Cold Feet. The most banal shyte to currently smear liquid diarrhoea on the TV screen.

I really would love to yank the syrup from the stupid grinning turnip of that Oirish cuntbag James Nesbitt, hoof him in the beanbags with my knee and finally push him over into some hot, sticky dogshit.

Wow, what a cathartic.

Nominated by Paul Maskingback

Congratulations – if that is the right word in the circumstances – to Kravdarth who correctly predicted the next terror attack would be in London as our peaceful friends set off a bucket bomb at Parsons Green on the District Line earlier today.

So the slate is wiped clean and we move to round 2 of “Spot the Jihadi” with one guess per person please in the comments under this post.

As a side bet, what will Sadiq Khan say first about this latest atrocity? Will it be :

(a) “Not all muslims are terrorists”

(b) “Islam is a peaceful religion”.

(c) “Part of living in a big city”.

(d) “Hate will not divide us and we will stand united”

Winners no doubt revealed during the inevitable vigil. Meanwhile our thoughts go out to the 22 people injured. If it had denotated properly, then it would have been a lot worse.

Having spent a torturous evening out with ‘friends’, I would like to deliver a cunting to middle-class ‘lad banter’. So drained and driven to distraction am I by this fucking phenomenon tonight, I can’t cunt with much strength – but fuck me, I’ve got to get this down before bed.

I’m sure there’s a more succinct name for the phenomenon (apart from ‘cunt’ that is), but no, I’m not talking about hipsters or out-and-out geezers. Seeing a friend back from living abroad for a few years, it was good to catch up. Sadly he keeps many cunts for company. All asking each other if they want a “cheeky pint”. Endless sage agreement terminating in “awww mate” in faux-mockney accents that only cunts from Berkshire, Cambridgeshire and Hertfordshire can manage. The sort of cunt who orders a Hungryhouse while exclusively watching the Dave channel, giving it the fucking pub philosopher pseudo-cuntishness, interspersed with artificial football knowledge derived almost exclusively from playing Championship fucking Manager.

One cunt in particular, wearing a hoodie – a cunt in his late 30s, for the love of cunt – with ‘Punkers’ emblazoned on it in the style of the Snickers logo would not stop saying “mate”, “mate”, “mate”… the fucking word is riniging in my ears right now like mildly-concerning tinnitus after a Megadeath set. Grinding my teeth and trying so hard to ignore the cunt, my only solace was the warm comfort in fantasising about burying a fire-axe deep into his subhuman skull; fondly imagining the spasms and involuntary eye-rolling as the cunt finally falls silent and slumps beside his last ‘cheeky pint’.

There is a faint possibility of course that I am the real cunt and just hate most people in the world. But #ladsbanter is a monumental cunt and no mistake.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

Now we all know that Yanks are thick cunts and that Yank celebs are the thickest of the lot, but Jennifer Lawrence has taken thick Yank celebrity cuntitude to a whole new level by announcing that the devastating hurricanes in Texas and approaching Florida were signs of “Mother Nature’s rage and wrath” at America for electing Donald Trump and not believing in man-made climate change.

Now I know cunts like this will blame any and everything on Trump but just how fucking dim do you have to be to blame the weather on him?

Go back to flashing your tits in second rate movies darling and leave reality to the grown ups.

Nominated by Dioclese