her overbearing arrogance that just gets right up my hooter!

Mind you, if there was a dwarf throwing contest with her as the dwarf, I’d pay to watch that…

Nominated by: Dioclese

Paralympic Rules

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The rules of the Paralympic Summer Games.

There are a number of little-known rules that are very rarely known by paralympic athletes:

*In the finale of the men’s 100m, the lane on which a competitor runs legally becomes the territory of his nation.

*In the Javelin, the use of actual javelins is not required. For example, during the 1974 Games, a Canadian paralympic athlete with no arms used a bow and arrow.

*It is legal and encouraged to use leg or arm attached spring pogo blades.

*Any disabled baby born inside the main stadium during the course of the Games gains diplomatic immunity.

*In case of a death during an event, the late paralympic athlete’s nation gets double points.

*If, during a contest (such as weight-lifting) a competitor dislocates a major joint, “no attempt shall be made to mask or in any way hinder the audience’s viewing of the injury”.

*Anyone under 16 is allowed to take part in the Paralympic Games if he/she is Russian.

*The UK is not allowed to win the overall medals tally, as nothing but complete failure will please the rest of the world. (This rule was abolished in 2012 for the London Paralympics).

*The Paralympic Sports can only be televised on the BBC if the British are good at it.

Nominated by: Entopy

The Paralympics

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If you are physically crippled, and you know you’re good enough, then there is nothing stopping you competing in sports against the able bodied. A triple heart bypassed black Kenya African athlete would most likely whoop the arse of, and still win against, a super fit white English long distance runner. A one arm Russian high jumper might still win the event against all two arms’ high jumpers.

And if you are a wheel chaired or other crippled sporty person and can’t compete with the able bodied athlete – get over it! You’re not good enough to compete with the fittest you whinging cunts. You are given equality under the law to compete with the fittest in any Olympic event if you want or can. But you want ‘special treatment’ to have your own Olympics at tax payer or fit peoples expense. Well nothing is stopping you finding your own private sponsors or paying for your own crippled contestant team sports – so fuck off and do just that.

Only don’t call it Olympics, you spastic cunts.

Nominated by: Entopy