The Paralympics [2]


The Paralympics is a cunt because there’s no decent events. Someone mentioned on here the thalidomide javelin contest. The morbidly obese high diving would have been a good event too and I’ve always fancied seeing Tourette’s Weight Lifting having thrown out a random “BASTARD!” and “CUNT!” meself when lifting heavy objects such as the odd piano. I’m cheerfully spaggy as well now with a lame foot, progressive deafness and cataracts not to mention other shit. Having bronchiectasis, I fancied competing in the blow football competition should it have been an event. I can hear the commentary: “There’s some phlegm on the pitch, they think it’s all over…..cough splat!”

Nominated by: Alan Fistula

I can admire some of the events in the paralympics like armless archery, wheelchair basketball, or legless sprinting but some of it I just don’t get. How does having a missing hand impair bike riding or being a dwarf stop you swimming?

Which brings me on to Ellie Simmonds. There’s something about her overbearing arrogance that just gets right up my hooter!

Mind you, if there was a dwarf throwing contest with her as the dwarf, I’d pay to watch that…

Nominated by: Dioclese

61 thoughts on “The Paralympics [2]

  1. I haven’t watched one moment of it, and neither will I.

    I don’t know one cunt who even interested in it. I fucking hated the proper Olympics let alone one with spackers in.

    The whole fucking world has gone mad with this equality thing and the ultimate irony is where it’s taking place, Brazil, a country that treats all retards and cripples like utter shite.

    Jesus Godblasting cunts the lot of them though as above, I would watch dwarf tossing.

  2. Clear message is if you’re an elite athlete everyone will fall over themselves to fund you and make sure you get trinkets. If you have a disability you are special and everyone will fall over themselves to find you.

    If you are mr or mrs average doing your best to get rhough each month by working in a job you hate and paying extortionate rent or mortgage plus council tax you best know your fucking place.

    • I have a few problems that make my life difficult, physical and mental I would love to stagger onto this gravy train. Can any of you fine cunters come up with a sport that a semi crippled manic depressive with PTSD would be suited to. Note before suggesting; firearms and sharp objects may pose a problem and also some flammable substances. I do not like swimming either so that rules out aquatic sports though my brother did suggest under water volleyball because he is finding me hard work at present. I was a very good rifle and pistol shot and did a fair amount of skeet shooting. However that was then, before everything went blank.
      So what would suit me? How can I get my paws on some of this funding? Thank you all and a very good night.

      • Sorry to hear of your problems. Maybe you could do with a shot of adrenalin, that always perks me up. Perhaps some kind of motor sport or winter sport might suit. Have you thought about scuba diving? It doesn’t really matter if you cant swim, I have seen complete spackers diving.

      • I thought about suggesting bungee-jumping as a new Special Olympic sport.
        They could call it Spastic on Elastic.

      • Become a specialist sports writer, you can construct a paragraph better than most of the so called professionals the BBC throws money at.

      • Thank you good sir for your time and trouble and the other fine folk who responded to my cri de cour.
        You have given me something to think about and a small light glows far away in the distance. Thank you again. May all your cuntings be recognised as masterpieces of insigthtful intuition etc. However no white tracksuit bottoms if I elect “spastic on elastic” option. Some of those youtube videos, how can they show their face again!

  3. In the bars where i live there is a cunt in a local band on acoustic guitar, who happens to be in a wheelchair. Just coz he’s got spaghetti legs it doesn’t hinder him from playing guitar but he’s billed as some sort of superman .i can’t play anything but i can still get up out my seat and walk out the bar when he laps it up ….and i can wipe my own arose.. Is he a cunt?,he’s wheely a cunt.

  4. We just won our 60th gold medal.
    What a fucking joke.
    The media are on about crowning Sarah storey as our greatest ever sports person.
    She has a slightly small hand and competes against spastics.
    Shouldn’t be allowed.

    Stick her in the main draw and see how she does.

    Country is fucked

    • I’ve been wondering how they gauge the levels of mongness for this pile of it like 1-3 bit fucked,4-6 fucked,7-10 super duper mega fucked?

      • Well they have about 8 different classes of spasticness for each event.
        That’s why so many medals.

        The whole thing is ridiculous.

    • Yes Sarah Storey gets on my tits too. Firstly she has a “Beadle Hand” wow! Secondly she did used to compete against non raspberries so how the fuck does that work then?

