Ashley Banjo laughably calls himself a dancer, I call him a cunt. His so called “dance” lacks the grace of ballet, the culture of Latin, the artistry of ballroom or the appeal of Pole (my personal favourite). Fuck, it’s even more comical than Michael Flatley’s rookie attempt to stamp out a small brush fire. It’s not dance, it’s synchronised circus acrobatics which, given what a fucking clown he is, kinda makes sense. But he aint just one of the dumb circus animals, no, this premium bell end is the ringmaster – the choreographer.
He dragged a talentless troupe of doppelgänger halfwits onto a television show, ironically calling them Diversity despite them being carbon copies of himself – except of course the cute one with the fire hazard hair (someone make sure Flatley is in the wings just in case). That was 2009 and he has milked it (and probably the cute one) ever since.
I’m a charitable sole and these crimes alone do not warrant a full on cunting, however there is more which truly does, brace yourself, it’s about to get ugly.
Over ten years on and with the cute one now dragging around hairy bollox hanging lower than your grandad’s, yet still sporting the frizzled teenager mop top, Banjo’s stellar incompetence lands him his big break. Nobody wants their stand-in to be any good. If you go on holiday and Steve from accounts deputises for you, you spend every second praying he fucks up and makes you look indispensable. So, when the UK’s chief talent scout, Simon Cowell broke his back and needed a stand in, who did he call – that’s right – Sambo Banjo (see below for context before you get too irate at that).
Banjo puts together a routine which seeks to shame an entire nation for the acts of a single individual from another continent – who will likely never see it (lucky him). Racism needs calling out but there is a time and a place. A primetime light entertainment family show is not the stage for political cunt stunts. Maybe Banjo is of the opinion you use whatever stage serendipity deals you, possibly, but the nature of opinions are they differ – but he wasn’t prepared for that and took to social media to condemn all critics as racists.
Now there is a problem here, if you want racists to be viewed as social pariahs akin to paedophiles, child killers, or politicians, then you need to not bandy the term around on a whim just because someone disagrees with you. For to do so renders it banal and no more than punctuation.
Sambo Banjo comes for the 1800’s and was a term used in music. Back then racists abound, although I guess they didn’t see themselves as such, and thankfully we have moved on. Some still persist of course but they are hidden in the fog and haze created where everyone is glibly called a racist. Consequently, we can’t see the wood for the trees, a phrase even older than Sambo Banjo (Circa 1500). The term “racist” has no currency, it should be a potent attention grabbing accusation, but it isn’t, and that is a shame.
Now that Banjo, through the medium of dance, has kindly alerted me and 50 million other Brits to our racist tendencies, perhaps next week he can knock off a few more of our rough edges. Maybe with a routine on child fucking, perhaps then I would see the error of my ways and finally move onto adults. Genocide, human trafficking – come on Banjo – educate me further.
Nominated by: Cunt Spotter
(Chaps – we’re getting quite a few of your comments hitting the mod q, mostly for blunt racial references – To avoid all that hassle can you be a little more subtle/inventive? – DA)
