Category Archives: BBC

Pudsey

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There’s fuck all worth watching on tellie tonight because Pudsey is back…

Now, I know you are going to think that anyone who says that a charity appeal that raises so much for needy cheeldren should be taken off the air just because it’s a load of purile, talentless shite is a fucking miserable bastard, but frankly I don’t give a shit! Because that’s exactly what it is.

As the late Captain Haddock so succinctly put it back in 2011 : “Pudsey .. the begging, one-eyed, parasite .. can fuck off.” Nicely put Cap’n!

Nominated by: Dioclese

John McCririck

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Absurdist ginger dyed gee-gees cunt commentator stands front of camera wearing crap pound shop bling doing the bookies Tic-Tac hand jive and tossing himself orf while he speaks. Dunno what the cunt is Prick-Wanking but the reply he gets back from the racing fraternity is always two fingers.

Bald cunt hence never seen without embarrassing titfer. Only possible advantage was he at least reduced screen time of fuck frightener Clare Balding. Now lost that battle so suggest he follows the old dyke mantra and go FUCK ORF AND DIE.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Lucy Worsley

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Lisping “I’m all right peasants” posh pudenda Oxbridge mafia aging telly tart presenter of things historical and pop-sensational. Irritating cunt on the BBC gravy train.

Currently smirking and donkey braying her way from chat show to chat show flogging her latest book. One of the ‘new look’ fucking presenters over acting to buggery. Her fashion style is 1950’s escapee from a children’s home.

But is it fuckable? Me pet vulture Gristle intimates that the filly may be into S&M and while as broadminded as any old English aristo and quite happy to let her paddle me arse whilst trussed up like a chicken (thus we won the Empire) I do draw the line at electric violet wands and that kind of malarkey. Me old heart donchaknow.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

David Attenborough

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SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH

David Attenborough is always scurrying around in bushes, spying on animals copulating. I mean it’s just not right, is it? Fucking bad enough we have to listen to twat rambling on about the life cycle of the lesser crested newt, but at least you know what your going to get if you want to watch one of his programmes, which are brilliant in spite of the pompous dick and not because of him.

I suppose all that zoological stuff is right enough, if you like that sort of thing. What pisses me off is the fact that, because he has become a multi millionaire by milking the Beeb for nigh on fifty years he thinks I give a fuck what he thinks about politics and world affairs. ‘Cause I don’t. Not one, little, fucking bit.

Nominated by: Termujin

Selena Scott

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I’ve just taken a moment to sit here and think, ‘who is a cunt, of all the people over the years who you have despised, who do you think is the biggest cunt of them all?’

And there’s one name who has beaten them all, consistently over the decades….

Selena Scott.

She makes my fucking skin crawl to this day.

Nominated by: Dan

( Not looking quite so glamourous these days either, is she? Ed. )