      Also there was a swimmer raspberry who kept on getting knocked into 2nd so had herself reclassified as being a bit more raspberry – basically so she could win. Er, isn’t that cheating? Anyway it was all for nowt as an Aussie lass won it! HAH!

      I would also like to nominate the misuse of the word “special”. A lad I used to work with from Aberdeen had it banged to rights: “Mah cousin Johnny is a spastic but you can’t say that, no, wee Johnny is’nae a spastic, he just has ‘spehhhhhhhcial’ legs!”

      From that point onwards the term “special” was used to describe someone or a piece of work that was shit.

      But when you say it in a condescending manner please use the procrastinated form: “spehhhhhhhcial”.

  5. “A 24-year-old transgender soldier has become the first woman to serve on the front line with the British Army.

    Chloe Allen, from Cumbria, joined the Scots Guards as a man in 2012 but began hormone therapy in the last month, and has officially changed her name.

    The Army said it was delighted to have its first woman in a close-combat role.”

    I guess bullets and IED’s give not one fuck what gender you think you are.

    • I thought it was normal for trannies to join the Scots Guards, they all wear skirts don’t they? I think Eddie Izzard wanted to join but even the Scots Guards aren’t puffy enough to wear pink berries.

    • Great idea, a battalion of Claire Balding lookalikes would put the shits up any fucker.Cant imagine any enemy squaddie wanting to flush out their foxholes.

    • I was waiting for that particular cunt.

      The British army says they are so proud of “her” and hope she is a trailblazer.
      They want more soldiers to turn into transsexuals.
      Wtf. We are an actual fucking joke.
      Why not have done with it and all soldiers be transsexuals.
      It’s obviously what the establishment wants.

    • At least the cunt beat the “peaceful” fuckers from turning him into a jaffa with an IED.

    • This shit is all very well, and the spechhhhial cunts who make up the civil service, educational sector, Labour party and media in the country are welcome to froth at the gash about it. However, the day will come when we have some lass, or the next best thing, sat there on camera begging, and our peaceful friends will have at it. It will cause riots, if not a civil war. Now, the above sectors comprise the nexus of cowardice in our society, but you can’t conscientiously object, or have reserved occupations, during internal civil unrest, so they may want to consider their next move on this subject.

  6. We have the Special Olympics up next. If it wasn’t already embarrassing enough to see spackers attempting sport we now have to endure the mongs as well. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing but sympathy and respect for spackers and mongs but why do I have to watch them showing themselves up and if I don’t like it I’m the cunt?

    If these cunts want equality why not just have the Olympics full fucking stop. Don’t even have women’s events. Just straight forward running and jumping and throwing stuff and then we would see who was the best. And while we are at it let them have as many drugs as they like.

    Oscar Pistorius was a square go fellow. OK he did top his girlfriend and showed himself up by crying like a fucking bairn in court but at least he competed in the Olympics proper, not some special spacker Olympics.

    • Blades are known to give an advantage,
      You can buy blades for normal people with full legs/feet and you can run over 30% faster in them (up to 25mph)
      it’s like me racing Usain Bolt on a motorbike 🙂

      • Interestingly Boaby, I saw that Usain Bolt has just passed his motorbike test in London, so you’re fucked. Talking of driving, I’d like to cunt all those tossers who drive over the white line on blind bends then get annoyed when you give them the forks, the single finger or shout “Get over the fucking road ya useless cunt”. These cunts should learn to drive properly. I blame the teachers, the Labour party and the Guardian who are all cunts.

  7. “I have nothing but sympathy and respect for spackers and mongs”

    I don’t know which of us is the bigger cunt, you for saying it or me for laughing till I choked……..

  8. Dwarves are creepy little fuckers,Andy Hamilton, Warwick Davies,Ellie Simmons,Tattoo… you wouldn’t trust any of the stunted fuckers. I’d put them all to work as kiddie-fiddler curers. Even the most depraved Operation Yewtree candidate would be cured of his desire for “little” people if he had to interfere with one of those cunts.
    Mind, thinking about it,I’d have a crack at that Ellie Simmons.My cock would look massive in her mouth.
    Perhaps my work plan for the cunts isn’t too good an idea after all.

    • Dick, am I wrong but isn’t dwarf tossing available on Xhamster? Just thought you’d be the guy to ask.

