Category Archives: Cyclists

Prudential Bike Ride

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The Prudential Bike Ride is an absolute CUNT!

This morning I am meant to be taking the mother in law to the cemetary in Gunnersbury to pay her respects on the anniversary of her husbands death, followed by a visit to her favourite fishmonger, pets at home and B & Q to get some plants to cheer her up.

But no.

Instead I am a prisoner in my own home due to the entirety of West London being gridlocked because a bunch of lycra clad Scania fodder need the A4, the hammersmith flyover, the Cromwell road and the A316 closed off so that they can wiggle their arses at the cunt behind in a procession of maximum cuntishness.

Already had one head on collision on our road where an impatient cunt decided to drive on the wrong side to try and turn right….straight into another car.

Prudential can go and fuck their collective mums with their AIDS riddled micropenises if they think they will ever get my business after this fucking fiasco.

And I hope the cyclists headbutt an oncoming HGV.

FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU, YOU BUNCH OF STD INFECTED VAGINAS!!!

I HOPE YOU ALL DIE SCREAMING!!!

Nominated by: Odins Balls

Cunts on bikes

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If it’s not bad enough having cunts with footballs, now we have cunts on bikes. Literally.

Today we are blessed with the Women’s Tour fucking up our town. It was a pain on the arse last year, and it’s going to be a pain in the arse again this year. Mind you, I might be persuaded to take a gander if they were more like the picture rather than a load of over muscled sporty tarts in lycra. Lycra. On bikes. Never a good look when the bird in question has legs like a weightlifter.

Thankfully I’m on holiday so I’ll miss the whole shooting match. Excellent. Must make a note to go away the same time next year as well!

Nominate by: Dioclese

Cunts on roads

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I would like to nominate people who use roads as leisure and recreation facililties, as Cunts.

Lets start with the Cyclists, not the ones who cycle to go somewhere, but the ones who prefer to cycle alongside other men in equally tight clothing, riding 3 abreast so it makes it difficult to overtake. Newsflash to your wife, he is a closet gay. Then said wife turns up on a news programme whinging you got run over, and demand more action to make the roads safer (gonna come back to that at the end)

Then we have the joggers who jog along country roads, facing the traffic, as they sensibly should, so they can see and get out of the way of oncoming traffic. However, If you just stay in the road regardless of what is coming, you may as well run away from traffic, as is reduces the closing speed, and you won’t see your death coming.

Finally we have horse riders. Why the fuck are you even in the road? Just fuck off into the fields and bridleways, you are the dumbest cunts of the lot.

Roads were built for, and paid from motorists tax, for the safe and expedient access to town and cities. They pretty much contain vehicles that are capable of at least 60mph driven by people who have had the most basic training. So if you think you still want to jog, cycle ride a horse on these roads, don’t fucking whinge if you got scared, injured, lost a loved one, because that is evolution at work, you dumb cunts! Rant over

Nominated by : Angry Motorist

Cyclists [2]

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Cyclists. Not the Joe average out in the woods with the kids for a Sunday afternoon peddling into heart attack country and a plethora of snapped ligaments, but the type called the “club riders” who congregate in packs in the local B&Q car parks like wasps around a discarded ice cream cone, or more aptly, flies around a steaming turd.

Clad in budgie smugglers, gaudy dayglo lycra tops, avacado helmets and rainbow glasses, they look for all the world like a pack of neon-nazis (which they are).

When enough of the pack have assembled, usually around the busiest time on the road, they fly off into the traffic and create a defence formation that Pardew could only dream of. Often five abreast to prevent anyone overtaking them, they will then proceed at a sedate pace creating a build up of pissed off motorists behind them. God help anyone who encounters them on a B road, expect scratches to your paintwork as they undertake you. Cream one of them, whilst trying to avoid driving into a ditch and they will always ensure there are plenty of witnesses to say it was your fault.

Don’t even think of getting out into the countryside to avoid them, guaranteed that a whole hive of them will apppear out of nowhere and force you off the road.

All in all, a bunch of selfish cunts.

Nominated by: Toadspanker

Cyclists

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Cyclists are all cunts – especially the “club rider” cyclists, who think that riding 6 abreast down narrow roads, thereby holding up the traffic, or weaving in and out of stationary cars who are stuck at busy road junctions and scratching paint or banging into wing mirrors is part of the highway code.

They build cycle lanes for these cunts, and said cunts ignore them, preferring instead to piss off other road users with their antics.

I won’t even start on their ludicrous avacado shape helmets..

Nominated by: Toadspanker

Cyclists are all cunts. They arrogantly ride around on their victorian toys in the mistaken belief that they are “saving the planet”

Actually, all they’re doing is adding to the sum of human misery by not paying fucking road tax,riding on pavements, ignoring traffic lights and signs and putting everybody at risk from their stupid cavorting.

Just fuck off you healthy cunts !!

Nominated by: Anonymous