I go in at 9.30 for a coffee and a breakfast. Its only a small venue of 9 tables with 4 seats at each. Each table is occupied by one person, a laptop, files, papers and documents. The essential phone is open, and there is the empty mug of coffee that was purchased some hours ago.

I return to the Coffee shop much later. The same people at the same tables.

I have given up!

I have visited Starbucks, and even Greggs in Huntingdon. Still the laptop people are spread out just like their spreadsheets.

I wonder? How can a business sustain such capacity on the cost of 12 coffees a day ?

BRW, same on the fucking train !!

Nominated by : Trebecular

With a second serving from : Chuff Chugger

If I may add a more positive anti-cunting story to this very valid nom (above)
By coincidence on the same day as this nom was posted, this heart warming story appeared on my local rags website……and I think this guy deserves a mention:

Kent Online Link.

You may well be ginger sir, but you aren’t a cunt. Good man.

fat cunt woman wants tax payer to fund move to larger home as she’s fat and because she’s now fat she has medical issues, which means she can’t walk, shits herself, etc etc.

Kent Online Link.

oh, snd they own the flat outright they are currently in. editorial is fucking confusing.

anyhow…..feckless overweight slob now too ill to live in current home. love, the home hasn’t changed….you have. its you that’s the issue. lose some weight and stop blaming the world fir your issues. when you realise your gob hole is bigger than your arsehole the penny may drop.

Nominated by : Chuff chugger

His card was stolen, and the Thicko Twins used it to buy, amongst other things, scratchcards.
Amazingly, one card was a £4m winner.
Naturally, the Twins went on a rampage of boozing and partying ( presumably using Joshua’s card?), until the scratchcard company refused to payout, the police got involved and the idiots have got their just desserts.

The Sun

Is Joshua happy that the criminals were caught, his credit rating isn’t damaged?
Yes, probably, but he now thinks he should have at least some of the £4m, on the grounds that his card was used to buy the ticket.
Really, you cunt?

The money has already been donated to charity, thieves don’t get to keep the proceeds of their crimes, unless you want to say that you voluntarily gave them your card??
Hmm! Thought not.

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

*Deadline Edinburgh, 2nd May 2024*

Oh dear, oh dear. North of the border, it’s a case of out with the the old, er… in with the old.

John ‘Mr Personality’ Swinney has thrown his hat into the ring to become the new First Minister after the discredited Humza Youseless threw in the towel. At the same time, another council has declared ‘a housing emergency’, as it is unable to meet the need for affordable rented accommodation.

When asked what he would actually do about this, Mr Swinney naturally went into SNP default mode of deflecting responsibility away from his own administration’s failings and inadequacies. ‘It’s a big priority’ burbled ‘Ornest Jawn’ (nae fuckin’ shite Sherlock). Sadly, he didn’t see what he could do about it, as it was all the fault of (wait for it!) budget cuts imposed ‘a hostile UK government’.

‘We can’t magic money out of thin air’ whined the slaphead twat. So his remedy? Why (stands back in amazement) independence, of course. Naturally, Swinney didn’t offer any indication as to just where the money might actually be magicked up from in the event of that prospect becoming a reality. Nae borther, it’ll be awreet awn tha neet.

Fuck off and change the record pal, this one’s been broken for years. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss…

Daily Record

Nominated by Ron Knee.