      • All manner of delights are available. Unfortunately since I took to sending them my home-made videos, I’ve been banned.
        Apparently the sight of me blacked-up as Diane Abbott skullfucking a pig in a David Cameron mask with a strap-on was not only enough to make Jimmy Saville physically sick,it was RACIST!!!
        I am now no longer allowed to visit the wonderful world of Xhamster,and have to make do with having a wank to Garden Rescue with Charlie Dimmock.

      • If I watched her pushing a wheelbarrow over cobblestones once I watched it a thousand times and I still don’t know a clematis from a clitoris.

  9. I just cant watch it as it freaks me out. I watched the opening ceremony and it fucked me up, when they called out the country name and up to 140 limbless,limping,wheelchair bound zombie like humans came out it was like a scene from Resident Evil or Silent Hill with a hint of Twin Peaks, it was stuff of fucking nightmares. They should have a midget only olympics as i would like to see what the world record would be for the high jump and would love to watch the pole vault.

    • Cabbage Patch Doll Olympics.

      Yeah, that could work! The beeb would be all over it. Cunts.

  10. For most of the time the Spazolympics have been on , the BBC News site has rated them above real news and covered their front page in results. As someone said here ,I don’t know anyone who gives a flying fuck.
    Good luck to them , it just doesn’t register with most people because we aren’t disabled and so a half blind dwarf beating a onelegged epileptic doesn’t get the sporting juices racing.
    And I have a suspicion that it’s just a sneaky way to get a gold medal , chop two fingers off, walk and talk a bit weird and you’re coasting to victory in the Three Knuckle Shuffle.
    It means something to them , but it’s not real wanking is it?

    • I actually find the paralypmics more enjoyable then the regular olympics although I hate all olympics! Concerning the BBC where is the IRA when you need them?

  11. The commentators have the hardest job because they have to sound as though they’re interested. I have nothing against disabled people. None of us would want to go through life being disabled, and if they want to train and keep themselves as fit as possible and enjoy competing against each other, that’s fine and I wish them well. But I get irritated when broadcasters talk as though people should be enthusiastic about watching them. People watch sport to see the most able-bodied compete against each other, not to see the least able-bodied trying to compete.

    • They should have a not very good at sport olympics for those of us who are not physically or mentaly wonky but who are just a bit shit on account of not being that bothered.

  12. I can’t believe the people having a go at the Paralympics. You’re out of fucking order.

    Not one fucking person mentions the fact the Last Leg has been on each day for the past 12 days. Not one fucking mention.

    I’m appalled.

  13. How about a massive cunting for those wankers on the “Refugees welcome” march in London today.
    Ask yourselves this question you cunts, who is going to pay for them ? Not you you bunch of cunts as none of you pay tax I wager. Fucking grow up and take a look at the facts: we don’t want them, the infrastructure is not there to support them especially schools and the NHS and where are they going to go ?
    Once you bunch of Tarquins start to pay your own way you will change your minds. At the moment you can afford to be radical cos it ain’t costing you a penny.
    Also the fact that the rentagob Vanessa Redcunt was involved is enough reason for a cunting in itself.

    • Refugees welcome? Who the fuck do these people think they are? Where do they have the right to invite anyone to the UK? Piss boiling.

  14. In other news:

    “School careers officers could suggest prostitution as a line of work for pupils, the Lib Dem conference has heard.

    Dennis Parsons, the chairman of Cheltenham Liberal Democrats, floated the idea at a special session on sex work.

    The Lib Dem said careers officers are not allowed to suggest prostitution, but added: “Why shouldn’t they?”

    Lib Dem leader Tim Farron distanced himself from the remarks, but insisted he would not “slap down” the councillor for making them because people needed to be allowed to say “shocking things”.

    Now I ain’t one of the political class so I maybe don’t have the depth of vision to grasp the big picture. But Dennis you cunt, if after 11 years of your education my son and daughter isn’t able to make a living without prostituting themselves the education system isn’t working and that is the responsibility of the political class.

    Hey how about our kids go on the game when they are 14, 12, 10, how old do you like them Dennis? Isn’t that what you are getting at? Making kids available legally for the establishment nonces?

    Dennis Parsons you should be hanging on the end of a rope you nonce enabling piece of shit and Farron has to go.

