Another sob story from the BBC today.

These 24 year old twins are being threatened with deportation to the West Indian islands of their parents. In care from the age of 13 when mother died and dad went back to Dominica, the twins have never applied for U.K. citizenship nor did the parents. The threat of deportation has arisen following convictions for GBH. One of them got 6 years at the age of 17 so it would suggest that the H was pretty serious.

The sister of these two jailbirds is ‘disgusted’ that they may be sent to islands of mum or dad. Their solicitor claims that they are British which I find surprising as he has no documentation to support this assertion.

Meanwhile,sister says that if this deportation goes ahead then any of the other 9 siblings could also be deported. Spend a year in jail and that is the option the Home Office has.

The U.K. national debt is over 100% of GDP, the citizens of the U.K. deserve to be protected. This pair have had 11 years of taxpayers’ money spent on them. What have they done to contribute to this country?

I hope that they are able to settle down in whichever island paradise they find themselves and find it in their hearts not to judge us too harshly.

Nominated by: Guzziguy 

Mohiussunnath Chowdhury is a cunt, isn’t he.

A jihadi who has been jailed for planning terror attacks wrote down plans for when he arrived in heaven as a martyr – including meeting wives and decorating his “main palace.”

Chowdhury pinned to-do lists for the afterlife to his bedroom door while plotting an attack on potential targets including a gay pride parade and Madame Tussauds. The 29-year-old chicken shop worker who slashed police officers with a sword outside Buckingham Palace in August 2017, but was acquitted of a terror offence at a retrial after claiming he was depressed and wanted to be shot dead.

After his release from prison he mounted new plots, and revealed his plans to undercover officers who posed as fellow jihadis in Luton.

On Thursday, he was jailed for life with a minimum prison term of 25 years for preparing acts of terrorism.

This prompts a few questions:-

I know Madame Tussards isn’t everybody’s cup of tea but does it really warrant this level of violence? Furthermore, had he already chosen the colours for his palace up in Paradise? Also, had he selected the names for his two favourite wives? Finally, he seems to have left meeting Allåh quite low down the list? Surely the creator of the Universe and all that is wondrous, peace be upon him, is slightly more important than a new coat of paint?

Psh.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

I see that actress, “lifestyle guru” and twat Paltrow is at it again, “challenging people’s perceptions” about, er, candles.

Cunters will no doubt recall (how could we possibly forget?) that some months back, the 47-year-old LA airhead launched a candle called “This Smells Like My Vagina”. This retails on her “Goop” website for a mere $75 a pop.

Not one to sit on her fortune (if you’ll pardon the expression), Goopy Gwyneth has followed up with a new candle entitled “This Smells Like My Orgasm”. Chirps the website, “where ‘Orgasm’ is bright, vibrant and uplifting, ‘Vagina’ is more deeply sensual, warm and seductive”.

Well, as ludicrous and pretentious as it sounds, good ol’ Gwynny has undoubtedly spotted a gap in the market, and is cashing in big time as the candles fly off the shelves. Indeed, there appears to be a waiting list; I ordered an “Orgasm” for the wife which she’s desperate to have, but I’m told that she’ll have to wait some time before it comes.

Nominated by: Ron Knee 

Ken Ham is a cunt, isn’t he.

Who’s this wacko and why does he look so unevolved? Ham is an Australian creationist now living in the States and has called for Charles Darwin to be “cancelled.”

“The intellectual and philosophical heritage of Charles Darwin is one of the most hideously racist legacies one can fathom.” He continues that the ideas of Darwin (one of the greatest ever Englishmen) “…fuelled racism. Hitler, and his idea of a superior race, used Darwin’s writings to justify what he did to the Jews and others.”

Hambo built a big Ark that cost about $100 million and is part of an amusement park for Fundamentalist wingnuts who believe the world was built in six days. It sits on wooden stilts in a park in Kentucky and has never touched the water. Just like the one in the story.

In case you’ve forgotten, the story of Noah is the one where God, the bearded omniscient deity, is angry with his creation and decides to murder everyone in a giant flood, except for those who’ve kissed deity arse the most. He tells Noah to build a massive boat and to put two of every creature on board in a strange, desultory, incestuous concept. They’ll all be safe while God is busy drowning all the sinners.
Goodness.

You don’t have to be a wide-eyed believer to visit the Ark but you mustn’t mention ‘dinosaurs’ if you do.

God was not available for comment because he doesn’t exist

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous