Hello Cunters and let me introduce you to the Fuckwitt family – dad Keir, mum Rachel and teenage son Ed.

Sadly Ed is not the full ticket and attends the Westminster Cloud Cuckoo Land Academy (school motto: ‘Not the Real World’). Ed’s teacher, Miss Thunberg, convinced him that the polar bears were drowning which turned Ed into a full-on adolescent eco-warrior with a mental age of 6.

Ed demanded lots of shiny new eco-toys from Santa last Christmas. Dad Keir said Ed could have the toys and couldn’t have the toys, depending on the day of the week. But mum Rachel holds the family purse strings, and she said that Santa couldn’t afford 28 billion for the new toys, most of which wouldn’t work anyway, so Ed had to go without.

To placate him and avoid a teenage strop, she promised another of Miss Thunberg’s demands – to replace the central heating with something called a ‘heat pump’, which is what most people call a ‘fridge’.

The Fuckwitts work at the same place and both are expecting a promotion later this year. But as Rachel Fuckwitt works in Accounts, she knows full well that the place is as good as bankrupt. So they won’t be getting a pay rise, and they won’t be able to afford the ‘heat pump’ either. Besides, who wants to shell out over 10 thousand pounds to be 15C colder every winter?

So what is the cerebrally-challenged Ed going to do when he finds out? I forsee a gigantic teenage tantrum on the horizon. Instead of trying to use his brain, a task for which he is so ill-equipped, perhaps Ed should stick to something simpler, like trying to negotiate his chops around a bacon sandwich.

Ah, on second thoughts …

Politico News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt 

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(Didn’t some cunt say Africa no longer needs “White Man’s Aid Money”? – Day Admin)

Famine looms in Sudan as civil war survivors tell of killings and rapes’

Get a shit song written, advance the careers of whatever or whoever passes as musicians these days, and get a global concert going.

Bouncy, Addled, Sheeran, One fucking Direction would all be eager to participate. Raise millions, those warlords must need new trucks and guns.

Although, now Geldof is (mysteriously, allegedly) very rich, perhaps he hasn’t got the time.

BBC News

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

(Seems that impoverished Bob is worth a cool $150m  – Day Admin)

A post-menopausal cunting please for those greedy, avaricious Karens known as the Waspi Women.

Demonstrating that entitlement culture is not confined to the young, some wimminz born in the 1950s say they weren’t warned that their state pension age was going to be the same as that for men.

Weren’t warned? What were they doing in 1997 when it was plastered all over the News media? Did they have their noses stuck in Cosmopolitan? Toiling over a hot stove making jam for the WI bazaar? Were they Calendar Girls, too busy posing naked (Eurgh!) for a photo shoot, coyly positioned behind a fruit press? Oh do fuck off.

All the women I know of that age knew perfectly well that this was coming. They also accept, after a few grumbles, that getting their pension at 60 when men had to wait until 65 (now 66 and rising) was both unfair and unsustainable. My guess is that 99.9% of these grasping cows also knew it and they’re just trying it on.

Well tough shit ladies. Johnny Taxpayer’s already had his pockets picked and there’s no more left for HMG to steal.

BBC News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

Elon Musk is a fucking cunt!

TLDR
You Tube

This piece of shit has lied so many times about his ‘genius’ – Tesla self driving, the hyperloop, the boring company, tesla solar panel roofs, getting to Mars by 2024, buying Twatter. He’s a fucking CUNT and that’s the reason that song will never be removed from Youtube, because:

1: It’s true
2: It’s a song published by a band/person so YT can never delete it for copyright

Although, they will suppress and shadow-ban it – hence why so little views!

BBC News

Nominated by: truthtella

And seconded by: Two In The Stink

@Admin

I’d like to second this nomination as to why Autistic Jesus isn’t quite as great as his fanboys think he is.

He invests in innovative technology companies, changes the ethos and organizational structures of them by hiring family members and yes men and makes unrealistic promises to investors to the point where the original founders leave, at which point he alters history by stating that he was THE founder. An example of this being
Martin Eberhard and Tesla.

There is a hugely under-subscribed Youtube channel called Common Sense Skeptic which has done very detailed and well-researched videos on Musk over the last few years and from what I can tell, the channel has never been hit with a cease and desist order or a lawsuit for slander so my guess is it’s all true. Definitely worth a look.

YouTube

(BST starts today, so don’t forget to put your clocks forward 1hr if you haven’t already done so (UK cunts only) – Day Admin)

Attention pop pickers everywhere! The IsAC horn section should be placed on full alert. That captivating little minx Dylan Mulvaney is back, hotter than ever!

The sex-on-a-stick Miz Mulvaney has (as they say in the biz) ‘dropped’ a record and a video for ‘Days of Girlhood’, and it’s absolutely sensational. It’s a superbly crafted take on how the average ‘girl’ spends her time; you know, climbing out of a pink sports car, going through the pink front door of a huge mansion, lolling about in pink lingerie on pink sheets, sipping champagne, and all that sort of thing.

But I’m also certain that beneath all that entertaining, frothy fun, there’s a serious message about something or other for us all to take on board.

This isn’t merely a singer who can deliver a great song with style and panache. No, this is a performer with something to say, with a statement to make.

Without doubt this is the musical event of the year, and enormous sales and a string of awards must surely follow. I foresee a massive future for the incredibly talented and gorgeous Miz Mulvaney, with this latest triumph being merely one more step up the staircase to Swiftesque mega stardom.

You go, gurrrrrl!

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.