      • Fallon is now trying to build an alliance of pro EU parties and get an agreement they only field one candidate at elections. They maybe able to meet in a phone box currently but with Labour determined to be as shit as they possibly can be people will look for an alternative and it could be the LibDems. Fallon would happily work with that Scottish Harpy to undermine Britain even further and keep us in the EU. If they gain political power again then the above becomes relevant.

  15. Would like to nominate ‘ Shit Stand up comedians’ the shit unfunny ones like Gina Yashere (the worst one),Russell ‘cunt eyes’ Howard and Rob ‘Banana split’ Beckett to name but a few. The ones who have no comedy talent at all and just somehow think they are funny cunts. Gina Yashere is a fucking embarrassment to comedy and the unfunny tart says she ‘likes to base her style and was inspired by Richard Pryor’.Yeah right, you can fuck right off with that statement you ugly stale cunt. Audiences are cunts too for laughing at the shit they sprout.

      • Richard Pyor isn’t even that good he just curse’s and says nigga alot. I ve seen his act a few times, I personally don’t care for him… then again not a big comedy fan anyhoo.

        I like some comedians but the current new brass I loathe

      • I think it was about 1979/1980 Richard Pryor used the term “Double Muslim” in his act: “then you have Double Muslims. Them’s the ones you dont want to fuck with-them double muslims. ‘Cause them motherfuckers can’t wait to get to Allah. And they want to take eight or nine motherfuckers with ’em.” He wasn’t wrong at all……

  16. A cunting is required for the “viesgrad four” basically the cunts from the Czech Republic, Hugary, Poland and Slovakia, who want to veto any right of the Brexit deal for people’s rights to work in the UK. Well I say fuck off you cunts, the U.K. Is not some haven you can use as some scheme to shift your unemployment numbers over to the UK. Create jobs in your own countries and stop relying on us to provide jobs, housing, schooling and social infrastructure to compensate for your inability to do provide these. We the UK have been a soft touch up to now for accepting your citizens and providing jobs, housing, schooling etc, Post Brexit it stops. FOR FUCKS SAKE TERSA MAY INVOKE ARTICLE 50 NOW AND RID US OF THESE PARASITES. THE UK SHOULD NOT BE A FUCKING SAFETY NET FOR ALL OF THE PROBLEMS OF THE EU.

    • Saggy Tits May is a known sell out and failure if she doesn’t invoke art. 50 in the next week I’d say all bets are off, but why hasn’t she already?

      Exactly thats my point, she wasn’t on the brexit team to begin with and the things shes saying now is a complete 360 to what she said before brexit.

      • May has always been eurosceptic. She came out in the weakest possible way for remain simply because she wanted to be on the winning side and hence keep her job. Although she does need to stop fucking about and push the big red button sharpish.

      • Thing is most of them don’t work and don’t want to work… They just suck the welfare system dry and get everything on a plate… We have enough of these ‘White wogs’ from behind the Iron Curtain here already… Another high street institution (Woolies, BHS, Lewis’s etc) closes, another English pub is shut down, yet another Lithuanian off licence opens and another Polish minmarket appears… And why don’t the lazy freeloading cunts learn fucking English?!

      • Learning english should be a requirement for being a citizen. Another thing norman is if a white british tried to go on welfare or some kind of assistance he’d have a harder time to get it or stay on.

        More Red tape to go through Also the NHS is basically Anti-working class at this point have you seen the benefits migrants get? Which leads to my next question why is Ian Duncan Smith still breathing fresh air?

  17. I would like to see Ellie Simmonds get spit-roasted by Verne Troyer & Warwick Davis whilst the lanky cunts Richard Osman, Greg Davies & Stephen Merchant shower them with a bukakke from above.

    I can see Channel 5 picking that up as a reality show 🙂

  18. These so-called ‘athletes’ claim to represent disabled people? Lying cunts…
    All these ‘heroes’ from the Spakka-Lympics will now be wedged up from magazine exclusives, advertising deals and BBC presenter jobs… Don’t blame them for taking the cash, but don’t pretend to give a fuck about some poor and genuinely disabled cunt who is being hounded by the government and their hired NHS scabs who do ‘capability assessments’… Will these ‘olympians’ speak out for the disabled? Will they help them out financially? Will they fuck… Cunts…

  19. No interest in this spacker shit nor the “normal” olympic shit…..a mate of mine years ago was into weird porn,remember him saying he had a bongo vid with russian quadruple amputees having sex,it was entitled “Soviet Sandbags”….now that I would love to see

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